Pregnant DC1 just started nursery and already got sick and made me sick. Please give me some advice

[CheshireMummyy]

So DC1 started nursery last week and hates it.
Hes 16 months and after two settling days and two days of nursery he’s not been himself at all.
He’s obviously picked something up and has been screaming all through the night and I feel awful.
I’m 5 weeks pregnant with DC2 and last night I was in agony in my lower back and belly. Guessing I have picked up whatever DC1 has. Feel ok now and had no more cramping or pain but I am going for a scan at the hospital next week just to check everything is ok.
My question is I don’t really need DC1 to go to nursery it was purely because we could that we sent him.
Do I pull him out to protect me and DC2 and send him back when he’s a little bit older and can tell me what hurts when he feels poorly? I feel so torn… thanks in advance for your advice ladies xxx

I would definitely give him a bit longer … He may love it .. it’s early days ..

Do the staff say how he is when you are gone ?

It will take longer than 4 days to get used to it. Especially if it's only 2 days a week as they forget it in between. I'd keep going as having him settled in a daycare setting before dc2 arrives would be helpful.

@Starlightstarbright3 they said he’s up and down.
Selfishly I’m also concerned for me and DC2 I honestly thought I was having a miscarriage last night it was horrendous and pretty traumatising and I’m concerned if he’s picked up something that bad in the first week what’s he going to pick up over winter and will DC2 be ok? 😫

@HateThese4Leggedbeasts i’m just worried about me being poorly affecting DC2 also.
I went back to work when DC1 was 8 months so I’m not struggling with him going it’s just the way his whole personality has changed and how poorly he’s been and the fact he communicate where the pain is 😫

When DD1 started nursery, the 'teacher' actually said to me to prepare for a house full of sickness the first 6 months - she was right!
Everytime we recovered from one bug, another would arrive a week or 2 later 🙈 horrendous at any time but I would say better now when pregnant than later with a newborn. At the moment baby is well protected and picking up immunity from you. Your older child is also building their own immunity, this is just how it works.

What I would say is pulling him out now after a couple of days won't help anything and you're making a rod for your own back when it comes to starting school or trying nursery again later. Once my daughter settled, nursery has been amazing for her. She's learning so much, her speech is excellent, her social skills, not being so attached and clingy to me etc. She's come on leaps and bounds.

Fortunately my daughter adapted relatively quickly, my niece cried every single day at drop.off for 4 years! My sister would call up 5 minutes later and she'd be absolutely fine, playing with the other kids. This was every single day! My nephew just started nursery a few months ago and it took him about a month to settle, now he's fine.

I put my two in nursery at the same time, aged nearly 3y and 13m, and we were all constantly sick with colds, coughs, sinus infections, ear infections, conjunctivitis. You honestly get 1-2 weeks and the next thing hits. It tailed off at about 7-9m and at about 11m I realised we were through it (and then I promptly got another ear infection but I'd still say we're not getting every thing going).

It depends when you think is the best time for you to be constantly sick for months on end! You might be better to get it over with while pregnant but then advice is to avoid fever in the 1st trimester in particular. Waiting till both kids were older worked okay for us but it's not pleasant at any time.

Starting nursery brings months of bugs!
Months

If you went back to work at 8 months where was he then and where would he be while you work now if he wasn’t at nursery?

Pulling him after leas than a week is a terrible idea. His personality hasn’t ‘changed’ he is just adapting. And illness is normal at this age.

This is normal. It's up to you whether you want him to go to nursery if it's non-essential, but it may take him months to settle and as other pps have said, you've got months of constant sickness ahead. The first 3 months were horrendous for us, literally ill every week. It got a bit better gradually from then on and after 6 months was a lot better. Personally I think pre school/nursery settings add huge value to their development but everyone has different views on this. It's up to you what's right for you really, but hopefully this gives you some idea of what to expect. Even after 3 years at nursery our daughter still struggles at drop off at times.

If you don't need to for work I wouldn't. I didn't send mine until they were 3.

I also want to add that if your son needs to be in nursery when DC2 arrives then it will be so much better to get him settled now before he is even aware you are pregnant.

A friend of mine waited until her new baby was here and then started her first born in nursery and it was a complete disaster - it was done that way for the right reasons so mum and son got to spend plenty of quality time together but then it was like 'new baby is here so you can go now' (not the case of course but that's what they think went wrong). There were lots of abandonment issues and trying to hit and lash out at the new baby. It was like he had been replaced and was getting pushed out (this was from a child behavioural specialist they went to see a few times).

She says herself now that her timing was terrible and she wished she'd got him settled in while she was pregnant so it was just normal routine when baby arrived. She's a great mum and hindsight is a wonderful thing!

@Ohthatsabitshit my mum has him twice a week and my partner worked hours around LO but he would prefer to work days but it’s not essential.

@HerewegoagainSS I get illness is normal but it can put DC2 at risk especially in the first trimester.

@WetWeasel i just don’t know if I can cope with that pregnant 😫

@SErunner my sister is an early years specialist and totally agrees with that and I’m not anti nursery in any way, it’s my current pregnancy that’s concerning me especially as I’m early first trimester and we are coming into bug season.

Realistically it’s more to do with being 5 weeks pregnant. Cramping is a huge symptom in the first trimester.

Pulling a child out of nursery because you’re pregnant would be extremely over anxious imo. There is no real risk to your unborn child from a few colds brought home from nursery.

@Mooneywoo there absolutely is real risk.
I got the flu badly twice last pregnancy and my temperature hugely spiked both times and I was told it was extremely dangerous to my pregnancy. Both times I was hospitalised and put on a drip and that was without a child in nursery.
It also wasn’t mild cramping, it was so bad I was crying in pain even with a hot water bottle throughout the night and paracetamol. It was so painful I thought I might be miscarrying. It was actually pretty scary and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

It's highly unlikely that's related to your child being at nursery though.

The risk you take of having more than one kid I’m afraid. Toddlers always bring things home. You can’t live in a bubble.

@fizzymizzy hes poorly too and has been screaming in the night so obviously whatever he has, has been getting worse at night like my symptoms.
Were both heavily congested too.

@HerewegoagainSS its not about living in a bubble, it’s about working out what’s best for DC1 and DC2 when we have multiple options available to us.
Really didnt expect these kind of cruel responses from other mums telling me I’m being overly anxious and that I can’t live in a bubble.
Won’t be coming back to mumsnet for advice again that’s for sure. Not the supportive welcoming community I expected in the slightest. I’ll stick to Peanut next time where the responses were much kinder and significantly more helpful and balanced.

Mine are older but this is the absolute norm on the plus side outside of covid I can count on one hand the number of school days each of them missed. They developed immune systems of iron during their early years.

@MinorTom its just bad timing! I definitely want him in nursery and for him to improve his immune system just not at the expense of DC2 :(

Really didnt expect these kind of cruel responses from other mums telling me I’m being overly anxious and that I can’t live in a bubble.
Won’t be coming back to mumsnet for advice again that’s for sure

People not agreeing with you doesn’t mean they are cruel.