C-section & ovarian cystectomy - PILs would like to visit same day?

[disse]

I’m just wondering about the best approach to managing expectations here.

I am booked in for a c-section on medical advice, plus a removal of an ovarian cyst at the same time. I’ve been told I’ll be first into theatre that morning.

PILs recently asked if they’ll be able to visit us on the same day. DH told them we’ll let them know, as it will depend on how I’m doing/feeling and how baby is doing as well.

However I would be interested from those who have done it before, when I may be likely to feel ready to receive visitors?

Both sets of parents live just over 90 mins’ drive away, if that affects anything.

Thank you!

I've had 2 (bad) sections both at 4pm but was able to cope with short visits from about 7pm.

I had an EMCS where we were in recovery for two days then an ELCS which turned out to be very complicated and in recovery till the middle of the first night so no visitors on the day either time. Hopefully it all goes smoothly but if there are delays you might not be allowed to see anyone or be on the post natal ward for a while so I’d tell them you can’t commit to anything and DH will update them at the time.

I had a section at 9.30am and felt ok-ish by mid-afternoon, although still pretty high from the drugs and definitely not really with it.

I'd say if they really want to visit briefly and you don't mind it'll be fine, but bear in mind you'll be trying to establish breastfeeding and the nurses will be wanting you to be up, walking around and having a wee as soon as possible, so it's all quite undignified. Personally I waited until I was back at home, so day 3.

Could they stay in hotel nearby and do a short visit to hospital if you were up for it but be prepared that you may not want too. It's depends on how you feel. Both my c sections I was first one down, up and moving by 3ish and getting showered etc so had parents pop in for an hour visit. All the best.

It would be a no from me - just come the next day or once you’re home? I wouldn’t want the pressure

definite no from me, having been in similar situation and had visitors (twice) when in v early recovery. (visits from family I love and have good relationships with)

The visit isn’t for your benefit and is unlikely to help you in any way. it’s for them to see the new baby. Can wait a bit. IMO in retrospect after major surgery and with a DC to care for your needs and wishes should be paramount.

‘Undignified’ is bad but is the best of the scenarios IME!

Honestly prioritise yourself and your baby. If they will make you feel loved and secure then have them come, if they will interrupt your recovery and your babies feeding/bonding then see them once all that is easier.

I agree with this. It’s all very undignified.

My case was slightly different as I had been labouring for a couple of days beforehand but I have never felt so disgusting as I did post C-section: Milk everywhere, bloody sheets, dried sweat, urine bag etc etc. I wasn’t able to get up for a couple of days and I guess they’re so beyond short staffed I was never helped with a wash.

My c-section was at 3am, and my mum came to visit at 3pm. That was more so to give me a hand while DH went to the shop to get some supplies.

The next day a family friend popped in for 20minutes (I felt that was plenty long enough) and my brother too. I remember feeling quite uncomfortable with the midwife discussing quite personal things in front of my brother.

However, I loved getting the visits out of the way in hospital that when we got home we were left alone. I just wanted to sleep/recover/stay in bed when we got home. We watched TV in bed, had takeaways, had no schedule for the first few days/curtains drawn. I could not imagine having to host guests. After four days at home we were ready to open the door to immediate family.

Thanks all, lots to think about. I really dislike having a catheter in and I know that I’ll have to have it in for twelve hours. I imagine I’ll feel a bit wobbly emotionally too. Waiting until we are all safely home might be the better idea. Thank you this is helping me think through the scenarios and feel more prepared!

I’d wait and see how you feel on the day; with one of mine I was happy for visitors and the other I felt so awful after it I just wanted people to go away and leave me and DH with baby

I've had two c sections, one emergency which was at midnight and I was in high dependency for 12 hours afterwards so no one came in anyway. My second was an elective but was during Covid so only my husband was allowed in and actually it would have been good to have some help because you are very much left on your own to do things. I'm having an elective again this time and I would actually rather people come to the hospital and visit then irritate me the first couple of days I'm home.

I had a cystectomy and C-section together and there's no way I'd have wanted anyone but DH there for the first couple of days. It was during covid restrictions though so I didn't have to refuse anyone

I think most important is what you want. You are about to have major surgery not saying that to scare you but that is the reality. You'll have just gone through the biggest day of your life on top of that! They certainly can wait until the next day (or as many days later as you wish). If it were me I'd just say likely not the first day unless you're feeling absolutely amazing and wanting them in you may change your mind. At least the pressure is off. Always always put yourself and your own little family first, best of luck and congratulations OP!!

It's impossible to say really, but if they do visit it's likely to be a very short one. Seeing as they've got a 90 mins drive they might be better waiting a couple of days, until you're home from hospital maybe.
Depends how well you get on and how comfortable you feel with them and how considerate you think they will be about leaving when you've had enough.
I wouldn't have been up to seeing my PIL the day I gave birth to my first and that was a vaginal delivery with ventouse, I saw my own mum very briefly.

I’d wait until the next day or until you’re home - they can see photos and it’s more important that you get comfortable and can feed okay.

I had an EMCS under GA at around midnight. My older DC and parents came to visit at nearly 2pm. I felt well enough at that point for them but wouldn’t have wanted PIL there because I really didn’t feel myself. My mum helped me get up and go to the toilet, for a shower, etc which I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else (except DH) to help me with.

I was first in theatre for both my csections and ready for visitors by lunch time!

I felt a bit out of it for 24 hours. My Dad did come to the hospital. A very short visit is ok but I'd put them off til you are home. Once I got home it was 'bring it on'! We had multiple visits the first day, went out to lunch second day and more the next, but the key is SHORT visits! No spending half the day and expecting tea and refreshments to be brought out in a continuous flow!

if they do visit it's likely to be a very short one. Seeing as they've got a 90 mins drive…

This is a good point, by short do we think 30 mins? An hour? I imagine after the drive they’d want to stay quite a bit longer before heading back!

What’s their rush? Newborns don’t go stale.

I didn’t want visitors for a week after my C-Section, admittedly it was carried out after a long, difficult labour. I didn’t turn a corner until around 10 days post op. Give yourself time and don’t make any firm plans until you’ve had the baby.

undignified is definitely the word! My c-section happened at about noon and by late afternoon I was out of recovery and on the ward so I could have had visitors but I'm pretty sure the feeling wasn't fully back in my legs, I was definitely catheterised and mainly naked trying to establish breastfeeding. And dripping with sweat!!! Nobody tells you about that one.

It was fine but I definitely appreciated having some privacy. My dad came in the evening the next day, and my in-laws came to bring us home from hospital the following afternoon. Those visits were fine. I think I would ask them to come on day 2 if they must visit you in hospital. There are too many variables and if you get shunted down the surgery list on the day, or your surgery turns out to be any more complicated than expected, seeing them the same day may be unfeasible for plenty of reasons.

I would say the day after. If you are up to it.
If you feel great you can let them know on the first day.

90 min by car isn't bad to see a new grandchild. I would expect them (and asked them) to stay a maximum of 30 min.

PILs have now booked a holiday for two days after the c-section date. (So say the c-section is a Monday, they have booked to go on the Wednesday). They strongly implied that they have chosen that date so that they will be able to see the baby before they fly… pressure!

Please try not to feel pressured. It’s not your issue, it’s theirs. When I had my second, I was first on the list. I had to wait for them to clear the overnight emergencies. Then mine was complicated and everyone after me got bumped to the following day. So even with an elective, you have no idea when you’ll be done never mind when you’ll feel up for a visit. Continue to play it by ear. Stand your ground. I still resent FIL for being so demanding when my DC were born. I should have been firmer.