Partner of 5 years leaving me if I don’t have abortion

[Devonmum12]

we’re both 28, been together >4 years and have a house and pets together. He knew I wasn’t on contraception for the past year and I asked him to use a condom if he wanted to prevent pregnancy but I was happy either way and he never used a condom. I told him I was pregnant 3 weeks ago & I’m now 6w 4d. he said he didn’t want a baby but stayed, it’s been a weird few weeks I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells and yesterday he left me saying I was selfish for not having an abortion and he was leaving me. I’m absolutely terrified but I know I will be an amazing mum. Has anyone else gone through this journey on their own? I feel so alone.

Let him go. You'll be a fantastic mum. You don't need him at all. I can't believe he didn't want to use condoms, but prefers killing the baby as a contraceptive method?! I hate him already.

@Devonmum12 surely you had more in depth discussion than ‘what’s meant to be will be’.

All of which is irrelevant now. He's made his feeling clear, now you have to decide if you want to be a single mum. At least he's shown his true colours now when you still have choices.

Do what you wish, but be aware that if you have the baby you'll have this man in your life for ever. Perhaps he won't want to be involved on a regular basis, perhaps he'll be reasonable — but he'll have to pay financially to support his child and he can expect to have some access and be in a position to make your life (and your child's life) complicated and difficult if he wants. Are you prepared to deal with that for the next 16+ years?

@Devonmum12 you can do that.
Yes it will be hard but as you says, you have a great support system around you.

Now you need to be practical.
You bought a house. Is it in both names or just yours? Can you afford the mortgage on your own?
Then, you’ll have to see how he is reacting. Is he willing to be a father to your baby or is he running away and being extremely hard work? This will guide you as to what to do re contact between the baby and your ex.
What I would do though is to keep photos of him for the baby. They might never have contact with him but being able to see who he is might be helpful to them (much much later on!!)

I had a baby completely on my own and of course it’s hard but it’s definitely doable.

Its much easier when you know you are doing it alone, instead of him pretending that he’s going to be involved and then leaving you once it’s born.

As a PP said, he could just as easily dump you after you’ve had an abortion so you just need to do what’s best for you.

My advice would be to not let him mess you around.
Chances are he’s going to have no where to live or get horny and start saying he wants to be involved - it’s likely he’s lying and will drop you again.

The relationship is over regardless of your choice.

If you have an abortion you will resent your partner forever. Your relationship won't survive.

If you have your baby he might leave or he might stay. However, after how he's behaved you may well not want him to be involved with raising your baby.

What do you want?
You can raise a baby by yourself. Many women do.

Base your decision on what you want, not on what your current partner says.

It is disappointing that you won't have the future you envisaged.

I would be asking him to leave today. I would not engage any further with him and he can move out. There is no way I would be blackmailed into a termination I didn't want, and given your circumstances with the right childcare in place you will be just fine op. You can do this.

He has just revealed the person he is, at least you didn't waste twenty precious years finding this out. Cut your losses.

SO i think no matter what you decide re baby, this relationship is over really isnt it? He made his choices when he had sex with you AND didn't wrap it up, now he is putting you in this situation. 5 years is a good amount of time, your not married and he doesn't want to have a baby with you... It sounds like the end personally.

I would also never be with a man who gave me that ultimatum when he knew fully well that i could get pregnant at any moment as i wasn't on contraception.

I've been through this and was sold a story about how we'd try again in future and the wonderful future we'd have. He left after the abortion

Don't let yourself be manipulated. The relationship probably won't recover but if you've good support around you, you can do this alone. A baby is a far greater possibility of happiness than the selfish person you're with now

You both knew the risk but done it anyway your both the blame.
He would be leaving asap now hes shown who he really is.
You can raise a child by your self but for the rest of you and your childs life you will always have that awful man in it some how.
Its not just 18 years its life.

Sorry op but i know what id be doing.

It’s sounds like you are in a good position in life to do this alone with your job and own home.

id take several actions in preparation for solo parenting

ensure you are insured to the hilt should you become unwell or lose your job

buy everything second hand, there is no need for new

line up your will age if helpers and take NCT classes to find local people who will have a baby at a similar time to widen your support network

don’t put the fathers name on the birth certificate - if he’s walking out you do t want go have to need his permission for holidays etc in the future

give the child your surname

don't contact your ex further. He walked away. That would be the end for me with no further contact

So many children brought into shit relationships with no thought about them

One thing I've learned lately is, you never really know someone.
I'm sorry he has acted like this, let him go. I wouldn't trust him around a screaming baby.
You can do this girl, you got this 💪
Women are built stronger.

His loss 💕

He is not the man you thought he was op, he was willing to get you pregnant (not use contraceptive) as he was willing for you to abort it to 'solve the issue', no care about your emotional or physical well-being.

I would take control of the situation and finish with him first saying you've assessed the situation and don't think he will be a good co parenting partner after all and keep the baby.

What an absolute selfish bell end he is

Relationships these days are mostly shit! People stop having children then the world ends....perfectly fine to be a single parent!

People need to have a bit more thought though before having a child, not just being reckless with contraception

This has to be entirely about you and the baby and your feelings there.

Do you want the baby? If so, he doesn’t come into it, he had fair warning and you are not children.

If you make this about him, how will you feel if he ups and leaves after the abortion anyway?

If you want the baby even in the event he doesn’t stick around, you have your answer.

This, what a piece of shit.

This piece of shit is the child’s father if OP goes ahead with the pregnancy. Children have the right to know their dad, even if the dad is shit.