Coping with bump size comments

[ToeBeans24]

Eugh sorry in advance about the rant.

I’m 19 weeks pregnant. In total I’ve gained 2lb. My pre pregnancy BMI was 25 so slightly overweight and a size 12.

Im getting so so SO fed up about comments on my bump. It started quite early and has continued.

People saying im showing quite a lot and am I sure there’s only one in there! Some even saying I absolutely must have my dates wrong.

I try to brush it off but I’m at the stage now where I come away from these encounters and actually cry!

I love my bump and I’m annoyed it’s effecting me. I had a previous miscarriage so I’m so happy to be carrying this hopefully healthy baby. Why do people feel the need to comment.

I don’t know how to respond or deal with these unwanted and unkind comments. Please help!

Just love your bump. It’s the last time your stomach will feel hard in a while! I’d massive bumps on all three of my kids and I felt like a whale but when I look at photos now I think I look amazing - glowing with health, thick beautiful hair. Find the beauty in it and the comments will roll off you.

@mollyfolk thank you 🤍. I get annoyed I let it bother me as I absolutely love my bump ! X

Hey @ToeBeans24 - just to say im 28 weeks and feeling the same! Popped to the shop earlier and saw two nursery parents one "youre really popping now" the other something similar. I was pregnant in covid last time and loved my bump and felt very confident - but we never really saw anyone. This time I feel very self conscious.

I do genuinely think people are trying to be nice and take an interest. As hard as it is, try and take it in that way.

If it's a genuinely unwanted/unkind comment, i have been shutting it down with something like "this is totally out of my control" or "things not to say to a pregnant lady"

Please try and ignore it and brush it off - ive felt self conscious the whole way through and i wish i could change that!

Super hero growing a baby, give yourself some grace (and need to take my own advice!) xx

Look them dead in the eye and say "How rude of you to comment on my body like that. Would you like me to do the same to you?" Usually shocks them enough to shut up.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. I know it's hard to ignore but try to enjoy your bump and know you've got a healthy little bubba growing inside.

If you feel confident enough to say it, ask them what they do to maintain such a slim stomach that you can replicate PP. Chances are most people haven't got a slim stomach so it's very tongue in cheek but might make them realise how rude they are being.

If it's any consolation, I was a similar size/BMI to you pre pregnancy and Gained four stone. I lost two straight after birth and the last two breastfeeding so try not to worry about weight gain x

Drove me mad people telling me my baby was going to be huge (nope), that I was going to go early (nope) etc etc alot of my bump was bloating and towards the end it neatened up and was smaller in my final weeks than in my first weeks was weird!
With 1st baby it got to me, by number 2 your used to it.
It's even worse when baby is born and you get people stopping you at inconvenient moments to pass all kinds of comments about babies appearance or give unsolicited advice.... learn early to ignore!
Congratulations and be proud of your bump!!!! X

Thank you all! You’ve already made me feel so much better.

I was i could say something in response but im often so taken aback at the abruptness / ignorance of people to think it’s ok to freely comment on someone’s size!

It’s very much out of my control anyway! I’m eating exactly how I used to now nausea has stopped. My weight gain has been very minimal (2lb) so much so I worried at one point (can’t win!).

I love my bump and will continue to embrace it. I know I’ll miss it when I no longer have it! X

Honestly people say all sorts of shit. I was told at work the other day that I looked 'much further along than what I am' and then literally the next day by someone else was told 'you look really small today'. I just ignore them, it's the randoms touching my stomach that I find cringe. I tend just to stare at them with a blank expression on my face until they stop and then walk off 🤣

I had twins and the comments I had were awful! Folk were saying “are you sure it’s not triplets?” People are idiots.

They are probably just making conversation OP. Pregnancy is exciting and people are interested.

Ha my old boss (I had moved to a different department) who didn't know I was pregnant told me I was getting fat and fortunately a colleague said 'that's what happens when six months pregnant'!
You can't win OP.

I hear you, they should be commenting on what a lovely bump you have, nevermind the size of it etc.

I'm 20/21 weeks and since 18 weeks, I've had comments such as "You're very big for xx weeks", I've literally stopped responding to their comment even in person, it gives them time to think about their comment and hopefully not say it again.

Like yourself, I'm so proud of my bump after recurrent miscarriages and love it so much ❤ Our bodies are amazing x

I do tend to agree with this. Twas ever thus! Funny enough the women I know well have always been excited to discuss their bump/baby.
Wouldn't dream of commenting on a stranger's bump, though. And at work it's more likely to be 'how exciting' and take my cue from my colleague if she wants to chat about it or not.
I've become aware since being on MN that many people see friendly conversation and questions as intrusive or irritating small talk so I proceed with caution now.

I think they are commenting on the size of baby and how far along you are, getting excited etc, not saying you are fat.

It is just meaningless pregnancy chit-chat.

Ah it’s just what people say, just making conversation. I’m sure people don’t mean to be rude.

Irritating as hell yes but just ignore and enjoy. A nod and blank face and change the subject!

it’ll be the same when baby is here but about the baby instead- ooh isn’t she big, isn’t she small, she’s going to be tall, doesn’t she look like X etc etc. It gets boring actually but you can’t control what people say, only your reaction to it💐

I've had four babies and the first three were pretty big, one was 11lb so I was pretty used to people saying how big my bump was, never really bothered me as I knew i was massive. However baby number 4 was a little smaller and the amount of people that used to comment on how 'neat' I was and that I was tiny etc etc used to drive me mad and made me so so anxious that there was going to be problems with the baby, that they were too small. I wish people would just not comment on the size of bumps. Drives me mad.

I was pregnant while in a foreign country and i didn’t know anyone and I didn’t have a job. Nobody put their hands on my stomach, noticed how big or small my belly was or made any comment about my pregnancy at all. It was kind of sad to be honest. It’s one think to get annoyed at the types of pregnancy comments you get but it’s equally disappointing to get no comments at all.

I’m 26 weeks and so far I’ve had:

Are you sure there’s only one in there?
You’re much bigger than I was at that point.
You look like you’ve swallowed a beach ball.
Ooooh, aren’t you getting big?

People just can’t learn when to shut their big fat mouths. It’s quite funny since I actually
weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy, and I’ve only put on about 1KG so far.

I’ve just learned to embrace my bump, and I’m actually more confident now, than I ever was, pre-pregnancy.

Thank you all!

whilst I agree it’s likely conversation, I think a more polite opener would be to ask how I’m feeling / keeping, do I know the gender, am i going to find out etc etc. Many many other Qs can be asked to start a conversation than a judgemental comment on size

I do think it’s mostly just people making conversation. I’ve had comments both that I’m big and small! I’m 33 weeks now. I just ignore. Unfortunately pregnancy and parenthood is a lot of comments / opinions so I think best just to get a thick skins ans brush it off. It really doesn’t matter. And don’t weigh yourself! I’ve no idea what weight I am now.

The director of HR at my company said "I hope you don't mind me saying, but you're very big for 10 more weeks to go" cheers mate.

You'd think he would know better...

Oh I hated this. I got really dickish with people towards the end of my pregnancy because of course I know it's a fecking big bump, I'm the one carrying it around with me.

We know it's rude to comment on people's bodies, I'm genuinely not sure why pregnancy suddenly makes it an acceptable topic of small talk.

My favourite was when people used to say it when they didn't even know my due date. Like, how would you even know? In any case, I measured bang average throughout. They are clueless.

I think some times expectations can be a bit off. I had my daughter in 2020 so saw very few people but we met friends for a socially distanced walk around 35 weeks and they thought my bump was huge but it only measured on the 10th percentile so I knew categorical it wasn't big.

Also people like something to say and thing a pregnant body is free for comment. I was at a family function last year, not pregnant just bloated as I was due on my period and a cousin thought it was appropriate to put her hand of my stomach and ask if number 2 was on the way. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I called her out on it a few minutes later when an elder relative made some comment about being slender but eating a plate of chips (only food available at the function). A pregnant body is not free reign for any comments and it's completely ok to call people out on their comments!