panicking as to whether its worth it..

[Tinkerisdead]

I'm quite ashamed of feeling like this but at 10 weeks pregnant I keep getting real waves of panic as to whether Ive done the right thing.

Ive felt really ill with morning sickness and tiredness, im snappy at DH as im tired and hormonal. Then i think about how its gonna be backache, breathlessness, more sleeplessness from a big bump etc and thats nothing compared to a baby screaming in the night.

It just feels like a massive burden and impact on my body, this is a first baby and so I have nothing to compare to. Im excited about the nice bits but I have a real sense now that its not all nice bits and I just feel so overwhelmed. I know I love babies, I know im gonna be the best that I can be at this. But when i already feel like crap and people tell me "what hard work it is, wait til the real tiredness hits etc etc" I cant help feeling overwhelmed and frankly scared that Ive let myself in for a world of shit with no backing out.

I know I sound selfish and my baby is very much wanted and planned but now i'm feeling so rough i think its really hit me at how hard this is going to be and I dont really have a sense of the rewards having never done it.

sorry for long rant just feeling quite scared and emotional today.

I didn't want my baby at all for about the first six months of pregnancy.

But I adored her from birth and couldn't imagine life without her. She's by far my greatest achievement in life.

That sounds very familar! And yes, you are very tired now, pregnancy tiredness is, IME, far worse than new baby tiredness.

You're got huge amounts of crazy hormones making you loopy and moody, but once you get on a few more weeks it will (probably) all settle down and you'll feel much better about it all.

And when you do get your new little baby it will all be worth it and you'll wonder why you ever worried

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Perfectly normal feelings to have. This is life changing!! Feeling like crap doesn't help but hopefully you will start to feel better soon.I've been like this everytime and still done it again (4 times so far). If you still feel down in a few wks talk to your mw,she will of heard it before so don't feel bad.

Aw bless......

honey, if you were ready for a baby before you got preg you are still ready. There's nothing you can do now(i'm willing to bet if you did change your mind you would regret it)
Pregnancy is not fun. Nobody will lie and say it is, and I've never got past the point I'm at now (18.5 weeks) but after 12-13 weeks it got a whole lot better. The last 2-3 months will be tiring but come on! You can do it! It's 8 months (cos you don't notice the first one!) of trouble for a baby. If you want a baby, then it IS worth it and you CAN do it!

Don't worry, it's a very common fear. xxx

I felt at my worst at 10 weeks. It does get much better. I didn't enjoy being pregnant that much TBH quite uncomfortable and tiring etc. Despite really wanting a baby I thought that if I can't handle this part without even having a bump how will I do all the rest. BUT as soon as you get the baby in your arms you can't even remember what all the fuss was about. I wanted to have another baby straight away- well not straight away but am TTC now with DD 5 months.
No tiredness is like those first few weeks of pregnancy (for me anyway) Getting up to the baby is not as bad because they give you so much back in their lovely faces and smiles and cuddles. Hang in there you will feel much better in a month or so.

I had horrible morning sickness wih my first prenancy until 14 weeks, and on reflection I felt worse in those first 14 weeks of pregnancy than when I had a newborn.

The first part of pregnancy (imo) is the hardest bit to get through. You feel drained and miserable and not particularly pregnant. Once you get over the sickness it's like coming back to the land of the living.

The last few weeks are difficult for other reasons (you are big, hot and tired), but you are then on the homestretch and know that it won't be long until you meet your lo.

Everything you are feeling is very normal and this won't be the first wobble you have - believe me!

All of that has made me cry. I cant believe what a lovely place mumsnet is. I post and within ten minutes im flooded with support.

I definately want this baby, Im just overwhelmed at the unknown. But I planned this and before I felt like crap i was rationale about the decision, feeling ill just makes you plunge into a heavy realisation.

Thank you for such lovely comments xx

this is all normal

I am pg with my third and still worried about what i am doing with a baby!!

Please don't worry, pg can be horrible sometimes, you are still in the early bits when it is definitiely rubbish, it does get better,

yu will forget about this totally when you see your baby.

You'll be grand, girl! Ignore all those smug people who giv you well meaning 'advice' they're just trying to be clever. My so called best friend has been revelling in giving me in depth details on her labour until I told her to shut up.
Our baby was planned (for a hell of a long time)too but the first few weeks it really hit home that our lives would never be the same again, and I had moments where I wondered if we had made a huge mistake.HOWEVER am now feeling like a smug happy fat bird who, despite her no.1 hobby being sleep, cannot wait now for our little person to arrive. Once you start to feel better and see him/ her on the scan for the first time you'll be crying like a, ahem, baby. Good luck!! When are you due?x

p.s- when I said smug people I didn't mean the lovely ladies on here- was referring to the people you mentioned!!xxx

Totally natural to be apprehensive. I remember panicking about whether we were doing the right thing about three days before I had DD!

It is hard work, but agree with the others that the pregnancy can be the hardest thing. Try to take everyone's well meaning advice with a pinch of salt, grace and a smile - then ignore 90% of it.

You sound like you are so ready for this baby. Enjoy yourself - I promise it gets better.

Beakas due in Nov :-)

I had a moment of panic when I saw myself with a bump - really hit home that I'm a f%&%ing pregnant woman!!! I think moments of panic are normal! I panic at the thought of a baby then I panic when I don't feell it moving........pregnancy sends us mad, it's true. In a week or two you won't remember why you felt like this! xxx

The reason apeople tell you about all the hard work and the sleepless nights and lack of cash and poo under your fingernails is because you can describe them.

What no one can describe is the all-consuming, overwhelming love you feel for your child. It knocks your whole world off its axis.

It's worth it.

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I have to say felt EXACTLY the same... it's the sudden realisation you are now on a path you can't get out of.... I had it a bit later more like 15 weeks, but is really is awful - it does get better!

Sorry you're feeling so low thedoctorswife. this is quite a hard time as morning sickness starts to take it's toll.

These feelings are all perfectly natural and are nature's way of helping us prepare ourselves mentally for life with a baby I think. Most women have them to some degree or another throughout their pregnancy.

You should start to feel better physically in a few weeks time, and the second trimester is usually a breeze.

It is hard work and life changing/life affirming and your routines will never be the same again, but they are so so worth it......and not all babies are up all night screaming. sure they wake up, but they cry, you feed them/change them/cuddle them and they go back to sleep...generally.

I think there are probably a few feeling like this on the November thread

Hi,

I haven't read all the thread, but I feel like this too and I'm due next week! It's my second, though, so I know it'll be OK. Being PG is awful, especially the beginning. You will feel better in a couple of weeks, and by the end you might even feel excited. It's a unique time of your life - good and bad. And to be honest, after the first few tough weeks are over, it just gets easier and easier after LO is born. And you'll adore him/her. It WILL be worth it, honestly. And I don't even like children very much
Scared and emotional is very normal.
Good luck!

I'm very glad you started this post as I had some very similar feelings a couple of weeks ago and I was feeling very guilty about it all. TBH my concerns were very selfish ones, my pregnancy was (very!) unplanned and a couple of years earlier than expected. My husband and I are quite young (26 and 27) and we have only been married for 11 months so I was looking forward to a couple of years of expensive holidaying, going out and spending money on us without any cares. DINKY-ness as my friends call it (Dual Income No Kids Yet - big emphasis was always on the Yet)

It has taken me a while to get my head around it all, I think, that even if you plan your pregnancy actually being pregnant is completely different. On top of the preparations you are making your body has to contend with a whole host of new symptoms and experiences - and the fact that our hormones are raging out of control will not help!

So I can't give you any great advice except hang in there, my feelings of resentment at the situation (I feel less guilty now saying that as I think it was normal at such unexpected life changing news) have now gone away, and whilst I know my life will change massively, really this is something which I always wanted to do at some point. And although it was unplanned, I'm not sure who does get to plan these things with any precision! Personally I think it just takes a bit of time to get your head around something (amazing!) which will change your life forever and we can't be expected to do that overnight.

PS - I just wanted to say thank you to all the supportive people on here who have written such nice responses to TheDoctorsWife's question - it made me comfortable in sharing my experiences on here too.

Don't feel ashamed, the first trimester can be an awful time. I am pregnant with planned #3 and I felt the same at times. I had a really rough first few months and the tiredness and sickness is horrendous. You can't believe how something so tiny can make you feel so bad so you wonder if it's normal or if you're making a fuss - you're not, it is normal and you're feeling the same as thousands of other pregnant women.

Take care

I can honestly say pregnancy - especially that first trimester was worse for me than labour, a newborn or any other stage up until the 21 months DS is now.

I drove the midwife and DH insane during labour - after every contraction I would say "god that hurt...but its nothing compared to pregnancy!". And I fully meant it. The tiredness and sickness you have in pregnancy is different to sleep deprived newborn stage - give me that baby over pregnancy any day. With pregnancy no matter how much you sleep or rest you still feel exhausted. With a baby, firstly you can see why you arent sleeping and secondly if you do ever get chance to sleep you do catch up. The human body is amazing and adapting too. I look back now and wonder how I coped sometimes when DS has been up in the night - but I did and did fine.

People also like to tell you its going to be awful for some reason. I still find that people are telling me I will never cope with whatever the next stage is. Apparently I wouldnt cope with pregnancy, birth, a newborn, teething, when they sit up, when they crawl, when they walk, when they turn one...and now apparently Im not going to cope when he turns two (or with a new baby). But guess what I have - and I will. And its never ever ever been as bad as they said it would be or as I feared. I beleive all of this even contributed to my pnd - I remember being in tears to the HV saying "I wont cope" and she said "but you are already".

And you will cope - these things are always worse to think about than they are in reality! And people only tell you the bad things which of course makes you worry as you feel they know about these things and you dont. But they have not experience of your baby.

I still have the odd moment of panic now at 20 weeks but know in reality it wont be as bad as my panics are and the love I will feel for the bbay will be overwhelming once they are here.

xxxxx

Thank you thank you thank you for posting this question, and thanks to everyone who has responded ... this is exactly how I've been feeling.

Being pregnant has been just about the worst thing ever, like being ill for months with no respite, crying all the time and feeling like a burden to my lovely DP when I used to be fun and exciting!

All people keep telling me is that this is the easy part! I have been seriously worried that I won't cope with my little boy when he is born. I don't think the "you just wait" brigade have any idea of the damage they do!

In a way, it's taken the edge off the nice moments, seeing him on the scan, picking his name, buying his clothes, decorating his room, these are things most little girls dream of!

What I love about this site is the people who are willing to say "It's not as bad as everyone tells you". That means so much, especially to a first-timer like me.

And to me Borglady. Thank you to everyone on here. Today I woke up with Morning sickness subsided enough to have a cup of tea. Ive logged on here and just feel much more positive. As I said before this is such a lovely place to be when you need support. x