C-section & ovarian cystectomy - PILs would like to visit same day?

[disse]

I’m just wondering about the best approach to managing expectations here.

I am booked in for a c-section on medical advice, plus a removal of an ovarian cyst at the same time. I’ve been told I’ll be first into theatre that morning.

PILs recently asked if they’ll be able to visit us on the same day. DH told them we’ll let them know, as it will depend on how I’m doing/feeling and how baby is doing as well.

However I would be interested from those who have done it before, when I may be likely to feel ready to receive visitors?

Both sets of parents live just over 90 mins’ drive away, if that affects anything.

Thank you!

I know it's easier said than done, but this isn't your issue. It's their choice to book a holiday so soon after their grandchild's birth. DH needs to tell them now that they may not get to see the baby before they go, and that if they do, it will likely be a short visit

Thank you, I had a chat with DH last night and he is on the same page about there being no guarantees.

They can come, but set the expectations with them that it’s a major surgery and you don’t know what your recovery is going to be like.

For reference I was in hospital for 48 hours after the first c section and 10 days after my second.

It really depends. Straight after my elcs I was ok and up for visitors (although I didn't have any until 6 hours later when DH came and PIL brought the older dc in, said a quick hello to me and left. It was later when the spinal had worn off and I was expected to be up and doing everything for myself that it was hard and I wanted to be left alone.

It also depends on if they will be helpful or if they will outstay their welcome.

In a hospital there is nowhere to escape as you only have your bed, at home you are able to take yourself off to your bedroom. Home would be a better place to welcome them as visitors. It was their decision to book that holiday so soon after your c section, you might have complication, on one can tell you how you will feel. Do not feel pressured to see them just because they are asking.

I had EMCS the first time and I was okay for afternoon visiting, the second was ELCS and I felt awful, drugged up from the spinal block, slurred words and it took a while for me to feel human. You can't tell.

Personally because of the extra procedure I would have told them I would see them when you are home. As above you are bleeding, you can't feel your bleeding and DH had to change my pads and cleaned me up because I couldn't lift my arse up to release the pad underneath me, you have a catheter in, you are probably trying to breastfeed and it can feel very overwhelming too. So many emotions. You need to consider you, and your needs above everyone else.

Immediately I thought "of course not"
I'm so surprised at the number of people saying Yes on this thread!

Furthermore, they're trying to pressure you by having booked this holiday. Depending on your relationship with them, this might be a time to put down a marker and show them you'll do what suits you and not be bullied by them

Two of mine were straight into SCBU for breathing problems after my ELCS. I wouldn't have wanted visitors at that point.

24 hours after c section I could have coped with a short visit (less than half an hour) from close relatives - Mum, sister, aunt, maybe MIL but I certainly wouldn't have wanted male visitors except H of course. I felt vulnerable somehow. We actually had both sets of parents after about 48hrs but it ended up coinciding with a Dr coming so H took them and the baby out of the room so it worked well!

Let’s be honest there is no other time when pil would expect to visit you the day you’ve had major surgery!

That would answer the question for me.

I had 2x c-sections. After the second one (twins) I hemorrhaged and needed a hysterectomy. Probably a bit more extreme than what you can expect. (Also, so you don’t worry about it happening to you, caused by a connective tissue disorder.) I don’t really remember the first day of recovery - too bombed, but I bounced back surprisingly well after that. The catheter didn’t bother me. I remember them taking it out late that evening or early the next morning when I was okay to get up and go to the loo myself. I didn’t want visitors, but ended up phoning all grandparents with my first and inviting them up for a quick visit. No one lived locally with the twins, and tbh, I wouldn’t have been up for it.

It would be a big no from me.

Catheters, boobs out trying to breast feed, stomach pain, exhaustion, shakey first time you walk afterwards, the constant checks for you and baby. I literally never felt or looked worse (yet overwhelmed with newborn love).

Prioritise yourself.

I think it depends a bit on you, how it goes on the day and how much the visit would mean to you. If it's just for them and you're agreeing because you feel pressured then definitely reconsider. However, if it would mean a lot to you, you may find you are physically up to it. I had an ELCS a month ago - gave birth at 12.41. I hadn't been sure what to expect so we'd left it a bit open, however, I felt up to visitors for the evening visiting session. My Mum and MiL brought our other two children in which was very positive for me and it meant a lot that they got to meet their brother the day he was born. It was also nice to get visitors anyway as my first son was born during COVID lockdown so a very different experience.

Just say no, and say it now so this isn’t hanging over you in the lead up to and immediately after birth. It’s really sad and actually outrageous that you’re worrying about this and how to preserve their feelings on the cusp of the biggest thing that will ever happen to you, and for which you can have no idea ahead of time how you’ll feel or how the baby will be. It is extraordinary how selfish people are around new mothers and babies.

I was in hospital for five days after my c section (in England, on the nhs. Not everyone gets smoothly discharged after 24 hours). My family really wanted to come and visit and asked several times but I just said no, and I’m the biggest people pleaser on the planet, but I just didn’t want them, or anyone, there. You need to look after yourself - and the people around you, especially your partner, should be thinking about how to look after you too!