I want a baby but my boyfriend doesn't

[Mammytothree]

I have 3 older and young teenage children to my ex. Boyfriend has 2 older teenage children to his ex. We have known each other for 6 months and recently moved in together. I have started to feel broody which I am surprised at myself I would love one baby with my boyfriend but he has said that is one thing he doesn't want to give me infact he has booked himself into having the snip I feel so upset especially as my ex had the snip just after a give birth to our 3rd baby because he didn't want more childen. My boyfriend has said several times to me "I don't want to give you a baby" "if you are pregnant I want you to have an abortion" I'm 40 he is 48

He sounds very sensible. You’ve barely been together, haven’t lived together, and should focus on your existing children, they need you even more to navigate tricky teen years.

@GrazingSheep
You’ve known each other for 6 months and now have moved in together and you want a baby ?
Are you mad??

Quite.

Now would be a really good time to put your energy into your career. You’ll be amazed how much more that improves your life than men & babies.

😬

You already have 5 between you, he's 48 and doesn't want to be starting over again with a woman he's been with only 6 months now he's got his independence and be carting a kid off to university at 70. Smart.

Not mad, just being driven by hormones and what ifs. She says herself she wanted to keep on popping them out but her ex got the snip, never got over it. She's hit 40, realised more kids is a now or never and is approaching it with blinkers because clock has almost run out. Still stupid, but there is a broodiness there that's not wholly without empathy for why it's there.

Is really not uncommon to see posts on here about trying for another at 40.

To be honest you're lucky he hasn't run screaming to the hills, not many men would stick around with someone bringing up babies after only six months, even the ones who do want them.

Being broody is not a good enough reason to have more kids when you already have three - they are your priority, not your hormones, and you need to consider the impact a baby would have on their lives. I'd have thought by 40 you should have realised you don't have to act on every biological impulse you have.

that is one thing he doesn't want to give me

No one gives another person a baby, certainly not the bloke who contributes very little at all

At 40 you have no time to leave and find someone else so making your peace with sticking with the three you have seems the only real option.

Known each other for 6 months and moved in together.
Wanting a baby.
You don't know eachother well enough it's been 26 weeks.
You both have kids and tbh he's being sensible.
Or are you thinking child maintenance if the relationship ends.
Plus given both your age's (your to old to be doing it all again my opinion)
Get some sense.
I wouldn't even introduce my kids to a new man in 6 months let alone move in with him.

You have three, you’re 40 and he’s nearly 50.

This has to be hormones. You can see that, right OP? This isn’t a rational thought process.

BTW moving an unrelated man in with your teenagers when you've known him 6 months is about the most dangerous 'normal' thing you can do in terms of risk. Tying yourself to him forever with a baby is another very risky step.

This was almost exactly my response, albeit a different animal plus added "are you mental? You're at a stage where you've regained your freedom!"

Do you have pets OP? I highly recommend a kitten or puppy (depending on your preference of species and what your lifestyle will suit once they are fully grown) to stamp out the broodiness. I'm the same age as you (DH is older than your BF) and we got a kitten last year. We chose a kitten over an older cat with the aim of allowing our older resident to stamp her mark and maintain position as 'Top Cat' (we would have preferred an older cat) - holy crap, he was hard work! The first month felt like we were back in the trenches with even the smallest task taking forever, sleep being constantly disrupted, and feeling forever touched out. Even a year on we often comment that he's bloody lucky he's so cute and cuddly... His nickname is Menace and has very firmly cemented the '2 and done'! I hadn't realised quite how far we had come in terms of free time, sleep, flexibility etc, and I now I know, I have absolutely no wish to return to those dark days. Friends who got a puppy at the same time have found an even harder bump back to the baby days.

40 year olds don’t say stuff like “he won’t give me a baby,” in the way you’re saying it.

Moving a random man in with your kids after 6 months? How incredibly irresponsible. You don’t sound like you’re doing a great job of parenting the kids that already exist. Please don’t make another one!

Yes, massively increased the children’s chances of being sexually abused…

Thank fuck that at least he has some sense. Honestly, give your head a good shake. It's bad enough you've moved him in after just six months.

I’m 35 and the guy I’m seeing is 44, so not far off your ages. I have kids but he doesn’t. We have been dating for 5 and a half months and we just said I love you a few days ago, but the idea of moving him in and then trying for a baby… after just 6 months? Absolutely no way. No way. We’re still getting to know each other, he hasn’t met my kids and won’t for a very very long time. I’ve also never read anything which shows moving a man in would be positive for my kids so made the decision that I won’t ever do that. And it’s something I’m open with when I’m dating someone; moving in isn’t an option until my kids have grown and moved out. So they have to be happy with dating and staying over when my kids are with their dad.

But you’ve moved him in and want to get pregnant. This is a guy you barely know. What are you thinking? Get some help.

Sensible man.. about this anyway. Moving in with someone you barely know when there are children involved is ridiculous and selfish, from both of you.

The opinion on ages-so outdated to say having babies in your 40s is anything short of crazy. It’s 2024.

There's a difference between 40 and 48. If OP herself was 48 everyone would be telling her no chance, going through IVF or whatever immoral. At 48, having not even started, her DP would likely be 50 before baby born. Thats 68 when kid turns 18. Above retirement age. It's not fair on the kid. Looking at my own parents I saw a much bigger difference in them between 60 and 70 than 40 and 50 or 50 and 60. They slowed down a lot more.

Though tbh here its kind of a red herring and the bigger issue is fact they're only together 6 months and wanting to try for baby, though the age of both parties means it's now or never. Had they both been 35, people would have said if it's a dealbreaker leave and find someone else or to leave a couple years and actually get to know eachother.

@NamingConundrum I’m not disputing the 6 month relationship and it being to soon to start talking babies.
however I think the age thing is ridiculous as women are having babies later in life and it’s not old being age 40 and wanting a baby.
Im 46 and half way through pregnancy, naturally conceived. It’s not old 😊

Yanbu to want a baby. He is nub to not want a baby.

From an outsider’s pov you have FIVE kids between you already and only been dating 6 months so it’s mad to be even considering this. I know that biological urges are a bitch and it could be your body’s way of dealing with you approaching menopause but people have to be pragmatic and not a slave to their urges. What are you going to do if you have another child and want another because baby’s siblings are much older and don’t have anybody to grow up with?

This is clearly a wind up and you are all biting.

Congratulations, I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby. It's personally not a choice I would make. I agree 40 wanting a baby isn't old. I think a 50 year old is very capable of looking after a baby! The point for me is that decline between 60 and 70. Teenagers can be a nightmare so, while I'd be perfectly happy with a baby at 50, and I'd be happy with a 15yo at 50, I'm less enthused by a 15yo in my 60's.

The average age of cancer diagnosis is mid-60s. Life expectancy is 80. Aging is a bitch. If OP had a baby and her DH would be 50 by time baby born, statistically there is 50% chance of him seeing his childs 30th birthday and that childs memories as an adult are those of their dad being relatively elderly and possibly even sick or caring for them.

Congratulations! It is old though. I'm 44 and would consider my body too old for the rigours of pregnancy. I'm also too knackered. Good for you if it's worth the risks and impact on you, but it's definitely old to have a baby. There's a reason we start losing fertility at this age.

Sorry but 46 absolutely is old to be having a baby! I wish you the best of luck..!