Accidentally know our babys sex

[Pumpkinspice77]

We had our 20 week anomaly scan today and did not want to find out the sex. The sonography knew and had us look away when she measured the legs. However, at the end of the scan she was looking at the placenta and the baby must have moved and I could unmistakably see the baby’s sex (baby boy) it was in the almost perfect position. I could even tell by the sonographers face but she played it cool.

I told my husband I think I seen when we left but he doesn’t think I did, that perhaps it was something else and my mind jumped to it. But I’ve googled the images and I’m pretty sure. He has told me not to tell him.

I’m devastated as I didn’t want to know. I feel like it will change my whole labour and delivery experience and I have to carry around this secret for the next 5 months. I can’t even tell anyone else I know or they will ask me to tell them what it is. Hence why I’m writing on an anonymous forum.

(For background we have a 11 month old son who was conceived after 3 rounds of IVF and 5 embryo transfers. We didn’t think we’d even have children. So although it is minor, and I know that I am very lucky to be having another healthy baby, this feels like another thing I’ve been robbed of)

Can anyone provide any words of wisdom? Help me romanticise this so I don’t feel so sad about knowing.

When I was having my third after two of the same sex, I used to protest to my obs, "I don't want to see, don't show me that!!" He hinted bigtime, "what is it you have at home again?"

I couldn't have cared less whether it was a boy or a girl; I just wanted a baby after two miscarriages! We got the opposite to what we already had and that was amazing but we were also a little bit sad not to have a baby of the same sex we had!

Exactly this..

What does this even mean? You either have a boy or a girl. I don’t understand why it gets worked up so much?

Apart from the fact that you're not a trained sonographer so you could very well be wrong... this is going to sound harsh but who cares? So many more things to find out about your little one who is going to become your big one? Hair colour? Are they musical? Sporty? Introverted? Big party animal? Clumsy? Graceful? You have a lifetime of discovery and adventure coming your way. And if your second child is anything like mine this is the first of many curveballs that they'll throw at you so buckle up. Congratulations on your pregnancy, having another baby and watching them grow together is a lovely thing to witness.

I'm not worked up about it. I've actually found other people much more worked up about the fact I'm not finding out. It's really annoyed some people. Which really does make you wonder why their problem is.

So you want a girl then?

After 2 boys I was CONVINCED I saw a penis on my 3rd baby's 20 week scan.
To me it looked just like my first 2s and I saw balls and everything.

My daughter arrived and I was shocked 😂

My mum (ex nurse) was convinced she had seen her third baby's bits on the scan and that it was a boy, was calling the bump "Jake" for months. Turned out to be my lovely sister (not called Jake).

It’s 50/50-don’t get people making out it’s a massive surprise. I didn’t have a clue what was showing on the scan, can’t believe you actually think you know from the scan. you have a healthy baby growing - focus on that. Did you secretly want a girl and you’re disappointed? That’s what it reads like to me

This happened to me with DC2. We didn’t want to know and told them so but we had a trainee sonographer who spent long periods getting measurements and forgot to tell us when to look away. Neither of us said anything at the time but on the way out of hospital I said to DH ‘Did you see what I think I saw?’ DH said: ‘Ballbag? Yep.’ 😂

I don’t think either of us mentioned it again after that other than to say ‘we might be wrong- maybe it was something else’.

So yes it did ruin the surprise somewhat but it couldn’t be helped.

You really can't know for sure from a quick, untrained glimpse

At my 20 week scan when I'd been sent for a walk to get baby to change position, my partner whispered to me that he'd spotted the genitals and it was definitely a boy.
We went back in and with baby in a better position the sonographer said it was a girl. Had to go back for another scan two weeks later and the sonographer again agreed it was a girl. She hasn't been born yet so I suppose she might still be a he after all!

OP, we are not experts. We don't know what we are seeing from a glimpse. You might be right, might be wrong, but you definitely haven't been 'robbed' of anything. Obviously this is a tense time for you and emotions are heightened but I would honestly take this as a cue to touch grass a little bit, maybe speak to midwife about your feelings - it does seem like a bit of an overreaction which during pregnancy might point to the start of anxiety or depression. I'd seek to address that now if I were you x

Devastated? Really?

I trust that your anomaly scan came back clear and you are on track for a healthy pregnancy?

You're devastated? You have a healthy baby growing, whether that baby is a boy or a girl.
I could understand feeling a bit miffed but devastated? It's a medical procedure at the end of the day and presumably, there were no obvious problems with the baby. That's a win.

OP, I understand your disappointment but I think surprises are fast becoming a thing of the past.
The quality of scans now is so good that there is virtually no ambiguity. Mistakes that could happen 5 or 10 years ago don't anymore.
Moreover, the "nub theory" turns out to not he a theory at all but a 95% accurate way of determining sex past 12 weeks.
It's very hard to not see the nub at the 12 week scan.

It's unfortunate you've seen the sex but you had a surprise with no1. And as everyone has pointed out, your baby is healthy! Congratulations and I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I mean with kindness, you are only going to have a boy or a girl. It isn't really a shock or something special. If it was a kitten well that would be a surprise, but you are having a baby.

I don't agree with you carrying the secret, if that's how you feel, you should say you thought you saw he was a boy. That's all it is , a thought. You are going to be right 50% of the time no matter what you saw.

This happened to me today. I lost a little girl later on last year and I’ve suffered a lot of mixed feelings and anxiety over gender reveals.

she didn’t ask if I wanted to know, I thought I made it obvious by keeping my head turned to the other side. Then she asked me to look at the legs and pretty sure I saw something. Don’t really understand why the sonographer asked me to look.

people have all different reasons for being upset they may have found out, I don’t know why some people are judgemental. I’m upset because of grief.

it is a shock or something special to some people. Same thing happened to me today, I’m upset because I lost a baby late on and am not ready for gender stuff yet. Everyone has their own reasons which are valid.

It wasn’t a sonographer that sexed it though?

With respect, being 'devastated' when there are a number of women who would love to be in your position - to be pregnant - but can't or are unable to.

Appreciate what you have and enjoy your experience of it.

@Welshiegreen did you not read my whole post? And everyone else who told me to get over it. I literally went to hell and back to start my family, which was a journey filled with trauma, loss, grief and medical procedures. That means that finding something like this out unexpectedly is compounded by the trauma associated with being unable to conceive. So of course I “appreciate what I have more” than many could ever understand. My feelings are valid. As are yours @Lithgow2000 I am so sorry you lost your baby girl and I’m sorry about what happened during your scan. I knew this post would attract the judgemental people but I am very appreciative of those who were kind and helped me feel better, so thank you to those folks.

I have lots of both professional and family/friend support in my life for those who were worried about this being the start of depression or anxiety. Going through what I have means I have a very good understanding of my own mental health so I know what my needs are. In this instance it was to get it off my chest in an anonymous forum.

I’m sorry you met so much judgement. People don’t know the reasons why you might feel a certain way and sometimes coming here for support means you get the exact opposite. I understand how you feel. After doing some research I think I saw cord because the shot was from above. Maybe you did too xx

It's disappointing when it doesn't go to plan but it will still be a special moment when your baby is born. One of the difficult things in pregnancy is the lack of control over things and I imagine this is multiplied by your difficult journey to conceive. I would allow yourself to feel what you are feeling for now and in time you will process it. As PP said, your baby wanted to show you!

I thought i saw mine was a boy too. It wasnt