Just had my 20week scan and I'm gutted!

[OFSTEDoutstanding]

I couldn't get told the sex of the baby because it wouldn't roll over!!
I know that all that matters is that the baby is born healthy but for practical reasons I wanted to find out. I have loads of old clotyhes from ds which I can either sell or use again also I want to know for decorating the nursery and getting ds prepared for his brother or sister.
Anyone know how I can get another scan I have been told I wont need another one but really want to find out!

Enjoy your gender scan OFSTED and don't listen to the bullies! I'm enjoying telling my daughter she's going to have a baby brother (like baby X and Y we know, etc) and I feel it helps her to grasp it. It astounds me why people think it's any of their business to try to persuade you not to find out your own child's sex. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone they HAD to find out so why is it OK vice-versa?

I was really lucky with my 20 wk scan for DD, the sonographer was really kind and sent me out for chocolate so the baby would move for a better photo, and she was adamant she had the gender right. That was at the local community hospital. For DS I was at the big city teaching hospital and they treated DH and I as if we were irrelevant to the whole proceeding and only begrudgingly said she thought prolly a boy. So it is hit and miss, I would get your gender scan if you can afford it. I wanted to know as much about my babies as possible, and I don't see anything wrong in that.

bullies thats nice slinky - I wouldn't bandy words like that around here if I were you, this is the mumsnet philosophy cut and pasted especially for you:

"This is a discussion forum and we ask you to respect other people's right to their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Our policy is to keep intervention to a minimum and let the conversation flow. Having said that, we will remove postings that are obscene, contain personal attacks or break the law."

hopefully most people on here are happy to see both sides of an argument

I can see both sides quite easily FYIAD - it's not me who's called other points of view "rubbish" and "pointless". I've said throughout it's personal choice, what's right for one mother-to-be is not for another!

I didnt call you rubbish though

• there is a difference!

I didn't mean anyone in particular - I felt some of the language below was needlessly critical of OP's decision to get scanned to find out. I feel strongly it's entirely her decision and nobody else's. Tis all.

I have 3 children.

DH and I discussed lots and lots before scans as to whether to find out the sex or not. We decided not too.

I loved my baby from the second I saw the positive test and didn't need to know the sex for bonding, clothes shopping (bought everything to wear in white and bedding was unisex too) or the decorating of the nursery (we did red and yellow for when they moved in.)

At my 20 week scan with number 3 we made a snap decision to find out, as it was looking like they were going to be an Additional Needs child, and tbh when I was told he was a boy I was so happy as I secretly wanted another boy, and I could feel more protective of him. The problem was less likely in males too so that helped from that point of view but I was having the baby anyway and didn't mind whether he was fine or not tbh. We wouldn't have found out the sex if the scan hadn't flagged up problems.

Oops, went on a bit there. Sorry.

C'mon slinki and fyiad, misunderstanding, shake hands please and let this be a thread where we all can express our opinion and let the OP get from it what she needs.

Just to throw a bit more in the mix- I just had my dating scan and the sonographer said 'when you come back at 20 weeks, we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl for you'! So it really is the luck of the draw.

As one who wanted to know as soon as possible the gender of both my babies, I TOTALLY agree that knowing ahead of time has no impact on my future relationship with anybody, let alone my children! But that is just the point, for both of my pregnancies I have never felt more completely "Now", I am totally focussed on what is going on inside me, thinking about things day to day, enjoying my pregnancy even when it involves PGD and insomnia, because I am making a little person, I am a woman, I am changing, I am prob never going to have any more, etc etc. Therefore it is NOT POINTLESS for me to know the sex of my children ahead of time, if it happens that on the day of the scan it is possible to tell. I was lucky to see the bits, I guess. I definitely wouldn't have wasted any of my future "cappacino and croissant" funds on a private scan just to tell me the sex, that really would be pointless, unless I was a genetic carrier of some condition which meant I had to prepare myself to have handed on to a boy....

So, lets's just say, if you want to know, it's good to find out, and if you don't want to know, it's good to not find out. It is not good to say to anyone "Find out!" or "Don't find out!" if it makes them feel they are being bossed about. My dad doesn't want to know the sex of my baby this time, and so I haven't told him, but I am happy telling other people, as it is part of what I am thinking about.

Great post, wooly- I feel exactly the same as you. Have to say,my MIL was the only one who didn't want to know and spent the whole of my last pg telling everyone she was sure I was having a boy, when we all knew it was a girl. It was really hard not to let slip.

Find out or don't find out it's up to you ... but bear in mind they can sometimes get it wrong

A number of hospitals no longer tell you as a matter of policy the gender of your baby based on a 20 week scan.

When I was pregnant with dd1 - at the 20 week scan we were told she had a very serious and life limiting, possibly fatal in childhood heart defect - kinda made the gender irrelevant at the time. After further fetal cardiac scans - they had the type of heart defect wrong - still very serious but not fatal if they have surgery - so again - the gender - not really important.

I think that was the thing at ST Mary's, it's a big city hospital and they are concerened about the whole gender bias thing, which is why they were not keen to say. I know it's an anomoly scan- and we all go hoping that is shows up nothing bad- it must have been awful for you. The gender to me is a trivial matter,but I just want to know things about my baby and the scan is an opportunity find some out. I was still completely blown away by what my babies looked like when they were born and you can't tell that from a scan.

hi just to let u all no that i went to babybond 3 weeks ago i was 16 weeks + 4 days, and that cost me 79pounds,and they have said we havin a girl, she cudnt c at first i had to go for a walk then she was wriggling my belly,the sonog) said we r havin a girl and i infact have got the pics to prove she is actually a girl i cud c for my self, goin for the normal nhs scan on 2may so will ask again then

"The right colour".

Baby clothes are baby clothes. All babies are vaguely the same shape. It won't make a boy baby's willy fall off if he's dressed in pink, and a girl baby won't grow a beard if she's put to bed in a blue babygro.

Oh, and here I am having fallen for a revived zombie thread. The baby in question may well be sporting a beard by now. Will report myself!

Just reported as well