Partner not ready for another baby

[nicole1144]

Hi all, just wondering if anyone else has been so ready for another baby but their partner isn't? Our child is 2 and I've been ready for another baby for a few months now and I keep bringing it up with my partner and he just keeps saying he's not ready and every time I hear him say those words it's just soul crushing 😭 I'm so emotional over it. I grew up with no siblings and hated it, so it's so important for me to give my current child a sibling and preferably quite close in age so for him to keep saying he's not ready really breaks me. He keeps saying he will be ready from January but I feel like he's just saying that to keep me quiet because surely if you'd be ready in Jan which is a few months away you'd be ready now.. like what's gonna change.. it just makes no sense. Please some kind words 🥺 I'm feeling really disheartened right now.

I'd plan a lovely romantic weekend away in January. Can you leave your baby with a kind relative, and go to the kind of hotel where you can go back to bed in the afternoon? 🤗

Scotland maybe, or the Nordics.

How old are you?

Have you had a proper chat about WHY he’s not ready, specifically? We’re in a similar situation but the other way round at the moment, a young baby and husband would love to try for another now whereas I really want to wait until January. I have my own reasons for waiting (mostly practical ones) and waiting until January does actually resolve them hence we are waiting until then. But if there aren’t specific reasons and he just doesn’t feel ready or want another, that’s not going to suddenly change on New Years Day.

How old are you both,

This is a lovely idea 🥺🥰

I'm 26 and he is 27

I'm 26 & he is 27

January 2025 isn’t far away at all. Trying in Jan hopefully means a September baby which will hopefully give baby an advantage at school because they are one of the older ones.

Nobody is being unreasonable but your argument can be turned around into January is only 4 months away - why not wait that little bit more ?

I've asked him for his reasoning and he just says he doesn't feel ready, I keep saying why would that change in the next few months and he's just like stop going round in circles 🥲

How’s your h doing with parenthood ? If he’s not very capable, get him practicing now so all of the work of 2 kids doesn’t fall on you.

If he's not ready he's not ready. Wait until next year.

You have a child already, priortise them. You want a close age gap maybe your partner wants a bigger age gap so you don't have 2 under 4 with massive childcare costs.

Yes, that was something else completely 😭🤣 but don't worry it was fully made up to me and he's a brilliant father now

I think in that case you need to leave it for now and see where you’re at in January, but be prepared for it to be delayed. Both people have to actively really want a baby for this to work. As I say my husband would love another now but I have said I want to wait until January, I have my reasons and by January they will all be sorted (nursery related, work related, have plans over the next 3 months that pregnancy would complicate), I also really want another baby so in January once those practical bits are done we’ll be trying again. But if there are no real reasons other than not feeling ready then nothing is going to magically change on 1st Jan.

Can he explain why he’s saying January? That would likely mean a September baby at the earliest, rather than a summer born which is an advantage at school. A 3-4 year age gap can be easier on the finances as the eldest should be starting school before you go back from mat leave so you won’t have 2 sets of nursery fees. Talk to each other!! He might have sound reasoning. Of course if he’s giving you the brush off that’s something else entirely and he needs to tell you if he’s one and done, not keep putting it off because that isn’t fair. Anyway time for an honest chat. Hopefully you’ll figure it out.

He's an amazing father but can be kinda lazy sometimes but then so can I so 🤣

Please stop pressuring him to have another child. If this was a man pressuring you, you'd be told he was out of order.

You have to consider that he might not want another child.

I'm more just worried that he's just saying that to keep me quiet because I don't understand how he will magically be ready in a few months if he isn't now

Jesus Christ I'm not, I'm just trying to communicate my wants for the future

You are ABSOLUTELY pressuring him.

He keeps saying he 100% wants another one, and he has always said that but he's just not ready now and wants to wait till Jan, he has no reasoning behind it which is what's confusing me the most

My god, isn't every parent? lol