Neurotic Husband Here - Early Pregnancy Advice

[superkiff]

Hi,

Can't believe I've finally made it on here! Anyhow, long story short, my wife and I have been trying for IVF for a year. First attempt failed, but we had good news last weekend of a positive test result, and tested 2 days later, and a week later and still positive. So very exciting.

However, my wife has been saying she's having period-like cramps in one side for a few days, and Dr Google said this was normal. However, me being the neurotic one in the household searched NHS and I started seeing things like ectopic pregnancies and I'm starting to overthink.

So, any advice on how to look out for things? I don't want to be constantly asking how she feels etc, but obviously want to be sure she's OK and that these cramps are most likely to be expected.

It's tough having to keep quiet and refrain from discussing with friends and fam at this stage, hence my posting here :)

Thanks for your help!

Hello! Congratulations ☺️ I also had IVF and had cramping on one side (my left). I was worried about it but it was quite off and on and when I asked the clinic they said it was normal. Could be where the blastocyst implanted, could be ovaries still very big (mine were still enlarged at 10 weeks). If she starts getting other pain in shoulder or ectopic symptoms then I’d worry, or if the pain gets significantly worse. But I think ectopic pain is more sharp and constant whereas period cramps are more of a dull ache. If you are worried you can go to an early pregnancy unit to confirm where the blastocyst has implanted but really they wouldn’t be able to see much until 5.5/6 weeks anyway - it’s too tiny to spot. Good luck! I’m sure it’s totally fine ☺️

So, any advice on how to look out for things? I don't want to be constantly asking how she feels etc

You don't have to look out. She will. Pregnancy is one of those things where women are just in control of it. Of course ask her how she is, but in a way that's about her, not the baby, not the pregnancy. Just like you would any other day. It's hard but it's her body and she will tell you if she needs you to do anything.

And please let her follow advice as she wants to. Men, particularly anxious men, sometimes think pregnancy gives them an opinion on raw fish, or Brie or coffee. It's still her body. You just make sure you do what you can to help out and she will be fine.

I had exactly the same in the early days of my IVF experience, and now have a 2.5 yo ☺️ honestly, the best way to support her is to be a reassuring voice and do what you can to ease the stress.

Can I just say.....one reply you've had quite annoyed me ... So I want to say well done you!!!! There's not many husbands that would be posting on here and so supportive, continue to support her and she will definitely tell you if something doesn't feel quite right. Bravo for being an attentive husband 👏👏👏

Period type cramps and one side are very normal.

Severe pain and bleeding is something you would watch out for. Good luck 🤞

Believe it or not it's his baby too.... Men have a right too! 🤦‍♀️

Believe it or not it's his baby too.... Men have a right too! 🤦‍♀️

Not till it's born they don't, how ridiculous.

Wooowwwww disgusting attitude YES they do!!!

Men have a right too!

What right? Serious question. Emotionally involved? Yes. Right to tell women what to do with their bodies? No.

He isn't telling her what to do with her body 😂😂 men have a right to be concerned and involved in their unborn child! Full stop. Men can't win.....not supportive enough they don't care and are useless.... Too supportive and they have no rights. Worlds gone to s*.

I don't know why you're all crying laughing faces and hyperbole.

I gave some advice, OP can take it or not.

And you can say 'shit' on here. We're all grown-ups.

OFGS !! Just stop it and be supportive.. just like he is trying to be !

Can you not work out how hideous the whole journey to IVF has been for BOTH of them ? Years of TTC and disappointed outcomes .. really difficult for a man to know just how to support his wife .. so give him a break .

I had 5 years infertility before I had my first . It's absolutely heartbreaking.

'Rights' no of course there are none .. but he is RIGHT to want to know how to support the person he loves now that they have their goal in sight. Just stop banging the feminist drum all the time and give yourself the day off and consider that some men do actually care about their spouse's health, wellbeing and happiness.

I'm not even going to entertain you anymore and de-rail the nice well wishing thread. You don't come across very grown up. Have a lovely feminist evening ❤️

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Congratulations 😊 no advice but how exciting for you both

Blimey, didn't expect such drama in the replies! I'm by no means being controlling or telling her what she can and can't do, I was just seeking some anonymous advice as its pretty difficult to garner information without being to talk to people that I know who have been through this.

It's quite reductive to assume something when you can only go on a few hundred written words!

Anyhow, I haven't come on here to war, and hopefully by the sounds of things theres nothing to be worried about. Thanks all!

Congratulations to you both!
This is my third pregnancy and I have always experienced cramping in the first trimester, a bit like period pains and can sometimes be strong and uncomfortable.
I've never been through IVF, so I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I've read a few posts from IVF mums where they've said the clinic usually does a scan in the first trimester to check everything is ok and where it should be before discharging you. Will this be the same for you?

MN is insane 😂 men literally can’t win sometimes

Congratulations! And well done for making it on to Mumsnet.

If you've had IVF then surely you don't need to worry about an ectopic pregnancy? The blastocyst won't have climbed out of her womb and back up into the fallopian tubes.

Hi, yes we have a scan in a couple of weeks.

I think in the waiver forms we signed it said there was a risk of ectopic pregnancy, however that might have been in the event of multiple embryo transfers. I can't recall. We had one embryo transferred.

Good luck for the scan, at least it's not too long to wait.
I think the chances of ectopic are still really low, even with IVF pregnancy so I'm sure it will be absolutely fine. Your wife can still take paracetamol (no ibuprofen) and run her a nice warm bath which should help.

as per PP I would think an ectopic pg was less likely with IVF
I get that you're anxious OP but honestly anyone who is pregnant is quite capable of worrying for themselves- please DON'T share the results of your googling with her. Just make her a nice cup of tea and plan something nice to do together.

It’s actually a higher risk of ectopic in IVF - no idea why exactly but the blastocysts float around a while in there so anything can happen.

hello IVF gal here! I’ve had 4 rounds and am finally 9 weeks pregnant! I too had funny aches in one side and called the clinic and they said it was normal. I had no other concerning symptoms.
yes, ivf can have a risk of ectopic depending on where the embryo is placed, the risk of ectopic is actually greater in ivf then it is in natural conception. But her symptoms would be more intense and others too.
Can I just say, I admire your attitude to wanting to help support your wife. IVF is fucking shit for both partners, the men never get asked how they are during the process. It’s mentally draining. I’m so happy for you both to have this positive result.
Good luck for your first scan ❤️

ps. Ignore some of those inappropriate comments, you have every right to ask & most women would be proud to have a man care so much about them & their baby.

Also sorry OP for the few people on here chastising you for caring and being anxious. People who haven’t been through ivf or infertility have no idea how gruelling for both partners it is. If my partner was writing messages on here for advice I would feel enormous love - not more anxiety. It’s lovely you have reached out and I certainly understand the horrible anxiety while waiting for the first scan and all you have is a pregnancy test to go on. Those who haven’t been through it will never understand.
Good luck to you and your partner - my only advice is to take each day as it comes, check in with each other and keep yourselves busy to make the time pass. ☺️