Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Just had a baby and now I'm pregnant

42 replies

EJayne123 · 12/06/2024 11:43

Hello everyone.
I currently have three daughters
My youngest daughter is now 11 weeks old.

I have recently found out I am pregnant again and I am really happy but really nervous. I did want one more baby was thinking around the 1 year mark but it's happened.

I told my partner of 14 years I want to keep the baby and he basically has told me he doesn't want to and his say should count
I feel very torn as I don't think I can not go through with getting an abortion and I would never forgive him for making me go through that.

He says we would need a bigger car and house and that's why it's a no from him even though It is possible for us to do so.

I just wish he would be happy.

Really stressed as I know they would be close but they would be growing up together.

The only thing I am worried about is the dreaded morning sickness which I have made a gp appointment to help with that.

Has anyone had babies this close?
Or partner not agreed with their choice?

OP posts:
Beautifulbythebay · 12/06/2024 11:45

Tell him he should have used a condom..
If you have an abortion based on his demands the relationship won't survive anyway. Think about what's best for you and the dc. I had dc 13 months together.. Twice... One time planned with no regrets.

RagzRebooted · 12/06/2024 11:47

Mine were 13 months apart. Not intentional (I had a coil fitting booked for the day after I found out!) and I was only 21. It all worked out in the end, but it was a tiring and chaotic few years and I gave up breastfeeding DS1 sooner than planned because I felt I wanted a break before DS2.

Original poster
EJayne123 · 12/06/2024 11:50

I've just read my post back and it didn't make much sense..

I don't think I can go through with an abortion is what that was supposed to say.

I told my mom I was pregnant and she was happy and supportive and he's gone mad at the fact somebody knows.

I know it's going to be hard work indeed but I also know it will be worth it.

Just feel like the relationship is going to be on the rocks if I said my day is final 😔

OP posts:
RedRobyn2021 · 12/06/2024 11:54

Honestly men like this deserve a big slap

It was his choice... not to use a condom

What an absolute dick

Dillydollydingdong · 12/06/2024 11:55

He should have thought of that before having unprotected sex.

RedRobyn2021 · 12/06/2024 11:55

Your say on your own bloody body is final

Wtaf

I'd tell him to get on board or get out

elliejjtiny · 12/06/2024 11:56

My 4th and 5th babies are 12 months apart, now aged 10 and 11. Some stages were brutal, especially when they were both crawling/toddling off in different directions. Soft plays with locked gates were brilliant in those days.

Your partner doesn't get a say as it's your body. If you have an abortion because he tells you to then that will build resentment and you will probably end up splitting up anyway.

Life2Short4Nonsense · 12/06/2024 11:57

This no longer concers his body, therefore he does not get a say.

PurpleBugz · 12/06/2024 12:49

I had that gap and maybe it was because I was younger but I found I much easier than the 7 year gap i went on to have with my last. Going back to sleepless nights having your body ruined all over again and big kids not wanting to do baby safe activities was so much harder than two very similar age I was already waking at night and doing nappies and baby proof house. Worst part was my oldest was just walking as I gave birth so had a new born and a toddler constantly falling over for a few weeks

2mumlife · 12/06/2024 13:14

@EJayne123 Wouldn't be my choice personally, but as you say its happened, and you're both responsible for birth control. I definitely stand that at the end of the day its your body, your choice. But as you're in a long term committed relationship, I'd also give him space to air his feelings. Its not a light decision to have another baby so soon (regardless of how you both feel). Its very easy to dismiss what he wants because its your body, but you do need to consider if this would be a relationship decider for him, and what impact that may have on your decision. End of the day your decision though.

caringcarer · 12/06/2024 13:19

You should tell him he should wear a condom if he didn't want another baby now and have a vasectomy if he doesn't want any more kids ever. He had his chance to choose but chose no condom. Now you get to choose because it's your body. If you are happy to be pregnant again so quickly don't let him pressure you into an abortion. Your relationship wouldn't survive him making you if you didn't want to anyway. Maybe your Mum could support you.

fedupandstuck · 12/06/2024 13:26

His "say" did count, he chose to have sex without using contraception knowing that it can frequently lead to pregnancy. That was his choice. What happens to your body is your choice.

There are ways around nearly all practical problems, children can share bedrooms, cars can be sold and bought, you've got some time to plan for that too. I would listen to his concerns, and think about ways to mitigate, but I would be clear with him that he was already signing up to this possibility when continuing to have unprotected sex.

MadeForThis · 12/06/2024 13:32

The relationship will be over if he forces you to have an abortion that you do not want.

Don't focus on the relationship ending.

Focus on what you want for your future.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 12/06/2024 13:41

EJayne123 · 12/06/2024 11:50

I've just read my post back and it didn't make much sense..

I don't think I can go through with an abortion is what that was supposed to say.

I told my mom I was pregnant and she was happy and supportive and he's gone mad at the fact somebody knows.

I know it's going to be hard work indeed but I also know it will be worth it.

Just feel like the relationship is going to be on the rocks if I said my day is final 😔

He's angry someone else knows because now it'll be harder to guilt you into a termination without someone else judging him. A gap that small will be really hard, but that's your choice to make, he cant force an abortion on you.

As you say, your relationship may be on the rocks, but that isn't as a result of you deciding to have the baby, that's a result of him trying to force a termination on you. It's a shit place to be in as you may be dammed if you have the baby, but dammed if you don't. So make the choice that feels right for you.

stillavid · 12/06/2024 13:42

Totally your body and choice but be prepared to be a single parent if he really doesn't want a fourth child.

OurChristmasMiracle · 12/06/2024 13:48

He’s angry you told your mum? Why? Because then she will know if he pressures you into an abortion. Even if YOU wanted an abortion you have every right to tell your mum so you have support. You clearly want to continue with the pregnancy so you should.

also he should know after 3 kids that unprotected sex=babies 🙄 but guessing he didn’t think of that or the fact that women are even more fertile after having given birth.

Hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and the morning sickness leaves you alone!

ceruleansky · 12/06/2024 13:54

This isn't any kind of suggestion or advice to you but I put myself in your shoes and I think I would take a step back and think about how much a new kid would change.

Is there a lot of financial strain today?
Would there be a lot of financial strain with the addition of a new member?
Do I have plans to support my partner to ease his strain, if any?
Can I provide for n kids without compromising their quality of life?

If I find that the new child would severely impact our lives for the worst, I would probably get some counselling with my partner to decide what's best and might not go ahead with the pregnancy if that's what we feel together. Contraception is both partners responsibility unless one partner refused to use it. Then that person has to take responsibility.

If I feel like having another baby would be the perfect addition to our family and I'm ready to go through all the financial strain, if any, I would just go ahead with it.

Actual advice: maybe go to the root cause of why he reacted that way and let him voice his concerns.

Deebee90 · 12/06/2024 13:55

It’s your say not his. Frankly I can see his side he’s gone from 2kids to 3 and now you’re pregnant again. Kids aren’t cheap. Should have used protection though. I think however if you keep this baby then you’ll lose him.

TheCultureHusks · 12/06/2024 13:58

No his view shouldn’t count. It can’t. That’s just the way it works. The answer is always the same - his choices are his choices at the contraception stage, and that’s it.

Unfair - no, just biology. He isn’t carrying the baby and it’s not his body so no say, at all.

It doesn’t matter anyway though as of course if you gave in to this kind of pressure, the relationship would be over anyway, as you’d never forgive him. So it’s either relationship over and new baby, or relationship over and no baby and possibly major mental trauma for you and its impact on not only you but your other children.

Tell him that and advise him to have a vasectomy.

Do not have a termination you don’t want, not ever.

ByDreamyMintNewt · 12/06/2024 14:59

If you don't want an abortion then do not have one. It will cause you a lot of turmoil and grief.
Give him his time and space that he needs then when he's ready you can talk about his concerns calmly. He deserves to be heard but he also doesn't get to force you into an abortion you don't want.

HcbSS · 12/06/2024 15:04

I think you have to accept that the relationship is over.
Are you able to support two very young children financially and practically by yourself? Is your employment stable? Do you have a lot of RL support?

LakeTiticaca · 12/06/2024 16:24

Dillydollydingdong · 12/06/2024 11:55

He should have thought of that before having unprotected sex.

Contraception is a joint responsibility, he is entitled to have an opinion, you may disagree with his opinion but he is still entitled to it

Likewhatever · 12/06/2024 16:25

If he’s keen on medical intervention why hasn’t he had a vasectomy? If he’s pressing you to terminate, he should have his procedure first.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/06/2024 16:31

LakeTiticaca · 12/06/2024 16:24

Contraception is a joint responsibility, he is entitled to have an opinion, you may disagree with his opinion but he is still entitled to it

Show quote history

If he was adamant about not having another baby so soon then it is his responsibility to use contraception to avoid that, he doesn't get to demand an abortion because he failed to use a condom.

iolaus · 12/06/2024 16:46

In truth, whatever your decision the relationship may be over, if you have a termination which you regret and blame him for then your relationship may be over
If you keep a baby he doesn't want and blames you for your relationship may be over

You have to decide what you want to do for YOU - if the relationship ends (for any reason) you have to live with your decision

My personal take when I was in a similar situation was I didn't think I could live with myself if I went through with a termination, and ultimately - I could live without him, I couldn't live without me. - ultimately he had to make the decision to stay and have another baby, or leave and still have another baby but not be in the house - he decided to stay and once his decision was made that was it (but he did book in for a vasectomy afterwards)

Swipe left for the next trending thread