Accidentally know our babys sex

[Pumpkinspice77]

We had our 20 week anomaly scan today and did not want to find out the sex. The sonography knew and had us look away when she measured the legs. However, at the end of the scan she was looking at the placenta and the baby must have moved and I could unmistakably see the baby’s sex (baby boy) it was in the almost perfect position. I could even tell by the sonographers face but she played it cool.

I told my husband I think I seen when we left but he doesn’t think I did, that perhaps it was something else and my mind jumped to it. But I’ve googled the images and I’m pretty sure. He has told me not to tell him.

I’m devastated as I didn’t want to know. I feel like it will change my whole labour and delivery experience and I have to carry around this secret for the next 5 months. I can’t even tell anyone else I know or they will ask me to tell them what it is. Hence why I’m writing on an anonymous forum.

(For background we have a 11 month old son who was conceived after 3 rounds of IVF and 5 embryo transfers. We didn’t think we’d even have children. So although it is minor, and I know that I am very lucky to be having another healthy baby, this feels like another thing I’ve been robbed of)

Can anyone provide any words of wisdom? Help me romanticise this so I don’t feel so sad about knowing.

Well 3 scans and the woman told me a girl. A very well endowed ds arrived.. No idea how she missed that!! You aren't trained... You may be mistaken.
If all was well at the scan hold onto that. . Congratulations!!

We're not finding out sex but I'm almost certain what I saw on scan was a girl. I just keep reminding myself I know nothing, I'm not trained and even professionals get it wrong.

You don't know for sure. Either way congratulations! I know of 2 people who got the opposite of what the professionals said, so if they can get it wrong so can you x x

You have a baby already, so you know babies don’t do what they are meant to do. They’re awkward little buggers. It’s not something you’ve been robbed of, it’s just your baby showing your their personality already.

You might be wrong, you might not. However, you shouldn’t have to keep the secret to yourself. You should be able to tell your DH and discuss it together.

It's just part of the story/process isn't it? You didn't set out to know, you think you know, you'll be right or wrong in the end, bit of a tale, bit of excitement. I think you are adding meaning to this that isn't there. You can reframe this in your mind.

I agree with PPs, you aren't trained and you saw a glimpse of something. And now you think you know, the pictures you're googling will just be convincing you that that is what you remember seeing. Even professionals who are specifically looking get it wrong sometimes.

It’s very easy to get boys wrong- a bit of umbilical cord in the right place and it can look very much like a penis.

like pp have said- the trained sonographers can get it wrong, so the chances of you being correct are about 50:50 :D

My sister was a boy on the scan. Clearly not when she was born!

We accidentally found out for our second daughter. Weren't 100% sure - neither of us are sonographers - but it was such a clear "hamburger" image that we weren't left in much doubt. We looked at each other on the way out and said we really needed to make sure we had a good girls name lined up!!

It wasn't what we'd have chosen but having got over the initial facepalm it was quite reassuring knowing we were out likely well kitted out from having an older DD already.

If your DH doesn't want to know, would he be happy for you to share your suspicions with someone else so it's not eating you up?

Me and my husband were absolutely convinced we saw boy parts at our 20 week scan. We barely even discussed girl names- it was a girl!!

Geniune questions

Why are you sad about knowing? Like what specifically? Is it just its not how you planned it? Were you hoping for a girl?
You obviously have to find out at some point...its earlier than you'd like but so what?

And why do you have to keep it a secret for 5 months?
No one really cares about the sex of your child really except potentially you and your husband. Certainly people are even less interested in no 2...

Fwiw my.friend is a sonographer they rarely sex boys incorrectly. Ie if you are expecting a boy its generally a boy... where they do get it wrong is with girls ie. You think its going to be a girl and its a boy

Just wait and see….and enjoy your pregnancy and baby x

We don't want people making gender based assumptions about our child before they're even born so we would feel the same about keeping it secret.

What gender based assumptions would people make?

I was certain I saw the sex on the scan and when I told my husband he said the same - except we both said a different sex! We're not trained and the sonographer wasn't trying to look.

Needless to say, one of us got it right, but our chances were as good as if we'd guessed blindfolded!

Thank you all for your responses. For the person who asked why I’m upset it’s because we had a surprise with our first and not knowing the sex and then only finding out when he was born was such a special moment and I guess I wanted that again. I wasn’t expecting to “find out” today so it was a bit of a shock.

I am glad to hear that some people thought they saw something on the scan and the baby turned out to be the opposite etc. It is reassuring to know that perhaps I’m wrong and it will still be a surprise.

As someone said, it’s just the baby showing their personality already, perhaps they wanted me to know!?

It’s not what you wanted to happen, but it’s a medical appointment first and foremost. Can you take comfort from the fact you’re having a healthy baby? There are far worse things that can come out of those appointments.

I was 100% sure I saw boy bits at out 20 week scan. I spent weeks Googling images to compare them to what I saw and would have bet my life that I'd seen a penis.

We were meant to be having a surprise too so I was really upset and annoyed that the sonographer hadn't told us to look away.

My daughter was born in May 🙄😅

It's still really special when a baby is born and you already know their sex, honestly! It's a baby. A real live person with a face and ten tiny toes and tiny hands, and maybe looks a bit like one of you and has a cry all of their own, and your see the first glimmer of their personality. It's super special. I don't think it's any less so just because you already know if it's a girl or a boy.

You don't know what you're having, you just have strong suspicions. I had the same, thought it was a boy. Definitely wasn't 😂
So either I'd park this under another fun "what are we having old wives tale type symptom guessing" moment or I would have a scan to confirm either way so that you can start to bond with a he/she rather than a they.

With respect, move on and get over it.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture here and be grateful that you are walking out of the ultrasound being told your baby looks structurally normal. Believe me, thinking you saw the gender would be the last thing on your mind if you were told that he or she had found an abnormality. The anomaly scan is a detailed structural assessment of your baby’s anatomy and the sonographer has no control over what you see while they are doing their job. There’s always potential to see the gender during an ultrasound so if it mattered that much to you, you should have asked to turn off your screen.

I remember seeing the hot dog bun and being ever so surprised when he was born with his bunless hot dog and huge balls.
You've still got 50/50 of either baby and you're still having your surprise x

i was very convinced I was having a boy - didn’t want to know so looked away at every scan , had a wobble about it one night and really studied those scan pictures, saw an unmistakable dangly bit between the legs. Definitely a boy .

In hindsight the fact that presumed appendage was the length of my child might have been a hint that it was the cord ….

You don’t know for sure op!