Found out I'm pregnant with number 2 and scared

[showersandflowers]

We've been trying for 5 months and I'm finally pregnant. And I'm so scared. And I feel guilty for being scared. Last time I was giddy and excited, this time I wake up with dread each morning. How will I cope with 2?

My mental health was awful last time. It feels like this might finish me off.

I still haven't got over it.

My eldest was 22 months when I had my youngest. But I'm glad I had them close in age and i never wanted just one.

They are now 12 and 14. I've shit MH and autism.

Pregnancy hormones are wild! All that time trying for another then it happens and our minds go haywire!
Honestly it's normal.

I'm 11 weeks with our second after 4 years of trying and I've gone through the same swing of emotions - I'm constantly worrying about how we'll cope, money, is the house big enough, how will we run the family business, how will our eldest be affected etc.

My first born has a good lifestyle with trips out and holidays plus lots of one on one time of course. I feel guilty the second won't get the same and that the first will miss out because of the second!

Then I feel guilty about how sick I'm feeling with pregnancy and that it's affecting my time and energy for DD1.

This combined with the anxiety of pregnancy convincing myself that something is going to go wrong and that something is wrong with the baby....

It goes on and on

I feel the same. I found out I'm pregnant with my second last night and I'm terrified. My first pregnancy was difficult and my son (12 months) still doesn't sleep through.

I guess we will cope because we have to? My husband keeps saying everything will come right in the end.

Thanks all for sharing. It's nice to be in company with other women who feel the same way. I see so many people around me with two children and I just think "how the hell do you do it? Do you regret it?"

We have a really good life with dd. She sleeps well and we have fun, life feels normal and manageable. I'm dreading the months and months of wild unpredictability with a newborn while also having to manage a toddler. I wonder if we've completely messed things up. There's so much we're not going to be able to do anymore and not going to be able to afford. But then I think about the long run. I think how she'll have a sibling for life and how once we're gone they'll have each other (hopefully...).

Pregnancy is wild. I still don't even feel pregnant. With my first I was testing each day and got so excited when the lines got darker. This time, I've done one test and just left it at that. I'll call the midwife for booking in this morning and hopefully that'll make it more real and exciting.

@lololulu I'm sorry to hear this but glad that you got what you wanted child-wise. Do you think maybe things will get better once they move out? Sorry to speculate but I wonder if I'll feel better once my children are grown and independent and don't intensely need me as much.

@sel2223 yes, feeling like you're sort of losing this good life you've built up with your first is difficult to deal with. Hopefully life will continue, just with another one in tow. Congratulations, also, 4 years must have been tough to deal with. Did you find it made you question whether you really wanted it? Especially in the last month I've really been questioning that.

I spent my whole pregnancy with DD2 absolutely terrified, wondering what on earth I'd done and how I'd cope. Wondering how I could possibly love another child. Worried DD1 would be upset and feel pushed out etc.

She's 1 now and I don't know what I was worried about! They get on great (for now), they play together, DD2 loves being a big sister. You'll be absolutely fine

@HattieRosa well, yes, I guess so! I've been thinking of my grandmother, who only wanted two children and ended up having twins second time around. I wonder how she felt about it. It will be okay, it has to be, right? I see everyone else around e coping and even thriving, so let's hope that's the case for us.

@ClemFandangooo awww thank you, that's so lovely to hear. I hope so. Was it really difficult to begin with in the newborn stage? Or did the experience of already having had one really help?

We went so long without even a sniff of a BFP that I think we'd both just accepted it wasn't going to happen and that we were fine with just one.
We weren't using any contraception but we stopped tracking and weren't actively trying each month. We just focused on giving our girl the best life we could.

The BFP came as a massive surprise (didn't even test till I was 10 days late as my cycles had been so unpredictable recently). I think that's added to the wave of emotions.

Now I've seen baby on a scan and the heartbeat etc it definitely feels more real and I'm feeling excited now but the worries and guilt are still there

@showersandflowers
My DD is 10 months old and I'm 19 weeks, I go through huge waves of emotion on a cycle. I completely empathise with you and your situation.
Another one I worry about is how the hell can I love another child as much as I love DD.
We fell pregnant accidentally and I didn't know I was pregnant til I was 11 weeks. Which has completely rocked my world! I love my DD but I think to the future that she will have a bestie that I never had, I'm an only child and was desperate for a sibling but my mum almost died during childbirth and was told not to have any more kids.

My DD has just learned to walk so it's just carnage in my house, but because I'm so busy with her I don't have the time to think about my pregnancy symptoms.
We will get there. And when the kids are bigger and playing in the garden, we will look back and say, I don't know what I was so worried about.

We all got this mama! We will embrace motherhood, buying a double pram was fun too

I've found I'm pregnant with my third. I'm scared too but excited as well. It'll be okay x

@sel2223 yes, looking forward to that too. I think it'll be much easier once it's not theoretical and I actually see a baby. And can explain to DD.

That's quite a wild ride you went on. After four years, must have been so strange to see those 2 lines. I was testing early each month of our trying and it was typically the month where I'd kind of given up and not bothered testing that I found out I was pregnant!

I think also I'm super nervous because I put on half my original body weight again while pregnant with dd. I felt so puffy and uncomfortable, for months afterwards. Making an effort already this time to not think "I'm pregnant, I can eat what I want!" And think "I want to be strong and healthy out the other side of this" and focus on that, eating well etc etc.

@Toriiaa gosh, that's got to be intense. I think at least you've not got to the stage yet where life has gone back to "normal", which I think is a blessing because it's really hard to face having a newborn when life is back to normal again. So that's a silver lining! Although on the other hand I guess you're not going to get that break and reassurance that life does return to normal like we have when we have a larger age gap.

And how lovely to have two children so close together!

@teatoast8 congratulations, 3 sounds like such a lovely number of children! It will be okay, there will be hard days and good days.

I am currently pregnant with our much planned for and wanted second DC.

I was initially excited, then I looked at my DC (2) and wondered if I'd ruined their life they love so much, as the attention won't always be on them etc. and everything is going to change for them.

I know it's a little wobble, as I've always wanted 2 and I think it will be great, but I just felt a bit sad for DC and the huge change it will be for him.

I’m going through this too. My firstborn is 6 months and I’m 6 weeks pregnant. I’m terrified and just hoping I can get her to sleep through through the night before the baby comes because I don’t know how I’ll cope with two crying babies at night 🙈

Congratulations OP. Currently pregnant with my second too due next month and definitely had those worries as well, I think it’s really normal actually as you’ve been through it once so you’re not totally blind to the reality of having young kids and how it affects every aspect of your life. My oldest just started school so feeling terrible that she’s having such huge life changes all in one go, the mum guilt is real!

But on the other hand I feel like once baby is here they will slot right into life like they were always there, they do say you are completely different with number as it’s not such a shock. You’ve got this, you will be fine I’m sure 💪

@StampOnTheGround I think I've weighed this up in my mind and I think while first dc may have slightly less attention from me, this will be made up with love from sibling. It's a nice way to think about it!

@Ebonythoughts oh wow, they'll be thick as thieves! Good luck with it all. You will sleep eventually!

@Squeezetheday yes, dd will start preschool 4 months after second baby is born and I think in a way it'll be a relief, to just manage one. They all go through it!

Pregnancy hormones are wild. I cried every single day when pregnant with DC2. I now have a 5 year old and a 5 month old and I want DC3 close in age with our current youngest. Eldest DC loves his baby and keeps asking for another one. Bonded beautifully. I promise you’ll be ok OP. You’re worried so it shows that you care about yourself and your DC.

OP it sounds hard for you and it’s not impossible to have another one at your age. I’m 42 myself, had DC at 40. DC is my world but I am 100% certain I am one and done. Good luck!

Such a strange response. How is you only wanting one child helpful?

My second was born 14 months after my first- and number three arrived 22 months later. (Number 4 was a few years later) Having them so close worked out fine for me and for them, though it was demanding. All three were in night time nappies at the same time for a while- and they were the old school Terry towelling ones, two nappy buckets in the loo 😑