Pregnant DC1 just started nursery and already got sick and made me sick. Please give me some advice

[CheshireMummyy]

So DC1 started nursery last week and hates it.
Hes 16 months and after two settling days and two days of nursery he’s not been himself at all.
He’s obviously picked something up and has been screaming all through the night and I feel awful.
I’m 5 weeks pregnant with DC2 and last night I was in agony in my lower back and belly. Guessing I have picked up whatever DC1 has. Feel ok now and had no more cramping or pain but I am going for a scan at the hospital next week just to check everything is ok.
My question is I don’t really need DC1 to go to nursery it was purely because we could that we sent him.
Do I pull him out to protect me and DC2 and send him back when he’s a little bit older and can tell me what hurts when he feels poorly? I feel so torn… thanks in advance for your advice ladies xxx

@sel2223 yeah this was my worry 😫 can’t win can you….
I could wait till DC1 is 3 to send him as I do have grandparent help but wondering if that is too late.

Realistically you're going to get multiple bugs whenever he starts nursery - be that now, while pregnant, or in a few months when you have a new and rather vulnerable baby and a toddler who needs to adjust to having a sibling (always tricky). I would get it out the way now, myself.

Fevers can be dangerous for pregnancies, but it's not like every single fever will result in miscarriage. Think how many women have multiple children with the older ones in childcare/school. You can't avoid the first hideous winter of illnesses, just get it out the way now.

Op, people aren't being cruel, they are just telling you that catching colds from a nursery age child is very very unlikely to affect your pregnancy. They won't agree with you just because you want them to.

Everyone I know with multiple children, had at least one in nursery while they were pregnant. It's completely normally and people are just describing their own experiences.

You are obviously worried so ask your GP for advice. Email the surgery now and see what current medical advice is. Hopefully that will reassure you.

@Meadowfinch if you don’t think calling someone overly anxious and telling them they can’t live in a bubble is unkind we were clearly raised differently.
The responses on peanut all didn’t align to my initial thinking but they were kind and challenging in a kind manner.
This thread quite clearly hasn’t been at points.
I didn’t post for an echo chamber but I also didn’t post to be labelled things I’m not.

@SnapdragonToadflax I could wait till DC2 is one and DC1 is 3 before sending any of them to nursery.
Just trying to weigh up the risk benefit of both I guess given I struggled with the flu my last pregnancy without a child in nursery.

I think you should keep him in, it's only been a few days, it will take much longer to adjust, and that will always be the case. He'll benefit from the socialising and learning, and it will give you a break once baby arrives. He's just ill, that's totally normal. Obviously you should get a flu vaccine once they are available later this month! And being unwell can't cause a miscarriage - it's very unhelpful of you to suggest that. no one is being mean here, you asked for advice and you're getting it.

girl you'll be ok. there is very few things that your LO can catch at nusery that will affect your unborn baby.

you will be surprised on what your body can and will do to protect that little baby.

@Peonies12 your body temperature raising to dangerous levels because of illnesses like the flu (which mine did last pregnancy when I got poorly) can absolutely have catastrophic effects on the fetus and cause NTD’s in the first trimester and it’s unhelpful and irresponsible to suggest that’s not the case.
As for a miscarriage I never suggested this.
My actual comment was that my abdomen and back pain was so severe on Friday night I panicked I was having a miscarriage and given I managed 8 hours of induction last time without a painkiller I wouldn’t say I have a naturally low pain threshold.

Fair enough if that's what you would prefer. But then you're dealing with two sick children at once.

If you don't actually want to send your child to nursery and you're using this illness as an excuse, just own that and be honest with your family. Assuming you have alternate childcare and aren't trying to WFH with a small child, do what suits your family best.

But equally, understand that this first year of illness (and tbh it was two bad winters for us) will be hard whenever you do it. Mine is at school now and he had two days off all year in Reception, compared to being off sick probably every two weeks in his first winter at nursery.

This. Saying there there isn’t going to help you. Telling you the truth as people who have done it before isn’t cruel.
Our kids have all survived despite having older siblings who, shock horror, get sick sometimes. Illness is part of parenting.

@handsoap if I didn’t get so poorly last pregnancy I don’t think I’d be questioning it but just a week into nursery and feeling this sick is a toughie.
Not sure I have months of feeling like this and being pregnant/ caring for DC1 in me 🥴

@SnapdragonToadflax worrying about the health of DC2 isn’t an excuse to avoid sending DC1 to nursery.
I have options and so I’m trying to work out what’s safest for all of us.

@HerewegoagainSS I never said people who choose to do that are cruel I’ve said the way people have replied and the words they have chose to use are cruel and completely unnecessary.
I didn’t come here for an echo chamber but I also didnt come here for unhelpful, nasty comments.

@HerewegoagainSS also just because your children survived doesn’t mean others would be completely healthy in the same situation. I have multiple options given my circumstances and it’s completely rational and sensible to explore those to find the best solution for both DC1 & hopefully DC2. Especially given how poorly I got during my last pregnancy without a toddler at nursery.

@CheshireMummyy it's really rough dealing with the sickness/illness whilst pregnant but you just have to manage as best you can if you think you'd like him to persevere with nursery. Currently pregnant with number 2 and dreading the winter bug onslaught... Think of the benefit of having some childcare once your second one is here?! I'd rather do the settling stage now than with a newborn and reap the benefit of some childcare to give you a few days with just one persons needs to manage!

@SErunner definitely get that. I guess that’s what’s going through my head is will it be harder to settle DC1 when all being well DC2 is here and should I just deal with it now or will I get really poorly again and could it risk DC2’s health?
Never easy to make these decisions is it 🤦🏻‍♀️

There are probably a handful of serious illnesses that might affect your pregnancy but routine cold/flu/vomiting bugs won't, even the ones that make you feel really unwell. Chicken pox is the most obvious one I'd be cautious about but not an issue if your oldest has already had it? I can't think of anything else we've had through nursery that would pose risk to pregnancy. Thankfully our daughter has had chicken pox. It's not easy when you've got the choice, I can understand your worries.

To add re chicken pox - you could pay for him to be vaccinated to get round that issue?

You obviously have options and now, a range of views to help you make your decision.

Just go with what makes you feel most comfortable. Catching bugs while you’re pregnant may be unavoidable but if you have the option to mitigate it slightly, why not.

Your son is only 16 months, he won’t be missing out dramatically on anything for not going to nursery now and going at 3 instead.

The exhaustion that comes with working around a toddler plus pregnancy isn't very good for baby either. You may be come glad of nursery for the extra time and rest it gives you.

Under 3 really don't get anything out of it. Why send him if you don't have to? They have no understanding of time either so 'seeing you later' means nothing.

You'll get a lot of defensiveness about nursery on here op. Fact is he'll pick up all the bugs there and you won't know what he's up to all day as he's too young to tell you. Wait til he's 3 and he can at least say if it's awful.

@Carouselfish the value of nursery isn't the point of this thread. There are plenty of others on that topic you can contribute to if you enjoy making working mothers feel bad.

@SErunner he sadly hasn’t had chicken pox and I did mention the vaccine on the peanut thread but someone mentioned it is expensive and isn’t very effective? However Google says it’s 98% effective? 🥴

I would go by the national stats on the vaccine rather than anecdotes - you could check this with your local pharmacy as well? You can shop around for prices for the vaccine as it does vary, local mums might have good intel for your area. I think it's roughly £60-70 per dose (they have to have 2).