Pregnant at 42 and don’t think I really want to be tbh

[MalibuAndPineapple82]

As the title says really. I found out I was pregnant back in February, completely unplanned and don’t know how we’ve managed to have an accident at this age! DH and I already have 3 kids together, 9, 11, and our eldest is 22! The only option for us personally as a couple was to go ahead and have the baby, and initially I wasn’t displeased about it, I was shocked but not really dreading the idea.
But the nearer it gets I just don’t know if I can do the baby stage all over again and raise someone else from scratch. We didn’t share the news with anyone until 20 weeks, I’ve still got 2 months to go but I already feel huge and so uncomfortable, my back’s killing me, I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore but then that means there’ll be a newborn in the house to deal with again. I’m just too old for this!

@MalibuAndPineapple82 congratulations to you too! 🎉

I'm having a girl, do you know or keeping it a surprise?!
My two girls, 17 & 14, are very excited and cannot wait for her to get here. The boys aren't really too fussed either way 😂 11 yr old is just glad he's not the youngest anymore but wanted another brother. Can't please them all!

Are yours excited for the new arrival?

This thread has given me a lot of hope ! I’m 42 and have been ttc #3 for 3 years ! I’m hoping it’s still possible and seeing all the posts of people a similar age to me I’m feeling much more hopeful

I am 35 and just had my 4th baby last Friday and I sympathise, I ended up getting a c-section with a sterilisation to ensure I couldn't get pregnant again 😅

I'm 42 and like you had a complete shock in January when that line come up! My kids are younger though, 9, 7 and 2.5 so it hasn't been as much of a lifestyle change. It's worked out lovely as the 2 eldest are boys and little legs is a girl - now expecting another girl. I won't be outnumbered anymore 😂 Amazingly so far this pregnancy has been more comfortable than the others. A, little backache and tiredness but I'm looking forward to giving up work now!

If you really don't want any more, vasectomy for hubby! That's what we did. Hubby has one bio child (our daughter).

Is your eldest still at home ? I'm sure they will be a help to you even just to take baby out for a walk for a few minutes during the day. Hopefully it won't be as bad as your expecting you poor thing it is a big adjustment and shock .

My neighbour had her youngest at 42. She said he was the best thing that ever happened to her and the loveliest of her children.
She was over 100 when she passed away and said having him that late in life kept her young (obviously before she passed away).

My nan was in your position. 45 and surprised to be expecting number 5. My dad has her eldest at 21.
He has always taken on a fatherly role with his sister, taking her out for the afternoon with his friends so my nan got a break. He then married my mum in his mid twenties and she had my sister who was 2 years older than his little sister. My auntie came along with us on days out as a hybrid auntie, cousin, sister so she still got to spend time with children her age.

She's in her 40s now and very close to 2 brothers and her sister. There's a family rift and my dad's brother 2 years younger than him don't speak.

I think it's normal to be fed up of pregnancy at this stage, especially in the heat.

That's not a reflection of how you'll feel about the baby once it's here or your age. Just that it's bloody uncomfortable.

I think like most things this is the worst time as it still feels ages. Just get through the next four weeks and then when it's suddenly 'this month' you go into the flurry of best do this/make the most of that before baby comes and the time disappears.

I'm 40 and 27 weeks pregnant. It was planned but unexpected as we'd been trying for 3 years and had started to accept it wasn't going to happen

I'm excited to meet DS but I've had a tough pregnancy with HG and I'm struggling in the heat. I'm also terrified at the thought of going back to having a baby. DS1 is almost 6 and pretty independent so it's going to be a real shock going back to that lack of freedom and sleepless nights but I know in the long run we won't regret it

I'm in a very similar situation, 42, 43 next month, with a nearly 18 year old daughter and 13 year old son. was on the pill but found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago. Have been so confused what to do, went for a scan on Tuesday thought I was about 14 weeks max, turns out I am 21 weeks !! I couldn't have a termination that late. My kids were very shocked but actually ok with it. I think I would be ok but my partner has very poor mental health and is not coping at all. This is really making me feel awful and so unbelievably trapped now.

I have a 17, 14 and 4 yo (all planned). 4 yo with second husband (his only bio child). We absolutely couldn't take the risk of any more - we would have had to terminate from a financial/housing pov despite both working - so hubby had snip.

I'm 42 and pregnant too. I also had the panic of what in Gods name are we going to do and I can tell many of my mum friends are thinking "why on earth would you go through that all again" as our children are all at the very easy almost teen age. But I look at for example our 2nd born and I can not imagine our life without him in it - like he MADE our life 1000% better. Then I think about this new human who is going to be a mystery and one day we will look at them and not imagine our lives without them. I also feel so incredibly lucky and have close people to me who have struggled with infertility their whole lives - who would kill to be in our position. Today was the first day I really felt like oh I really really actually want this baby - rather than worry and going through the motions.

I was 43 when my youngest was born, the next one up was 15 and step children were 26 and 29. It's been lovely. Granted its not easy and she's knows how to work us more than any of them did but it's automatic, it just happens when they're born. Yes it's tiring like all babies, the bigger ones are really keen on helping which is really nice and actually helpful. You'll be fine.
If you're having a wobble speak to the perinatal mental health midwife, you could well be just a bit overwhelmed evergreen if you don't raise it, which is perfectly understandable for anyone, and they can be really helpful. I think lots of us suddenly get a bit pacific stricken at this stage, regardless of our situation, so I think some extra support would really help.

This thread has been really uplifting, thanks for sharing such lovely stories. I’d actually forgotten how supportive Mumsnet can be sometimes (I was on here years ago but left a few years back when I thought the baby stage was long gone!).
@HotCrossBunnyInTheOven we’re keeping it as a surprise like we did with the others. All the kids are pretty excited to be honest yeah, there’s 12 years between my eldest and youngest so the eldest is already used to having a much younger sibling and was super helpful last time. I have boy, girl, boy, so I’d secretly quite like another girl just so DD can have a sister which I know she’d like. My eldest doesn’t care and my youngest changes his mind every week. Ultimately I really don’t care though, as long as baby is healthy.
@cucumberlolly wishing you lots of luck ❤️
@LizzeyBenett yep eldest is still at home and has actually offered to move out to make room which I really don’t want because I’d hate him to feel pushed out of his home. Obviously I’m biased but he is so lovely so I’m confident he’s going to be a great support.
@Sab1981 I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling, I know it really is a lot to get your head around. Message if you ever fancy a chat.
I’ve had a good chat with DH today which has helped a lot, plus the weather has cooled down a bit so I’m feeling a little less murderous! Hang in there fellow pregnant ladies! One day at a time.

This reminds me of being heavily pregnant in a heatwave and a random French lady coming up to me and saying in her lovely accent 'COURAGE!' Very motivational and sweet!

I had a v much wanted one at 41 and I still couldn't wait to not be bloody pregnant. You have all my sympathies.

I will predict, based on my last one, that this child will be fully mad.