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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

WWYD - wedding 2 days before Due Date

46 replies

looneytune · 10/04/2008 23:53

My baby is due in about 10 weeks and I've tonight been informed that someone is getting married 2 days before I'm due. They live 2/3 hours away from ours and I personally don't feel comfortable about being away so close to my due date. I'm hoping for a home birth so really want to be near home when the time is near.

WWYD in this situation? I feel we're expected to go and even dh didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to go. AIBU to want to be closer to home at this time?

Off to bed shortly so will probably check back tomorrow.

TIA

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hanaflower · 11/04/2008 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Islamum · 11/04/2008 09:44

I think Dh should be near, an hour away is one thing, but 3 hours is a long time. IF he does go he should be sober and have mobile on at all times.. Hopefully you will have given birth already and he'll be with you on paternity leave! Good luck with it all

FourPlusOne · 11/04/2008 09:53

One of my best friends is getting married 3 days before my due date (in 13 wks). It is also about 2-3 hrs away, and I am not going. She understands and so do our (mutual) best friends.

Have said that I will join them on the hen do, which is going to be quite 'sedate' (ie, not involving nightclubs or worse!), just a meal I think, but will also only do that if it's before the 36/37 week mark. That is going to be 2/3 hours away also. Will prob be quite nice to go away from the children/domestic duties for a day before I have the baby.

If the wedding was local I would go if baby hadn't arrived but she understands that I can't travel at that time. My other 2 were on time and a day early so it would be v risky.

Would also be worried about stealing the limelight from the bride by having waters breaking dramatically in the middle of the ceremony!

Don't think that they or your DH should expect you to go.

Becky77 · 11/04/2008 09:55

I would definitely not go! I'd consider it for immediate family only but probably still wouldn't go if it was more than an hours drive from my hospital!

Goldiewithabump · 11/04/2008 09:57

Really interested in all your posts, I have been invited to a wedding 2 days before my EDD as well, about 1.5-2 hours from home and have said yes. 17 weeks with my first at the moment and figured there would always be a hospital near by if the worst was to happen????! Maybe will have a think about it. Thought it might be a nice adult day out before my new life as a mum started.....

scottishgran · 11/04/2008 10:00

I was due with first child on date of DH brother's wedding. That was in 1971. It was 4 hours away by train and we did not for one minute consider going, even if we could have gone by car. You need to be near home when your baby is due and your DH should be as well.

naturalblonde · 11/04/2008 10:03

My best friend is getting married 11 days before my due date, and I'm going, but it's only hour and a half away, dp and dd are coming, but we won't stay for the evening.

But in your situation looney, I wouldn't go. Far too close to due date, too far away and not even close friend or family.

MrsTittleMouse · 11/04/2008 10:04

GoldiewithaBump - you might well find that you feel differently in the third trimester. I became a real homebody and it was a big deal for me to travel at 36 weeks. At 39 weeks I was so tired that I just didn't want any faff in my life.

maxbear · 11/04/2008 10:21

I Would not go, as if baby was born there it would be a nightmare having a long car journey just after giving birth, having to stop to feed & change baby in some public loos. No thanks. Plus if you go in to labour your dh should definately be nearby.

maxbear · 11/04/2008 10:24

Something like 25% of people deliver before their due date so you never know you might already have a few days old baby by then. At least you could let your dh go if you were ok even if you didn't feel up to it.

flowerybeanbag · 11/04/2008 10:24

There's no way I would have gone - I was not interested in being in a car for longer than 30 mins towards the end of my pregnancy, it was SO uncomfortable by then.

Didn't want to be so far away from the hospital either - yes there are hospitals everywhere but you don't want to end up having your baby miles away from home if you can help it.

cazzybabs · 11/04/2008 10:29

I would go but then I don't get stressed about these kinds of things. And I think you would get enough niggles to know not to go or to go and be fine.

slim22 · 11/04/2008 11:18

You should tell DH that you feel stressed about him not being around /being able to make it on time if he goes and leave it to him to decide (BIIIIIIG pressure )

The sensible thing really if he did decide to go would leave options open and only decide on the day if nothing seems likely to happen.

I mean I would want to go but surely in the order of things the birth of YOUR child is an event that preceeds any other happy celebration isn't it?

PortAndLemon · 11/04/2008 11:27

Have just had seond baby, five and a half hours from first niggle to breastfeeding baby (even if I had leapt into the car at the first niggle, after a three hour drive I would have ripped off the gearstick and probably bludgeoned DH to death with it). And of the April 2008 due date group on MN several second/third time mothers have had labours shorter than mine (including several under two hours start to finish). So I'm not convinced on the "you would get enough niggles to know" front.

jammi · 11/04/2008 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 14:50

Thanks for all your messages, been busy with mindees but nap time so thought I'd catch up. Gosh, the stories of quick labour and early birth have made me realise I'm right to be cautious. No doubt staying at home will mean that baby will be late and labour not so quick etc. but no way am I prepared to risk that!!! Anyway, baby is currently breach so if stays that way, no way will I be pushing it out in a car!!

Now I just need to explain to dh that it's nothing controlling etc. but I'm genuinely scared of him not being here when the time comes. Somehow I need to tell him this without being totally honest (i.e. I'll never f*ing forgive him if he's not here because of it!!!)

Spoke to my mum earlier and she was like 'what, risk things for the 2nd wedding of the sister of an ex girlfriend!'. Made me laugh. I don't have a problem with the history etc. but it's not like it's immediate family or anything and this is REALLY important imo. My due date has been very clear for months yet this wedding date has only just been decided.

Oh I'm going off on one again. Think I'll go and make myself some lunch!

Thanks againm

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/04/2008 15:27

looneytune-

I'd be amazed and shocked if your DH doesn't get why you and he can't go. I can't understand why he thinks it's possible - but men can be thoughtless but if he doesn't get it after you explain it - what's his problem?

I don't mean to sound bitchy about your DP but I think it's really out of order, TBH.

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 18:53

Phew, he said he won't go. Think he realises he'd regret it forever IF he wasn't here when baby arrived (I know unlikely but these things are very unpredictable!). He did say it like 'well I won't go then, decisions been made for me' when I said it worried me but I reminded him it was totally up to him, I'm not going to be to blame BUT that things had to be thought through that's all. Anyway, got the result I wanted

OP posts:

staranise · 11/04/2008 19:14

Good for you. TBH I wouldn't even consider going or 'letting' my DH go, though my view is coloured by the fact that my DH nearly missed my DD1's birthday by attending his best friend's wedding (he was best man) abroad, arriving back the night before I went into labour. DD1 was early at 37 weeks so we were taken by surprise but I wouldn't risk it again (particularly for a non-family/best friend wedding).

Sounds liek your DH has come round anyway [wink}

staranise · 11/04/2008 19:15

Original poster

looneytune · 11/04/2008 20:00

You were lucky he got back then!! This is the thing that worries me, going into early labour. Last time I worked in an office and although I was suddenly signed off and made to go on maternity leave about 6 weeks before I had him, it was a lot less stressful than things are now. The childminding is getting harder and harder with the rushing to group/school runs, carrying babies upstairs for naps, bending for nappy changes etc. etc. and I'm only planning on having 2 weeks off before the due date. I worry that all this rushing around may set it off early this time and just feel much more comfortable with us both staying local when it's very near the due date.

Anyway, I got my own way thank god

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