HELP!! Being pregnant at the same time as family member

[Livingmydream25]

All the advice needed. I'm pregnant at the same time as a family member, just a few weeks behind her. She will share with me her little weekly milestones from her app, but then if I share what my app says (we are using different apps so sometimes the info is different) she gets really upset, will tell me I'm wrong and then not speak to me for the rest of the day. I'm not sure what to do. I want to share this journey with her, we have always been really close but anything I say, even when I told her where I hope to give birth, seems to cause upset.

Stop sharing anything with her. Just enjoy your pregnancy in peace by yourself.

Is she very young and getting the support she needs?

Honestly OP she needs to get some support

Congratulations!

Just stop sharing stuff with her. It sounds exhausting, batshit and infantile anyway.

Apps didn't exist when I had my family BTW. I don't know how we survived.

Has she had a lot of pregnancy losses?
I can't imagine being so anxious otherwise.

Ask her why she is behaving like this.

If she carries on then take a step back from her.

Thank you everyone. She's around the same age as me.
She has lots of support from our family, the same as I do.
She hasn't had any losses but had been trying quite a few months whereas I got pregnant quite quickly, so I wonder if that's it?

I want her to be able to share her updates and be excited but she feels like I'm making it a competition or that we're trying to one up each other. It's so hard because we have always been close and was so excited to go through this process together.

Maybe I just need to lay off sharing!

Just stop sharing.

So she can talk about her pregnancy and you can’t talk about yours?

normally I’d say ignore and not discuss at all BUT you are related and presumably your lives are closely intertwined so if you deal with it now it’ll be your child that’s effected.

On that basis I’d directly ask her
”why can you talk about your pregnancy and I can’t?”
” why aren’t you happy for me? This is a nice thing for both of us”
“are you going to be like this when the babies arrive?”

Otherwise she is always going to be put “first” and you are forever going to be having to consider her feelings.
people like this are verrry good at conditioning others to do this for them. So you’ll have your mother / mil / whoever saying “oh you can’t buy the Disney castle from Santa, Sarah wanted one but couldn’t afford it it’ll upset her and it won’t be fair on Sarah’s kid if yours has one and she doesn’t”
”Sarah is saving to take her son to Disney next year. It’s not fair of you go this year”
blah fucking blah

You’ll never hear the end of it

I'd take a step back - if she's like this now...she'll be an absolute nightmare comparing milestones when the babies are here.

Op, this person will ruin your pregnancy if you allow her to. You know that sharing info with her does not work, so stop. Don't share anything with her and take a huge step back from even communicating with her. The way you treat people has consequences and she needs to learn this. I predict that after your kids are born her twatishness will continue in how she compares her child/parenting to yours. Learn your lesson now, stay shot of her and enjoy your own little family. Whatever her problems are, don't make them yours.

Honestly you need to take a step back, it sounds unhealthy. I’m pregnant and haven’t used any apps and don’t plan to with the baby, it’s all so obsessive and competitive. It’s only going to get worse when your babies are here, unless you nip it in the bud. It doesn’t matter how long it took to get pregnant etc.and why not talk about something else! I’ve got friends who are also pregnant and I make a big effort to talk about other stuff, so dull otherwise.

First and foremost this is HER problem, you've done nothing wrong.
You can either bring it to her attention and set some boundaries on what is an acceptable way to treat someone or take a step back and ignore her - or you can do both!
Please don't let this take up too much of your headspace, enjoy your own pregnancy.

How close a family member is she? Depends on how much you really will see her once baby is born and how much you can avoid.

My sister done some pretty crazy shit when she was pregnant/new mum to our other sister.

Your sibling I presume? That’s where the competitive demons usually come out! Edited as just realised you said you were close in age so maybe not! Sometimes pregnancy and kids bring you closer together with rels, sometimes not, we just have to accept that they may be facing challenges that complicate things too much to share this experience in a good way. Wait til the debates over child rearing occur!

What relation is she to you?
Either way make it clear that you are allowed to enjoy your pregnancy too. If she is happy for you to share than tell her that you don't want her updates.

Are you sure you'd know if she'd had an early miscarriage in the months since she started TTC? She sounds very anxious to me. If hearing conflicting info stresses her out maybe just avoid posting her things that contradict her own posts.

Just stop sharing.

Just blank it. Give a thumbs up emoji to all of her updates and send nothing back. She sounds like loon though so that will probably upset her too.

Sounds like maybe she is very anxious? I'd personally stop sharing with her she is kind of ruining your experience.

She sounds like a petulant dick. Are you both sharing in a group text, or just to each other?

If it’s just to each other, then just stop responding to her. If she asks why, tell her.

She's hard work, i would take a step back.

Apps? Like "my baby is the size of a orange" "well mines an apple"?

Juvenile. I'd sack off the apps and ask her what's wrong

She's being wierd af. My SIL is due 4 weeks after me, it's awesome having someone I love doing it at the same time as me. The only thing I have jokingly said is that I'll be pissed if she has her baby first, theres a good chance she will do, DS was super late and she has things going on that could mean she gets induced early. I hope she knows I won't actually be pissed (well not much anyway).

Just stop sharing with her. She's not a support in your pregnancy, focus on the people that love you

I was incredibly anxious about my first pregnancy. Turns out I was right to be as it ended in miscarriage. Pregnancy can absolutely be a highly anxious time.

To all the posters saying she may have had a miscarriage - what relevance does that have to this? I ask as someone who’s had several miscarriages. I would understand if she was not pregnant and experiencing someone close being pregnant. But in this case she is pregnant and is happy to share about it. Why can’t OP do the same?

I suspect it’s nothing to do with pregnancy loss and more to do with her wanting this to be “her” time and not share the limelight with anyone else. Whatever the reason it is childish, petty and weird. I would call her out on it. If she didn’t stop, I would ask her not to share updates with me. If she asked why I would tell her it was upsetting, her updates were wrong and then not speak to her for the rest of the day. Basically do exactly what she’s doing to you!