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Original poster

Missed Miscarriage - Best Option?

45 replies

TruthUnwinding · 30/06/2024 13:42

Hello. I posted the other day regarding a missed miscarriage and what to do. I had a scan last week which confirmed my baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, and I am now past the 10 week mark. My body still feels nauseous and exhausted, it's horrible!

I am due to go in for my 'final' scan on Wednesday, and then I have asked for the surgical operation under general anaesthetic. My NHS counsellor (previous pregnancy nurse) has suggested this, due to my previous 2 traumatic losses.

Is the surgical option with general anaesthetic the best option? I am a little scared about the GA as I haven't had it before, but the other options (MVA, medical) sound harrowing!

OP posts:
Blueskies121 · 30/06/2024 13:52

Hi Op. I'm very sorry for your loss. Its a very personal decision but I opted for surgical management. I was just over 10 weeks when it was discovered, baby hadn't grown beyond 7 weeks. I was really scared about the medical management, the pain, what I might see and not being in control so I felt the surgery was best for me. The nurses were so kind and I was home by the afternoon. Although the general anaesthetic was scary I took comfort that I would go to sleep and wake up with it all over without me having to be involved and see what was happening if that makes sense. Sending you lots of love

HcbSS · 30/06/2024 13:54

Blueskies121 · 30/06/2024 13:52

Hi Op. I'm very sorry for your loss. Its a very personal decision but I opted for surgical management. I was just over 10 weeks when it was discovered, baby hadn't grown beyond 7 weeks. I was really scared about the medical management, the pain, what I might see and not being in control so I felt the surgery was best for me. The nurses were so kind and I was home by the afternoon. Although the general anaesthetic was scary I took comfort that I would go to sleep and wake up with it all over without me having to be involved and see what was happening if that makes sense. Sending you lots of love

Totally agree with this. I hope you have someone to go with you to offer RL support.
Very sorry OP. Do you have other children or was this your ‘last hope’ pregnancy? Either way, must be horrible. All the best.

Edenmum2 · 30/06/2024 13:54

Sorry OP, I've been there 3 times and the surgical management was by far the best option. Medical management didn't work for me and the whole process took months. The surgical route definitely helped me recover much more quickly and was less traumatic.

Sending love

Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 30/06/2024 14:13

HcbSS · 30/06/2024 13:54

Totally agree with this. I hope you have someone to go with you to offer RL support.
Very sorry OP. Do you have other children or was this your ‘last hope’ pregnancy? Either way, must be horrible. All the best.

Show quote history

Hello. My husband will be with me for before and after the surgery. He'll then look after me if needs be for the rest of the day.

Sadly, I've only ever had three pregnancies and they've all ended in loss so far. I'm 36 and my first pregnancy was at 35.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 30/06/2024 14:14

Blueskies121 · 30/06/2024 13:52

Hi Op. I'm very sorry for your loss. Its a very personal decision but I opted for surgical management. I was just over 10 weeks when it was discovered, baby hadn't grown beyond 7 weeks. I was really scared about the medical management, the pain, what I might see and not being in control so I felt the surgery was best for me. The nurses were so kind and I was home by the afternoon. Although the general anaesthetic was scary I took comfort that I would go to sleep and wake up with it all over without me having to be involved and see what was happening if that makes sense. Sending you lots of love

Thank you for sharing your experience, the surgical management does seem less traumatic from your experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 30/06/2024 14:14

Edenmum2 · 30/06/2024 13:54

Sorry OP, I've been there 3 times and the surgical management was by far the best option. Medical management didn't work for me and the whole process took months. The surgical route definitely helped me recover much more quickly and was less traumatic.

Sending love

I'm sorry to hear that it has happened three times, and that the medical management took months. That sounds horrible! :(

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 30/06/2024 14:21

Also, does anyone know the signs to expect if the miscarriage happens naturally?

I've started to have lower back pain and feel really rubbish (nauseous and sad/moody)

OP posts:
WolfMother326 · 30/06/2024 14:57

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had the exact same thing happen last September. I chose to have a surgical management under GA. It was a good choice for me. I felt better emotionally and physically very quickly after it was all over.

Wise0wl · 30/06/2024 19:03

@TruthUnwinding I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve not had surgical with GA, but I have had two MVAs with local anaesthetic so in case it’s helpful- it was quick (in and out in half an hour, offered MVAs the same day as the scan otherwise I would have had to wait), I’ve not had any issue with retained products, and although not comfortable, it’s over very quickly. For me, once I knew the pregnancy wasn’t viable I wanted to take action ASAP, which is why I opted for the MVA.

I hope you have lots of support, and best of luck with whichever route you go for x

Melusina123 · 30/06/2024 19:42

I'm so sorry you're going through this. 💐

Same experience here as @Wise0wl . MVA wasn't comfortable or dignified but it was over very quickly and they were able to do it the same afternoon. It would have been more wait for the procedure under GA, but also I have a fear of GAs so I'd never opt for one unless I had to.

But I've had one before so I know what it's like, you'll be in the procedure room one moment and the next you'll be waking up in recovery as if no time had passed. They're very, very safe, nothing to fear unless you're irrational like me. So this may very much be the best option for you.

Ttcmumma · 30/06/2024 20:42

Hey, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a mmc at 14 weeks baby stopped growing at 11 weeks. I opted for medical as I really didn't want the surgical, it seemed traumatic for my body and meant staying away from my son longer. Medical for me was quite fast and effective, pain was bearable but it was mentally traumatic watching the pregnancy, not knowing what was baby and what wasn't. Do I flush the toilet or don't it? It's worked well for me but mentally it was horrible. Not sure if not seeing anything with a surgical would potentially help that?

MrsB2019x · 30/06/2024 21:04

I’m so sorry for your loss OP 💐

I would take surgery in a heartbeat tbh. I had a MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 8.5), I was booked in for surgery but miscarried at home before my surgery date came around. It was pretty hideous tbh.
I then was bleeding for 8 weeks so went back for a scan to be told I had retained products, so I had surgery to remove those. It was almost pleasant in a weird way iykwim? Like once I was awake I knew it was all over and could start finding closure.
Physically there was barely any pain and I bled for 10 days (though it was really light for most of it). I was tired but that was about it. I’d really recommend it over medical management tbh.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck 💖

BabyAllergy101 · 30/06/2024 21:15

So sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC diagnosed at 12 weeks. The hospital only offered MVA under local anaesthetic. I went for this even though I can't cope with smears or vaginal examinations.

I found the pre-procedure chat so distressing that the doctor squeezed me onto the surgery list for that day and I had the MVA under GA. It was honestly fine. I was very scared going in for the anaesthetic but it was so easy and I was asleep quickly. Once I came around I had no pain and actually asked if they'd had an issue and not been able to do the procedure.

A really horrible time emotionally so I really feel for you, but the GA was a really positive process for me.

Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 01/07/2024 18:43

WolfMother326 · 30/06/2024 14:57

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had the exact same thing happen last September. I chose to have a surgical management under GA. It was a good choice for me. I felt better emotionally and physically very quickly after it was all over.

That's very reassuring, thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 01/07/2024 18:44

Wise0wl · 30/06/2024 19:03

@TruthUnwinding I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve not had surgical with GA, but I have had two MVAs with local anaesthetic so in case it’s helpful- it was quick (in and out in half an hour, offered MVAs the same day as the scan otherwise I would have had to wait), I’ve not had any issue with retained products, and although not comfortable, it’s over very quickly. For me, once I knew the pregnancy wasn’t viable I wanted to take action ASAP, which is why I opted for the MVA.

I hope you have lots of support, and best of luck with whichever route you go for x

I was initially offered MVA's but my counsellor said it can be painful and traumatic, did you find this? I do like the idea that it can be done very quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 01/07/2024 18:47

Melusina123 · 30/06/2024 19:42

I'm so sorry you're going through this. 💐

Same experience here as @Wise0wl . MVA wasn't comfortable or dignified but it was over very quickly and they were able to do it the same afternoon. It would have been more wait for the procedure under GA, but also I have a fear of GAs so I'd never opt for one unless I had to.

But I've had one before so I know what it's like, you'll be in the procedure room one moment and the next you'll be waking up in recovery as if no time had passed. They're very, very safe, nothing to fear unless you're irrational like me. So this may very much be the best option for you.

I've never had GA so I'm nervous, I'm the kind of person who doesn't take paracetemol unless they really need to! But my counsellor said MVA can be very painful and traumatic, and suggested giving it a miss due to previous trauma.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 01/07/2024 18:51

Ttcmumma · 30/06/2024 20:42

Hey, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a mmc at 14 weeks baby stopped growing at 11 weeks. I opted for medical as I really didn't want the surgical, it seemed traumatic for my body and meant staying away from my son longer. Medical for me was quite fast and effective, pain was bearable but it was mentally traumatic watching the pregnancy, not knowing what was baby and what wasn't. Do I flush the toilet or don't it? It's worked well for me but mentally it was horrible. Not sure if not seeing anything with a surgical would potentially help that?

Oh yes that does sound very traumatic, I'm sorry you went through that. I can imagine it was awful seeing the baby pass.

With my TMFR I saw the baby and saw blood being pumped out of me (though was high on morphine and fentanyl painkillers when this happened to me). So I think my counsellor is keen for me to avoid seeing something like this again.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 01/07/2024 18:52

MrsB2019x · 30/06/2024 21:04

I’m so sorry for your loss OP 💐

I would take surgery in a heartbeat tbh. I had a MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 8.5), I was booked in for surgery but miscarried at home before my surgery date came around. It was pretty hideous tbh.
I then was bleeding for 8 weeks so went back for a scan to be told I had retained products, so I had surgery to remove those. It was almost pleasant in a weird way iykwim? Like once I was awake I knew it was all over and could start finding closure.
Physically there was barely any pain and I bled for 10 days (though it was really light for most of it). I was tired but that was about it. I’d really recommend it over medical management tbh.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck 💖

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry to hear you went through that. 8 weeks is such a long time! I'm glad to hear you healed quickly after the medical procedure. <3

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthUnwinding · 01/07/2024 18:54

BabyAllergy101 · 30/06/2024 21:15

So sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC diagnosed at 12 weeks. The hospital only offered MVA under local anaesthetic. I went for this even though I can't cope with smears or vaginal examinations.

I found the pre-procedure chat so distressing that the doctor squeezed me onto the surgery list for that day and I had the MVA under GA. It was honestly fine. I was very scared going in for the anaesthetic but it was so easy and I was asleep quickly. Once I came around I had no pain and actually asked if they'd had an issue and not been able to do the procedure.

A really horrible time emotionally so I really feel for you, but the GA was a really positive process for me.

I'm sorry you were diagnosed at 12 weeks, that sounds extremely difficult.

Though i'm glad to hear that your experience of the surgical procedure with GA was physically not very noticeable. Of course that is only one side of the pain! <3

OP posts:
Dryshampoofordays · 01/07/2024 19:09

I’m sorry OP, choose whichever feels like the least worst option, there are no good choices it’s so unfair. Take care of yourself x

ladycarlotta · 01/07/2024 19:34

So very sorry you are in this position, OP. I've had two MMC and both times opted for the D&C under GA. Unfortunately both times they had me waiting too long for surgery and I miscarried at home which was nightmarish and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I had retained products both times and still had to have a D&C anyway.

Like a PP said, it was a huge huge relief to come out of surgery and know that it was definitely all over with. Walking around knowing you are still carrying that wanted pregnancy, feeling all the symptoms, knowing it has stopped progressing, is a special kind of hell. Once it was done I felt immediate peace and closure, and all the staff were so nice. So personally I'd recommend D&C but don't be afraid to be assertive about getting it asap. Maybe my local trust is particularly crappy - I would hope this is not a common thing - but do please going in knowing the treatment you want and don't allow yourself to be fobbed off or talked into another option. This stuff is traumatic enough without adding anything else in.

Blue2020 · 01/07/2024 19:43

Sorry for your loss, well losses.

I had a missed miscarriage in 2022. I went for a private scan at 9 weeks and found out it had stopped at 6+2ish. I went to epu to be scanned and they confirmed. However they wanted to rescan in two weeks time before they would do anything. I then caught covid just before the scan so it got delayed, so around 11ish weeks I started to naturally miscarry while I was at the end of covid. It started off with 2 days of small amounts of dark blood. Then three days of intense cramps that would come and go. I managed without pain killers and just spent a lot of time with a hot water bottle in bed. It was 10x worse than my worst period cramps. I was bleeding a small amount. Then with no warning on day three I suddenly flooded with blood, I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time so I soaked my jeans getting there. Then spent quite a while in the bathroom - just passing lots of blood like gushes. I thought it was all over, two days later in a restaurant to help cheer me up I ended up with cramps again and spent 20minutes in the bathroom passing more. I went to the epu for the follow up scan anyway because they said to go still and they said there was still retained products but it would likely come out with my next period if it didn’t before then. Well three more weeks of bleeding and testing positive and I then had the surgery when I would have been 16 weeks pregnant- so 7 weeks of the miscarriage and waiting.

The surgery was very pleasant (I didn’t remember anything), I had GA and I just woke up slightly disorientated because I was in another room. I felt slightly cold temporarily and they gave me a blanket. That day I was fine but the next day I had some discomfort/pain. Then I stopped bleeding a few days after that and was back to normal. A caveat is 9 days after the surgery I had intense cramps for a day which I think was bowel related. Once I had gone to the toilet I was fine after that.

I conceived again three months later after the surgery. I now have a ds, I had an emergency csection for him and to be honest I think having the mmc surgery and GA helped me be less worried about the csection and LA. I stayed awake for the csection but I was already used to going into theatre and the process.

Blue2020 · 01/07/2024 19:52

Sorry if that’s too much detail.

We are now ttc#2 and really hope I don’t have another mc but if I do I would try to request surgery a lot sooner than last time. Those 7 weeks were the longest of my life so far. It just felt never ending.

Dressinggowntime · 01/07/2024 19:55

I had it done under GA. Was very straightforward. No pain and minimal bleeding afterwards. Hope it goes ok for you

LegoLegoLegoLegoLego · 01/07/2024 19:58

Absolutely go for surgical management if you can. It means it is "over", and the GA is fine and everyone will be kind. Best wishes xx