Pregnant at 42 and don’t think I really want to be tbh

[MalibuAndPineapple82]

As the title says really. I found out I was pregnant back in February, completely unplanned and don’t know how we’ve managed to have an accident at this age! DH and I already have 3 kids together, 9, 11, and our eldest is 22! The only option for us personally as a couple was to go ahead and have the baby, and initially I wasn’t displeased about it, I was shocked but not really dreading the idea.
But the nearer it gets I just don’t know if I can do the baby stage all over again and raise someone else from scratch. We didn’t share the news with anyone until 20 weeks, I’ve still got 2 months to go but I already feel huge and so uncomfortable, my back’s killing me, I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore but then that means there’ll be a newborn in the house to deal with again. I’m just too old for this!

I understand. I’d be shocked too! It’ll be ok though, once baby comes.

Well you are where you are, and I dare say it will be fine. You didn’t want to discontinue the pregnancy so I am sure it will all work out when the baby arrives.

Do you mean you had a contraception failure? I fell pregnant at 42 but that was 4 months after husband's vasectomy and still taking the pill 100% correctly. I had 3 kids already - 3, 13 and 16. Ended up being an ectopic but, being perfectly honest, I'm not sure we'd have kept the baby. Mostly as we can't afford any bigger than a 3-bed which we are in now. But then again, my husband only has one bio child so I can't say for sure we'd have terminated.
I appreciate it's too late for that - you made the choice to have the baby - but feeling worried about the future is of course totally natural. I'm sure you'll be OK.

My Dad has a similar age gap with his youngest brother around 21 years. My sister is only 7 years younger then him. Although he and my dad never lived together he's the siblings who most resembles my Dad and they have always got on really well and it's lovely to see how well they do get on together even now.

I know it's harder when you are older and you're weren't expecting it. My grandma thought she was past being able to have children 😕. But I'm sure you will all manage and you'll grow to love your new baby.

I hope you'll surprise yourself. There's no going back. But so much to look forward to.

Hi,
I had this too. Thought it was menopause 😳 nope, baby at 44! We weren’t sure about it either but… 3 years on and she is the light of our lives. Her teenage brothers adore her, the whole experience was actually very easy. I did ask for a c-section though (two prev inductions) and it was the best thing ever. The consultant had no problems with it at all and it was the quickest recovery of all my births. As we are so much older, we were just so much more relaxed about it all. Breastfed till 3 😳and still co-sleeping. The funniest thing was all my friends’ reactions. They have been amazing. Since we all have kids that are pre-teens/teens, she has many many honorary aunties lol. Very best wishes to you, good luck with the heat x

I really hope I surprise myself too!
Yes we’ve had a contraception failure. Our eldest thinks it’s gross that we’re still having sex but is actually quite pleased about the baby and the two younger ones are just really excited.
I think because this was so unplanned the normal pregnancy issues that would normally be “worth it” are just getting to me now. I’m quite petite with narrow hips so I always get big during pregnancy and I’m just sick of people in the street saying I must be almost due etc and not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in and everything else. I’m just a miserable bitch!

Aaah OP give yourself a break! You’re allowed to be a miserable bitch, just for a bit 🤣
Do you know what you’re having? Have the kids waded in with name suggestions?

@MrsKwazi thanks for sharing your story, really appreciate it. It all sounds very familiar, I don’t think a single one of my friends believed me until they physically saw the bump. We don’t know what we’re having, we kept all our others a surprise so we’re sticking with that. The kids have put forward many suggestions, some questionable and some just outright ridiculous so I don’t think we’ll be going with any of them. 9 year old has got really into Doctor Who and has suggested Sunday after Ruby Sunday, or Sundae to make it more interesting. I asked why not just Ruby and he told me that was boring.

Next time, use a condom.

There's always one! OP said contraception failed why don't you read.

Yep a condom was involved and I also had the implant. DH has offered to have a vasectomy now! He had testicular cancer a few years ago and actually had one removed, but the other is obviously still working perfectly well 🤦🏻‍♀️
It’s already 27 degrees here and I want to kill everyone! Sent this to DH this morning and told him I hated him.
Thanks for the thread ladies, really did give me a bit of a boost last night. I’m still a bad tempered old bitch but this baby is already very loved, even if I’m not showing it in this heat!

All I have to say is….what a beautiful bump! 😍 everything will be ok @MalibuAndPineapple82 my aunt had pretty much the exact same scenario and all I can say is that the baby (who is no late 20’s!) was a blessing in disguise, she glued them all together in ways they didn’t know they needed it.

I had both mine in my 40s, the first during a horrendous heatwave so you must really be suffering now!
Hopefully the enthusiasm of your kids will mean they will help out a bit. And tell your eldest that you plan on having sex til they put you in the grave, whether they like it or not!

We're off to a festival shortly with our unexpected baby I had at 42. He's 12 now, an absolute delight and keeps us young. ❤️

It's hot and you're big and tired. Tell DH to spoil you a bit more. Sit down, get your feet up and ask older DC to help out. You'll feel better once your baby arrives. 💐

Good god you're so allowed to feel like this! Both my pregnancies were very planned and wanted, it actually took us quite a while to get pregnant so we were over the moon but f**k pregnancy is hard and many many times I questioned if I wanted the baby!
I get it must be such a thought/worry to go back to the new born stage now your other children are older but I think it will be lovely having the older ones around to help out, that babba will be so loved

Hey OP, not quite the same but I had our last baby a few months before I turned 40. She is 2 now and I don't feel too old; in fact, it all feels very natural to have a little one. I suppose my other kids are still quite young so I wasn't quite out of the woods, but it has just been great and I certainly don't feel like I'm in my 40s!

I had my first child in the Middle East and the temperatures were 40+. I used the Body Shop cooling mint foot spray which was bliss, but don't if the body shop even exists any more! I would also have a lukewarm bath every day and that helped a lot.

Fwiw, I had a freak out around 7 months with all of my kids. I think it's just seems so much more real! But you will be fine! Think of all of those newborn snuggles!

Not quite the same as ours was planned, but I had my second at 41, seven years after DD1 and remember thinking in the newborn days that I was too old for this, and feeling a bit panicked for the future, she's about to turn 2, and it's been hard work to some degree but I wouldn't change a thing.

You've got a wealth of parenting experience! Not to mention older kids who can hold the baby, feed and play with him or her.

I understand your reservations as a newborn isn't easy so share your worries with your support network. Hopefully they'll rally round!

Oh I can totally sympathise with you!

Pregnancy was hard when I had my first at 20 and planned, but I'm now 42 and almost 26 weeks with a very unexpected surprise, it all feels a lot harder.

My others are aged from 22 to 11. I thought my baby days were well and truly behind me. I know it will be all worth it and we will have these wonderful tiny people we will love and adore and wonder how we ever lived without them but right now it's all a bit daunting.
I too am big, fed up, everything hurts, can't sleep and bloody hot. Feel free to rant away!

On the plus side we now have older doting siblings to help out 😆

I'm 29 weeks with a very planned and wanted baby and there are days where I'm absolutely fucking done with pregnancy. It's really miserable some days and it's perfectly OK to feel that. I'm currently furious that my partner gets to do fuck all while I suffer. So just know you're not alone with these feelings!

There's 22 years between my oldest and youngest brother. I was 11 years older than youngest and was like second mum to him. You'd be surprised how helpful it can be having a big age gap.

Thanks a lot for all the messages guys, this is all really reassuring! Really appreciate the suggestions for keeping cool too!
@HotCrossBunnyInTheOven omg are you me?? Had my first at 20 although he was also unplanned (there’s a pattern here!) and I was pregnant within a few weeks of meeting DH. We made it through that so I’m sure we’ll survive again now we’re much older and wiser. Congratulations on your pregnancy, do you know what you’re having? Are your other kids pleased?

My oldest was 25, youngest was 6 when I had a ds at 43 2. He was planned but a shocker when it happened.. He was 5 weeks early and honestly brings so much joy to us all. Congratulations! It will be more than fine op.