Will social services be involved if im pregnant again

[OneNavyViper]

So basically my case is closed and has been for 2 years and ive been frightened to my core of having them involved because it wasnt due to my behaviour in the first place. So long story short my mother was a drinker and got into alot of fights with people and being in dv relationships from me being 8 years old and social services have been in and out of my life since that time and i fell pregnant as soon as i left school and i still had a social worker and i was on child in need at the time and they stayed involved monitored my behaviour and my mothers and she didn't stop drinking in fact this made it worse and the police was phoned 3 times during my pregnancy and my mental health was decreasing (antenatal depression) so they put my son on child protection before he was even born and when i gave birth they moved me from my mums and to my dads which i begged them not to as me and my dad dont get along and being there made me depressed so i got moved anyway and i had them involved for six more months then they closed the case my sons father wasnt involved from the beginning so they didnt really focus on that too much but im pregnant again and im an adult now and i want to keep this baby and have a good pregnancy and birth because i was so traumatised by my last one i have a partner too now and he is amazing he took my son on as his own and hes my saftey net as are my family and life is great at the minute im so worried that they will be involved again as ive moved back to my mums but she doesnt have a drop of alcohol around my son or me anymore and i had to move myself because me and my dad have been clashing and its not a great environment but now im back at my mums im the happiest ive ever been and my partner lives with me and my mum hardly lives here because she lives with her partner and shes trying to downsize her flat so we can both get somewhere with housing my son is starting nursery in 2 weeks and im so worried they will be on my back again ive had so much drama with them over my mum and blamed for things because of her and i really dont think i could handle another situation like this again can someone please give me answers.

Ok, this is very hard to read but yeah, if you're living with your mum again and all those issues were noted previously, and social services moved you away from her, then it sounds like they will get involved again, especially as you've got your son living there with her.

Can you and your partner not try to get your own place?

Yes, they will be involved again.

If you’re not already pregnant then I would focus on making your life more stable, getting a job (although you may already have one), get a place to live. How long have you been with your new partner? You need to be in an established relationship, have not rushed to move your son in with a new man, and have lived with him for a good chunk of time before thinking about getting pregnant. Showing your capable of putting your existing child first will show SS that you’re a good parent.

Ive been on the housing list for about a year and im not getting anywhere at all this was one of the reasons i moved back because its not a 3 bed house like my dads its a small 2 bedroom flat so it would be classed as severe overcrowding.

So would they get involved if my mum is hardly here anymore shes basically given this flat to me and is even trying to put me on the tenency so i have security but theres been no police refferals for two years or any problems?

I’m pretty sure they would be involved yes, but it doesn’t mean you are at risk of them taking your children. They will be there for support, to make sure you me children are safe and happy. As long as they are, nothing to worry about

Housing lists are really long. Does your partner work? Can you use UC towards renting privately? You need to get out of your mums.

I also think it's wrong to feign overcrowding to try and jump the housing list but I suppose that's besides the point.

Yea they will be involved and it will be better if you let them know yourself as soon as you are pregnant as it shows understanding. You are in a different place and their involvement will be less as you can show moving on. But they will be involved but you are with your first child and things are better than that now. Work with them not against them

You need to get advice re housing asap. I don't think I would advise your mum adds you as a joint tenant as you won't get a property independently.
If a Social Worker does become involved they maybe able to help.
It sounds like you've had a really difficult time and I would suggest some counselling and you need to ensure your children are not exposed to abusive behaviours.

I think it is a possibility. However, the safety plan could be that your mum stays at her boyfriend whilst you live at her property. Also never leave your children unsupervised.

It is likely that SS could be involved because you still have a complicated relationship with the people who were largely responsible for your issues in the past.

But, if you ,and they ,are now in a more stable environment, without the alcohol involvement, and you now have a partner who is giving you stability in your life, and they see that your son is well provided for, cared for and in a loving home , then that is all they will want to know. They would not be doing their job if they let a new born come into a fragile relationship because new babies are often the catalyst that disrupts things if there are already cracks.

Yes they probably will and rightly so. You’re bringing another child into a very chaotic situation and don’t seem to be aware of it. You obviously need more support to be able to be a good mum.

This

Ive just spoken to my mum and shes ringing them for advice thank you everyone and i am in a really good place im only worries because i dont want to be treated like the fragile 17 year old i was im stronger now but im more angry than terrified due to it not being my fault but me and my mum are in better places but i really need to move out of here because i need my own space with my family and it was overcrowded at my dads to the point of it being unbearable to live with them me and my son wasnt sleeping because of my brother shouting at early hours in the morning on his xbox and my dad wouldnt do anything to calm him down and it was just messy and my mental health was declining staying there any longer where as now ive got my own space and i feel like im in the calmest environment ever.

Can you look at private rent, apply for UC. Does your partner work?

Risk is fluid, people and circumstances can change. The same risks that were present originally may not be there now - but yes they will prob get involved to re-assess. They may simply do an assessment and then close the case though if things are as you described. If they are not and they are concerned then yes there will be longer term involvement.

No idea why im being called a bad parent when theres been no problems/no referalls since my case has been closed im trying my best for my family and this environment is the calmest enviroment weve been in my son is doing amazing in nursery hes a happy healthy child and ive had no problems with my mental health at all since i was pregnant 3 years ago my mother had her own problems at the time i cut her off and she got in contact with me once she changed her ways how does any of this make me a bad mother

It will Flag up on your records

However, as long as you attend appts and cooperate with everything they ask they will be there for support. Maybe they can help with your housing situation? So it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

I don't see anyone call you a bad parent. But because of previous involvement due to your mums drinking and them removing you from that situation there's always a risk your mum could slip back. But as long as you're clear you don't leave them with the children unsupervised.

It sounds like you've done so much better for yourself so well done!

Regarding housing. I think you might need to go privately but the social worker can point you in the right direction for financial help with deposits etc

It may be the calmest environment you’ve been in but it’s still not a good environment. In the past 3 years you’ve had a child, moved from one chaotic household to another, had mental health issues, started a new relationship and allowed him to become very involved in your eldest child’s life (who didn’t have a present father) and are now pregnant again. Despite the fact that you don’t appear to be stable enough to even provide the child you have with a stable home away from addicts.

This may sound harsh but it’s the truth. Your posts are a pity party stating that none of this is your fault- it is. You’ve chosen to bring two children into a shitshow. It’s them who are hard done by, not you. You’re still very young and obviously not very mature but it’s time to step up and put them first.

I think if anything you are going to fall down with your seeming inability/refusal to consider any potential negatives or risks of your current housing/social/family situation.

It’s really great news that you feel so much calmer and more chilled out, but you still need to demonstrate healthy sceptiscism about some of the people you have in your life - namely - your mum. It’s a start that she’s not drinking around your or your son, but is she still drinking? Is your mum alcohol dependent? Because if she is then we all know it’s just not possible for her to go a day without a drink, so inevitably she will be in yours and your sons presence when she is intoxicated, even if she’s not currently lifting the glass to her mouth within your eye line. You are going to have to demonstrate to social services that you are able to truly see your mum and the risk she presents to you and your children and that you can take appropriate steps to safeguard yourself and your children from the risk of emotional harm presented by her condition.

You (and any siblings) were all on a CPP because of your Mum and her alcoholism and other factors shooting off from that. You can’t turn back up to social services and say “hey, we’re living with this woman who failed to adequately prioritise, protect and parent us, but don’t worry it’s all fine now and I feel super calm because I don’t have to actually see her drinking now, okay bye”.

You are not the child now, you’re not the person who needs safeguarding, you’re the mother in this situation now and the safety and wellbeing of your children is entirely within your power, but you will need to take a very long hard look at everyone around you, and consider what level of contact and involvement is appropriate for some of the people who are important to you. You need to step outside of the victim/child mentality and take control of your life for the ultimate wellbeing of your children. You need to make your own decisions, boundaries and a plan for your family unit to become independent from your family of origin as soon as you can.

Social services will want to see that you are able to recognise threats/risk to the emotional and physical wellbeing of your children and are able to plan to mitigate/eliminate the risk.

The first thing that struck me is how little responsibility you're taking for what happened the first time. You say that SS involvement wasn't due to your behaviour, but it really was. You had a baby in a unstable environment with heavy drinking, DV and police call outs. Your preference was then to stay in that environment rather than move away.

But you were very young then, and honestly, you're still very young now. None of this is ideal. Your what, 19 and it's a lot of responsibilities to deal with when most young women of your age have none.

However, in having children so young, that's the decision you've made really and Its not the responsibility of your parents or the government/council to fund your family or give you somewhere to live. You're on the housing list - great, but that doesn't mean you continue to live in an unstable environment - you have a toddler and soon a baby to think about. Are you both working? Can you find somewhere to privately rent? Honestly becoming pregnant again now was totally irresponsible but you are pregnant, and so you need to take some responsibility for things.

I wouldn't expect SS involvement (or maybe just solve cursory box ticking) if you were living together independently. As things currently are I can see why they'd want to keep an eye.

OP was a child during her last involvement with social services, one with a difficult upbringing, let’s not forget that. She herself was subject to the child protection plan because she wasn’t being adequately parented, she can’t be blamed for that part.

Reflection is valuable though, and it would be useful to her to reflect on some of the things that went wrong in her childhood and how she can prevent those same issues befalling her children.

OP, I’m really keen to know if you had any involvement if the Family Nurse Partnership during your first pregnancy?

They’re usually working closely alongside the health visiting teams, but specifically for younger mothers. You could perhaps ask to work with them (or have them involved again if you did last time), this would be viewed positively by social services and you will have structured support around some of the issues relating to your home life/children/social services, etc.

Having a child is your responsibility. You need to move asap. They will be involved, and it doesn’t matter whose fault the circumstances are, you need independence and to take on the load you’ve chosen to bear.

Why is your mum calling them instead of you calling them?