panicking as to whether its worth it..

[Tinkerisdead]

I'm quite ashamed of feeling like this but at 10 weeks pregnant I keep getting real waves of panic as to whether Ive done the right thing.

Ive felt really ill with morning sickness and tiredness, im snappy at DH as im tired and hormonal. Then i think about how its gonna be backache, breathlessness, more sleeplessness from a big bump etc and thats nothing compared to a baby screaming in the night.

It just feels like a massive burden and impact on my body, this is a first baby and so I have nothing to compare to. Im excited about the nice bits but I have a real sense now that its not all nice bits and I just feel so overwhelmed. I know I love babies, I know im gonna be the best that I can be at this. But when i already feel like crap and people tell me "what hard work it is, wait til the real tiredness hits etc etc" I cant help feeling overwhelmed and frankly scared that Ive let myself in for a world of shit with no backing out.

I know I sound selfish and my baby is very much wanted and planned but now i'm feeling so rough i think its really hit me at how hard this is going to be and I dont really have a sense of the rewards having never done it.

sorry for long rant just feeling quite scared and emotional today.

oooh some kindred spirits!!

I have been hiding my shame and guilt at my feelings for the last month or so, so it is really reassuring to hear that I am not alone in feeling 'panic', 'hopelessness' (at not being able to live my life as it was before being pregnant due to feeling rough as a badger - still)and general 'uncertain' feelings about this much longed for pregancy.

I am almost 16 weeks pregnant now following a number of mcs and have gradually been feeling more and more down about this pregancy since about 11 weeks. I have had high risk screening results, chronic nausea (been in hosp) and in the last few weeks bad pelvic and groin pain (doc diagnosed as onset of SPD) so it has been a challenging time!

I too have had many well meaning friends and family making me feel worse about what is still to come for the duration of the pregancy, labour and also those early weeks following baby's arrival. Why do they do this???? It makes it seem as though I am being pathetic and weak and not coping very well with the early stages of pregnancy - then again I suppose I'm not really lol!

Anyway - just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted here - made me feel better and in a little way has given me hope that all will be worth it in the end and my initial preganancy euphoria will return - thanks girls x

I remember talking to a friend when I was pregnant and at that stage she had a 6 month old. I said that I hadn't enjoyed being pregnant and she said she loved it and really missed it.
I also had a mc before my pregnancy so spent the first 10 weeks checking my knickers with each twinge. I remember waking up one day and feeling so much better for some reason-no morning sickness- and then spent the rest of the day convinced that I was losing the baby. The next day the morning sickness was back with a vengence.
The good thing is you forget each stage as you finish it. As soon as the morning sickness stopped (5 months in in my case) I forgot how bad it was. As soon as I had had DD I forgot how uncomfortable the last few weeks were with SPD, back ache and about 5 trips to the toilet of a night.
As soon as I had the baby in my arms I forgot about the labour. as soon as she started sleeping through the night I forgot about those tiring few weeks.
I want another baby now and am nervous about the pregnancy because I know what a PITA I was. DH was so annoyed with me. But these are the things we do to have our lovely children.
I wish I had know about MN when I was pregnant. It has been lovely reading about everyones experiences and knowing you aren't the only one.

God this post takes me back to about oh, five or six times during my pregnancy when I've had the serious wobbles about it all. One time was so bad I had to change my nickname to post as I felt SO ashamed of how negative I felt. Honestly, just a few days later I felt entirley differently. The positive responses I received really helped me realise that it is completely normal to feel like this. Now I've started to realise that there would probably be something wrong with us all if we didn't have doubts about this massive challenge we're undertaking. Don't suffer in silence, sometimes writing it down here really helps. This pregnancy thing is bloody hard work and those 'well meaning' comments like 'oooh, you've got no idea whats in store/you're life's going to change' etc. just don't help. Keep your chin up, it will get better and sometimes it'll feel crap, but I'm certain it'll be worth it in the end. Aren't you ?

Thank GOD I'm not the only one feeling like that. So hearing you on the not being able to live my lovely life any more, no holidays, not time with husband, etc., etc.

Then we had friends to stay at the weekend with an 18 month old - gorgeous, but you never stop! Scared me witless.

1st trimester is really hard - I'm just remembering that and I'm barely 4 weeks pregnant with number 3! What have I done!

I remember first pregnancy panicking that I would never be able to cope with a baby. Then 2nd pregnancy panicking I'd never be able to cope with two. I seem to be doing ok so far (though i say so myself). As everyone else has said pregnancy/parenthood - some bits good, some bits bad, but the good bits waaaaaaaayyyyyy outdo the bad bits.

By the way all those 'well-meaning' people who seem intent on telling you how much harder it gets. You're best off adopting the smile-and-ignore tactic with them now as that does seem to carry on through pregnancy and beyond. When DD1 was a tiny baby she had colic and cried (a lot!) and like most new Mums I was anxious and just holding on in there for her to get better. I lost count of the number of people who helpfully told me "it only gets worse" "you wait till she's moving around" "Yeah they're no bother at that age are they. You wait till she's 6/12/18" etc etc. I was terrified. And they were wrong. DD1 got hugely better.

Sorry that kast sentence was appalling grammar - I meant things with DD1 got much much better. It was just a bad 'phase' and has been followed by so many good 'phases'.