Baby sharing room with 8 year old

[Starjumpfifty]

Hi, I'm looking for some tips on good ways to split/share bedrooms between children with age gaps.

I live in a 2 bed house with more than enough space for another one and I don't plan to move as we love it here. My daughter will be nearly 8 when the baby's born, so it's quite a big age gap. Her room is a good size, but I've no idea the best way to split it or arrange it so that she can share comfortably with her younger sibling, especially if it's a boy (which I believe it is).

I don't own so cannot put up any walls.

Has anybody done this with big age gaps and opposite genders? What would be the best way to make sure they each have their own space and privacy over the coming years? Any advice appreciated, thank you.

My DDs age gap wasn’t as big (4 years) but what we did was to give the eldest a high bed, so that she had “protectable space” from the marauding toddler getting into all her belongings.

It worked pretty well as the bed has a den underneath it where they both play and the younger DD realised pretty quickly that even when she was big enough to get up into her sister’s bed that she shouldn’t be doing it.

We have since moved house so they have a room each - the eldest is delighted but the younger one really misses sharing a room with her sister.

Thank you! I hadn't thought about a high bed, this is a great idea and my daughter would love it! I worry about the future as I really don't want to leave this house/area, so, as my daughter nears her teens years, I feel this might become an issue. I just want her to feel she still has space and privacy as much as possible. Thank you.

I would worry less about privacy and more about the baby disturbing the older child’s sleep. Babies and toddlers wake in the night and your daughter needs to be properly rested for school. Neither should she have to creep into her room to sleep at night jf her sibling has gone to bed earlier. What if she wants to read/listen to an audio book for a bit before?

Can you post a floor plan of the room Witt doors and windows so people can make suggestions.

I'd start with a high bed for the older child but later move to a room divider.

This can split a room in a rental into two areas.

www.diy.com/ranges/building-ranges/alara

This. It's a big age gap and will be difficult for both. In 5 years there'll be a teen and a child in primary school.

I can't see it working well really.

As your daughter approaches puberty, she is going to need privacy, especially if her younger sibling is a brother.

Sorry but I actually disagree that you have ample space. You can’t seriously expect, what will one day been a hormonal, stroppy teenager to share with a 5 year old?!

This. No way should a teenage girl be sharing with a young boy. If you unlucky you have:

A baby who doesn't sleep and cries a lot disturbing a 8 yo. An annoying, destructive toddler irritating a tween. A nosy 5 yo boy upsetting a 13 yo. A 10 yo boy interfering with the relationships and privacy of an 18 yo girl.

You could be lucky and not have the above, but risking that for your girl is irresponsible.

this

just to add - I think it would create resentment from the 8 yo. I know my 5 yo would like to be woken up at night by a baby. Is it possible for LO to sleep in your room until you figure something out?

This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. I honestly couldn't see this working long term OP regardless of whether you have a boy or a girl. The gap is simply too big and it's not fair on your daughter to adapt how she uses her room because you're having another child.

I think the only two viable options are a room each and you making another space in the house e.g the living room your bedroom or moving house, anything else is just not fair on either of your children.

Plenty of cultures have babies in with their parents until they are 3 or thereabouts. Lots of time to find a new place to live.

That's not fair on your DD. Find another solution.

What you've suggested would not be fair to your daughter. Unless you move it sounds as though the baby will need to share your room.

I think you should move into the bigger room and sleep with your new baby on the same room. This can remain the case for a number of years just have them in their own bed

That's a big age gap. You'll really need to keep baby with you until have a bigger house. Or what's the layout downstairs? Any dining room that could become a bedroom?

I can't see that working at all! You could have the baby in with you for a couple of years but in 3 years, your DD will be at secondary school. What about her privacy, downtime, sleepovers etc? And a three year old touching her make up or nick nacks? And then soon after, starting her periods and having a young school aged child in the room. It just wouldn't work and certainly wouldn't be fair on your daughter.
You either need to move, convert the garage/loft/extend (if you can), or you'll have to have the new addition in with you!

Can't you have the baby in your room?

Feels very unfair to put the baby in with your daughter, she's not the mum, you are!

I've nothing against babies being in their own room, but you can't just expect your daughter to be woken several times a night, etc etc.
Your daughter needs her sleep.

I was the 8 year old in this scenario and it was absolutely fine, I until I was 11 and then thank god we moved house. I had a sister as well so you would have more issues if you have a boy because of puberty.

This isn’t a long term solution OP.

I have a similar age gap to you (nearly 9 years, opposite sex siblings). It wouldn't work in a shared room I'm afraid.

Work on the presumption that you'll keep baby in your room for as long as you can. I still get the now 6 year old pottering in to me at night a couple of times a week, which would disturb the older sibling if they shared a room.

We also have to do holiday accommodation, where there are 2 bedrooms, as girls in one and boys in the other. We wouldn't put the 2 children in the same room, even with twin beds. You have a teenager shutting their lamp off between 10 and 11pm, and sleeping in next morning, and an early primary DC asleep by 8.30 and up any time after 5am the next morning.

For me, I'd look at ways in which maybe you could move a wardrobe out of your room into your DD's room, and use that space to create a divided space for the baby / younger DC within your room. They can't share with a sibling with that age gap I'm afraid.

Seems terribly unfair to make an 8 year old girl share with a baby/toddler boy (and clearly unsuitable longer term), but I guess in the early days it gives you time to plan a move? Room dividers, a cabin bed, strategically placed shelving, etc would be a good start for now?

I think for the first 3 years or so, baby should share with you, just because an 8 year old can not be expected to cope with focusing on school after sleepless nights because of baby crying. Once the little one sleeps through, you could try room dividers, whether it’s something almost like a wall (but that can be removed easily), screens, large wardrobes etc for privacy.

I have an 8yr old, no way could she happily share with a baby. She goes to bed later than a baby does, she isn’t particularly quiet (not noisy either but I can’t see her silently getting into bed), she wants to stay up and read, or play with her toys before sleeping. She falls asleep with the light on and sometimes the radio. She is also exhausted if she doesn’t sleep well, it would be really unfair to wake her every time the babies cried.

Much better for the baby to share your room until you move house

Sorry just to clarify, the baby would be in with me to start, and I'm happy to keep it that way for a number of years. My daughter slept with me until around age 4 even with her own room, so I'm expecting something similar.

It's more the future I'm concerned about, for all the reasons mentioned above. Just wondered if there was a way of making it work but I guess not.

Sorry but I can't see it working, short term yes the baby will be in with you but then what? You're going to have a tween girl and a toddler possibly boy sharing? Really unfair for your DD.
I think you need to make plans to move to a 3 bed in the next couple of years