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Original poster

Just had my 20week scan and I'm gutted!

70 replies

OFSTEDoutstanding · 14/04/2008 14:20

I couldn't get told the sex of the baby because it wouldn't roll over!!
I know that all that matters is that the baby is born healthy but for practical reasons I wanted to find out. I have loads of old clotyhes from ds which I can either sell or use again also I want to know for decorating the nursery and getting ds prepared for his brother or sister.
Anyone know how I can get another scan I have been told I wont need another one but really want to find out!

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FYIAD · 15/04/2008 10:36

tis a load of rubbish about bonding

ChutneyMary · 15/04/2008 10:40

I found it much easier to bond with DD1 once we knew she was a DD as I thought of her as a girl rather than just a baby. I agree that you don't NEED to know but if you want to and it can be ascertained, what's the harm?

I think too the potential for error depends on the skill of the person doing the scan. In both my pgs, they were able to show me the labia (indeed the first sonographer got very excited and kept saying "oooh, there are the labia, can you see the lips of labia?" over and over again, and it ain't a word I feel wholly comfortable with ) but I know of friends who have been told girl as they haven't seen a willy/balls etc. Can be a bit dodgy that way as the bits may just be out of the way.

Nothing turns on it for most people (unless you have a genetic disorder affecting only 1 sex I suppose) but agree that it's worth the £££ for a private scan if you really want to know.

ChutneyMary · 15/04/2008 10:41

FYIAD, we'll have to disagree about the bonding then

ChutneyMary · 15/04/2008 10:41

FYIAD, we'll have to disagree about the bonding then

FYIAD · 15/04/2008 10:46

yes

I had no problems bonding with mine when they were born so didnt see any need to find out beforehand.

Woollymummy · 15/04/2008 10:47

no it's not rubbish about bonding. I wanted to know this time round, I cannot think of a person without thinking about whether they are a boy or girl, man or woman, it is part of them. I have bonded more with this baby since I found out he is a he, I talk about him to my DD, she talks about him to me, we read stories like He-Bear She Bear together and it all makes more sense with a gender in our heads than without. If you can honestly say you can think of a person and concentrate on them, wonder how they are, talk to them and dream about them without thinking at all about their gender, then you are totally different to me. I like to know who I am talking to, and I am really glad I found out the sex of my baby. The only drawback is that I am now confronted with the truth that boys' names can be trickier to think of than girls' names

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 15/04/2008 10:50

I know someone in Stowmarket (Suffolk) if that is any help?

If so, post your email address and I'll email you the details.

MrsClinton · 15/04/2008 10:51

the 20 week scan is an anomaly scan ie to see if there are problems with your baby.

finding out the sex is a bonus (although my hospital would not tell you) and tbh i think you should pay if you really want to know.

popsycal · 15/04/2008 10:52

My 20 week scan is in a few weeks. I really don't particularly want to know whereas dh does. I can't think of a really strong argument for knowing tbh. We didnt find out with the other two and I am not especially bothered to know this time.

I don't agree about the bonding thing either. I bonded perfectly well with my other two.

FYIAD · 15/04/2008 10:55

yes I am sure maybe you do bond

but does that really matter? of course it doesnt

show me a mum who didnt find out iwth one and found out with another and I'll bet she doesnt love one more than another

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 15/04/2008 10:58

People have many reasons for finding out the sex of their baby. Don't be so harsh.

slinkiemalinki · 15/04/2008 10:59

I don't see how anyone can possibly disagree with the statement that some people find it helps them to bond more with their baby once they know the sex. Just because you may not have felt the need to know, and it did not affect your own bonding process, has absolutely no bearing on another person's experience. Some like to know; some don't. I can see both sides but a minority of people are quite judgmental of people wanting to find out beforehand, when really it's nobody's business but the parents of the child. What's tough is when one parent wants to know beforehand and the other doesn't! But I agree it's an anomaly scan but some sonographers are definitely willing to try harder to find out the sex than others. If you are seeing one who can't really be bothered, it is a bit unfair as many of them will try very hard to find out for you.

MrsClinton · 15/04/2008 11:01

harsh?

FYIAD · 15/04/2008 11:04

but it doesnt have ANY bearing on your future relationship with your child (genetic problems excluded of course)

dont you see?

so therefore is really quite pointless

FYIAD · 15/04/2008 11:05

mrsclinton is right - it is a scan to discover problems

not to let you know what colour to paint the nursery

MrsClinton · 15/04/2008 11:06

it's only another 20 weeks before you can go wild on ebay, isn't it?

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 15/04/2008 11:09

I lost my 15mo ds last year and am pg again. I feel that to get my head round this pregnancy I need to know the sex of the baby in advance. It's almost like I need to mentally prepare myself if I'm having another boy.

I agree you can not expect to find out at an anomaly scan, it's a bonus if you find out. You should be prepared to pay to find out.

madmouse · 15/04/2008 11:17

It helped me to know the sex as I strongly felt I was having a boy. I knitted a white blue green blanket even before the scan. If it had been an equally welcome girl I wanted to start treating her as such. But Nathan was indeed a Nathan . Different people different reasons. Was lucky that he showed his bits.

Due to complications will have so many scans in next preg that I will no doubt find out at some point

lollipopmother · 15/04/2008 11:17

I have my 20 week scan on Friday, I'm looking forward to knowing the sex, but we've already chosen the nursery theme (Zeddy and Parsnip!!) and it happens to be neutral colours anyway so it has no baring on that. I wouldn't be gutted if I didn't find out though, it's only another 20 weeks and then there will be no more waiting.

madmouse · 15/04/2008 11:19

move it, i think you are entitled to anything you need to help you deal with that . glad you are preg again

lollipopmother · 15/04/2008 11:21

Oh, and we've already bonded with the baby, her/his name is currently Avocado!

slinkiemalinki · 15/04/2008 11:27

Why is it pointless if it helps someone to enjoy the second half of her pregnancy more, feel closer to her child during that time, and get prepared for the child's arrival in a way that she chooses and brings her enjoyment?

Original poster
OFSTEDoutstanding · 15/04/2008 11:33

lm mine is called bean! Thanks everyone for your messages have booked to go with babybond this Saturday at the bonkers for babies show in Peterborough, Only getting a gender scan and really think it will help ds to bond with his new brother or sister. Me and dh are excited whatever the outcome and very pleased to know that no problems showed on the anomally scan, however I feel I owe it to ds to prepare him properly for the new arrival. I remeber when my sisterwas born noone prepared me I was 4 they just came home from hospital with her and we have never got on really worried that ds will not bond with the new baby

OP posts:
buzzzybee · 15/04/2008 11:33

Hiya,ive had 4 scans (2 growth scans) and i still don't know.Grrr! I really wanted to know,obviously the health is more important but i thought i had two extra chances of knowing but the women just could'nt be bothererd and told me i wasn't there 4that which i found very harsh as she said this on my 20week scan. I asked when i knew every thing was fine with baby 1st. I had my last scan yesterday,i'm due in 2 weeks anyway sooo can't wait! I'm happy either way but would love another grl,also she said she couldnt see any boy bits so of course in my mind its a grl,ha. Gud luck 2 every1 x

MrsClinton · 15/04/2008 13:00

ofsted, you won't be "just coming home with a baby" whether you know the sex or not. you sound like you're preparing your son for his sister/brother - you don't necessarily need to know the sex though, surely?