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Original poster

WWYD - wedding 2 days before Due Date

46 replies

looneytune · 10/04/2008 23:53

My baby is due in about 10 weeks and I've tonight been informed that someone is getting married 2 days before I'm due. They live 2/3 hours away from ours and I personally don't feel comfortable about being away so close to my due date. I'm hoping for a home birth so really want to be near home when the time is near.

WWYD in this situation? I feel we're expected to go and even dh didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to go. AIBU to want to be closer to home at this time?

Off to bed shortly so will probably check back tomorrow.

TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PortAndLemon · 10/04/2008 23:58

I'd probably do it for an immediate family member (e.g. sibling of mine or DH's). Wouldn't do it for a friend or more distant relation.

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 00:05

This is the sister of an ex of dh's. Him and his ex were together for 8 yrs but finished about 15-20 yrs ago (I forget now). Because they were together a long time, her family became like family and we all get on well. It's just that they've only just got engaged and now suddenly the wedding is 2 days before EDD (well, day of my original due date) and I personally feel it's a bit much to expect me to go at that time. My parents who live 4 hours away from us are coming to stay in the area from a week before my due date, for about 2 weeks, in the hope they will be around when I do actually go into labour (to help with ds and whatever else).

Anyway, I feel uncomfortable enough now with 10 weeks to go, I really don't think I'll be up to a 2/3 hour car journey each way when I'm pretty much term. So why do I feel bad even suggesting I'd prefer to stay at home?

OP posts:

poncho · 11/04/2008 00:05

I would say definitely not regardless of you wanting to have a home birth. That length of travel then would not be physically comfortable nevermind anything else!

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 00:06

That's how I feel too - the thought of the journey alone is enough to put me off!!!

OP posts:

KristinaM · 11/04/2008 00:06

how fast was your last labour?remember only 5% of babies are born on their due date

Would you be travelling by car to the wedding?

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 00:09

KristinaM - last labour was long but tbh, doens't stop me thinking 'what if'. Anyway, IF I went into labour slightly early i.e. day before or whatever, it doesn't matter how long I laboured for, I just would no way want to be in labour on my journey home!! Just want to make sure I'm not being selfish for prefering to be at home or at least local to home.

OP posts:

slinkiemalinki · 11/04/2008 00:18

Hehe read this and thought for some bizarre reason you meant your own wedding. But no, I wouldn't go. A friend is getting married 2h from my hospital when I am 36 weeks and this is my personal limit although I am a fast one! Like PortandLemon says, maybe for someone very close family, but sister of an ex doesn't make the cut for me! Some friends of ours declined our wedding invitation as it was on her due date and that was only 15-20 minutes away. In the event they turned up for a drink, but I totally understood why she didn't want to commit to a whole day (and that was before I was a mum).

largeglassofred · 11/04/2008 00:22

I wouldn't risk it,
anyway if you did go you'll spend the day being asked 'ooh not long to go' 'any twinges?' etc etc

bighug · 11/04/2008 00:43

I would say perfectly reasonable to say no. You can't commit anyway -you might have a day old baby by then, or be in labour. Best they know now that you can't be there and then they can plan for that and perhaps use your place for someone else on their reserve list.

slim22 · 11/04/2008 00:56

I would not commit and neither would DH.

Nothing to feel bad about.

Maybe DH could go but would have to make the decision on the spot? They can not possibly expect you to RSVP with certainty?

madamez · 11/04/2008 00:59

I wouldn't go. I started refusing distant invitations for about a month before I was officially due, though I did go to a mega party on my due date as the midwife's advice had been 'go if you want to and you feel well, but take your labour notes with you just in case'.
Say nicely to the people that you can't commit to going - if it's a formal meal, then say to count you out, if it's a buffet-type thing say you'll go if you can and then do whatever you feel best about doing. There's every chance you could go into labour the night before or indeed 5 minutes before you are due to set off, so it's totally impractical and unreasonable to expect you to go anywhere. Given that only 5% of babies arrive on their due date and most arrive within a two-week window of the date, it's not advisable to plan anything as though your due date was definite.

KristinaM · 11/04/2008 01:00

sorry i thought for some reason that you wanted to go but werent sure it was safe. must read more carefully

sounds like you don't really want to go so dont. being extremely pg is the perfect excuse

if your Dh wants to go , send him and your 5yo. put your feet up sleep / watch tv all day. in between getting up to pee of course. on no account get left alone with Ds all day

if your Dh is being difficult, tell him you asked the dr/ midwife and they said it wasn't a good idea because of your back / blood pressure/piles/whatever

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/04/2008 07:26

A family member or close friend wouldn't expect you to go. YANBU at all. If you go into labour will you drive the 3 hrs home in labour???

You are about to give birth and you need to be comfortable. DH needs to understand that.

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 08:18

Thanks everyone. Right, I'm sticking by my guns and not going to go. I'll only feel on edge if I go (well, if haven't had it early or anything). I'm only having 2 weeks off work before the baby is due and my job is full of lifting/rushing around (childminder) so I really want to have those 2 weeks to relax as much as possible and now I know IANBU to stay at home, that's what's going to happen

Now I just have to ask dh what he wants to do. I agree, he should take ds with him, not sure how he'll feel about it but I'll just say that's how it's got to be. TBH, I'd much rather he was nearby as IF I did go into labour and he was that far away, having been drinking etc. and unable to get home (as sure he'd intend to stay down there), I'd be gutted to say the least. But, can't make him stay at home so will just leave him to decide.

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MrsTittleMouse · 11/04/2008 08:21

I think that's a great decision. I was so uncomfortable anyway at 39 weeks that I would have found it exhausting going to a wedding that was 30 minutes away, let alone 2/3 hours. And that's not counting the risk if you go into labour, especially considering that second labours tend to be relatively fast.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/04/2008 08:23

I was going to say, DH should not be 2-3 hrs away either! If you go into labour you will need him near you, if only for making tea/running bath duties. I wouldn't risk him being so far away.

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 08:32

Can I please have more posts that say dh shouldn't be going either .

Seriously, although baby is currently breach and I MAY not get the home birth I want but, all being well, things will change and I will be able to give birth at home. Dh and I have things planned, a birthing pool etc. all sorted so if he's not here, I loose my birth partner and the person who should be filling the pool etc. PLUS....ds really wants to be here (like desperate to be here!!!). So it really upsets me to think that they might be away I KNOW that the baby may be late etc. but it's just doesn't sit well with me for them to be away so very very close to the due date. My original due date was in fact the day of this wedding but got changed at the dating scan which I was never sure about anyway.

Oh, I'm rambling now.....I just want him local, I can't stand the thought of him being in the west country so far away whilst I'm at home (the stress of worrying 'what if' would probably bring the labour on!! )

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/04/2008 08:45

You are preggers and you should get exactly what you want! ;-) (and I'm not even joking!)

MrsTittleMouse · 11/04/2008 08:48

If you don't want DH to go, then he shouldn't go. He should stay with you and make sure that you're OK. There is a strong possibility that you could go into labour. And he should suck it up if you don't go into labour and accept that it was more important that you were relaxed and calm when you were heavily pregnanct.

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 08:52

Thanks, keep it coming!!! lol. Seriously though, this is how I feel. If we were talking 2 weeks before then that's different but 2 fing days before, it scares the crp out of me the thought of him not being here!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 08:53

Maybe I'll offer him something in return if he doesn't go Anyway, from what I've read on here, THAT can actually bring on labour

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AHLH · 11/04/2008 08:54

My brother is getting married in Cornwall (I'm in Yorkshire) 2 weeks before my due date. I'm not going and he understands why. DH said that he would forbid me from going if I tried! Apart from being such a long journey (and I am told that I will need very frequent loo breaks) I don't want to be too far from my lovely hospital (that's not sarcasm). And my FIL would be so dissapointed if his new gchild wasn 't born in Yorkshire!

DH isn't going either, to be with me.

eleanorsmum · 11/04/2008 08:54

looney - i went to a wedding 4 weeks before dd was born - should have been 3 hours in car took 6 in the boling heat. kept having to get out in the traffic jam to walk about as was swelling up ankles etc. so NO DONT GO! as it was dd then appeared 3 weeks early the following weekend!

maybe you can compromise with dh. what times the wedding? maybe he can go to that and then bit of reception and come home same day. then he won't be drinking and if you go into labour then he can come home anyway!

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 08:57

Hello Ellie OMG, didn't think about the heat there could be!!! You poor thing, that sounds horrible for you! I've already got swollen ankles so the thought of that getting even worse....no thanks!!

As for dh going for a bit, THAT wouldn't bother me too much HOWEVER I know if he goes, he'll want to do the whole thing (all or nothing).

Think I need to chat through with dh when he's in the right mood.

OP posts:

elportodelgato · 11/04/2008 09:37

you definitely should not go and your dh also should not go IMO
my dh is going to a stag party an hour away from our home the day before my EDD but only on the condition that he is not staying the night, will not be drinking at all and will be constantly contactable and ready to dash home if I call him. I agree with Kat - you will want him on-hand to make tea, keep you hydrated, run the bath and generally look after you, not hours away and drunk at a wedding!

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