To not want a baby shower??

[Lunamoon23]

My first pregnancy. I'm early in my pregnancy, 10 weeks. Only closest family and best friend know currently, but my sister who is so so excited for me was jumping at the bit to begin organising and discussing baby shower plans, which I love and appreciate, she's excited for me and it's so kind. To begin with, I was going along with it... but over the last couple of days; it dawned on me. It's not actually something I really want.

I have discussed it with her and voiced my feelings, I don't have an overly close group of friends bar my best friend. The rest are really just here and there friends, can't sometimes go a whole year without meeting, and work colleagues who I do care for dearly.. but, it's just not that deep. I don't have a big family with lots of aunties and cousins and nether does my husband. So it'd of only of been a small affair anyway, but the thought of even spending a afternoon sharing my baby joy and journey with people who I know don't really care (if you know what I mean) just doesn't appeal to me.

I think I only plan to have the one baby. I've never seen myself with several... so part of me thinks am I being a kill joy and should embrace it. Or is it normal to feel like this and should I just stick with my gut feelings on it?
My sister had suggested she'll organise something for me and her and maybe my mum. Spa day or something cute. And I'm sure my work colleagues will want to do something which I don't mind, but I just want low key, like an afternoon tea and home.

I am old and baby showers weren't " a thing. Personally I would say thank you but no thank you and go somewhere with your DSis and DM if that makes you happier. I personally would not enjoy one.

This may amuse you or give you a reason not to have one if you get the Game of Thrones reference

Stick to your gut. I'm 39 weeks now and haven't had a baby shower, despite various friends asking if I wanted one. I'm just not interested, don't like the concept, can't think of anything more cringeworthy than the games and think by and large gifts should wait until the baby has safely arrived.

My work did a little farewell when I finished with a card and some gifts but that's been it.

I didn't have one. Either time. I don't like them. Think they are tacky.

I'm 36 weeks and don't want one and won't have one I actually find them tacky and just an excuse to get people to buy you things I just wouldn't be comfortable with it at all anyone I would Invite would feel
Obligated to buy something just don't agree with it.

It's your choice. I never wanted one either and have never had any, this is my third pregnancy. I don't like them personally so it wasn't for me.

Currently pregnant with my first baby at 39 and didn’t have a baby shower. Not for me. Everyone I know has had one, everyone kept asking when I was having mine but it’s just not what I want. I feel like it’s an excuse to get presents from people and have the attention on you, and that I definitely don’t want. It’s your baby and your choice

One of my friends was thrown a baby shower and went onto have a stillbirth at 39 weeks. I'd wait until baby has safely arrived to celebrate personally

My situation sounds similar to yours and I didn’t have one. Couldn’t think of anything worse.

I had such bad anxiety during my first pregnancy I felt it was tempting fate to celebrate the baby before it was here. I also hate being the centre of attention and really didn't enjoy being pregnant so never had a baby shower.

If you don't want one be vocal about it and stick to your guns, I didn't want a hen do and was press hanged into a whole weekend away in Edinburgh, hated every minute of it and wouldn't be pushed into this as well!

My baby is two days old, I certainly couldn’t think of many things worse than a baby shower. I hate being the centre of attention, and I think they are cringeworthy American rubbish. Stick to what you want.

I didn’t have one with DS and I haven’t with this pregnancy. We didn’t have a gender reveal or anything either (haven’t found out the sex both times), I think it’s more unusual to have one than not have one, at least in my circle.

I'm mid 40s and have never been to a baby shower despite having lots of friends and family who have had babies. They are not obligatory and it seems to be a really recent fad.

I would make sure you spend the last few weeks of your pregnancy relaxing and doing what you want to do, not what others want or expect. I got my hair done and went to the cinema lots, batch cooked and caught up with friends individually while I had the chance on mat leave but before baby arrived.

I felt very strongly that I didn’t want a baby shower and asked my sister and closest friends to nip any suggestion from other friends and family in the bud. Don’t be pressured into something you are uncomfortable with.

YANBU. I had a baby last year and didn't have one... I think they are a weird and tacky modern tradition and I felt like it would be bad luck to celebrate before the baby arrived safely.

I'm glad I hear I'm not alone; I did throw one for the best friend for her first, 6 years ago.
And nowadays they seem to be a really big affair with elaborate cakes, balloon displays and mother dressed to the nines and people just seem to invite everyone and anyone they can.
I feel oddly about it, I almost feel like this pregnancy is mine and I don't want to share in it with people who really only pretend to care. I feel like people only really ask about it to seem as though they're interested.. they're really not... They really couldn't care less... and I don't want to entertain that. So I think I'll stick to my guns and not have one. I think I feel better about that.

More than happy if people wish to do something for me outside of a group setting, but I don't want the big get together with people obligated to come and me obligated to mingle.

I totally get it. That's a good way to answer when people ask if you're having one, just say you want to take the chance to catch up with various friends over dinner in a chilled way before baby arrives but not do anything big. There's always so much pressure as a mum from society. It's great to start doing things exactly the way that's right for you and your baby from pregnancy onwards IMO!

Honestly most people don’t want to go either .

its very American . Tradition in this country is gifts after the baby is born .. I just feel stuck with what to do with baby shower and tradition .

Ive had showers for both mine thrown for me despite telling people I didn't want one. On one hand it was lovely that people were so kind to do it for me, but also made me feel a lot of pressure trying to mix my different friendship groups and worrying people weren't getting on. I felt the same for my hen do, and it also reminds me how few friends I have(both timed it was mostly family and then a few friends that don't know eachother) so leaves me feeling quite inadequate!
33 weeks with number 3 and have said from the start no shower, my best friend is throwing a very small sprinkle and not taking no for an answer. It's literally her and my sisters and mum/mil so less pressured but I'm still really nervous but trying to think of the positives in being able to see everyone as it's not often I get to be with them all

It took us a very long time to get pregnant (12 years!) so naturally friends and family are absolutely thrilled and excited for us. My sisters threw me a surprise baby shower which I really did not expect or even think about. It was at my house so no big venue and they just sorted some balloons and a little buffet. If she'd have asked me before hand I'd have said I didn't want it but it was actually a lovely afternoon catching up with friends that dont usually all get together..they don't have to be the big American 'showy' affair.

I loved mine. But I had lots of friends I wanted to celebrate with who were all local.

Afternoon tea sounds fab - I'll come!

If you don't want one then don't have one 🤷 friends and family threw me a surprise one last time and seemed excited to throw me one this time so I've let them get on with it. Made it clear though that it's very much unnecessary to have decorations and I'm literally only bothered about seeing everyone. Yes it is very American but I'm someone who likes an excuse for a party (apart from gender reveal parties, really just can't get on board with them 😂)

Your sister's idea sounds great, I'd definitely be happy with that!

I dislike baby showers. I didn't have one, didn't want one.

What was nice was making a point of going for lunches /dinners/outings/overnight trips with friends before the baby arrived.

I couldn't have been less interested in games and bunting.

Baby showers are an American intrusion, they didn't exist until a couple of decades ago outside the USA. if you don't want one, don't have one.

I don’t particularly want one - I’ve also been the friend who hasn’t gone to anyone else’s (not intentionally - I just don’t prioritise them so feel like nobody should have to prioritise mine).

That being said, this is the first baby on DH’s side of the family for 20 years, and they’re a big family, so they’re throwing a “big baby get together” for the whole family (so not just the women). I don’t mind that because DH will be there too and can make sure I’m not getting over tired or anything, and it feels like they’re using it as a reason to all get together themselves, which I’m not going to stop.

I feel a bit guilty that I’m having a celebration on one side of the family and not my own (not worth inviting mine to the DH family one because my family live hours away and mum always feels uncomfortable around them because they have money) so I might end up doing something like an afternoon tea with my lot.

So after saying I don’t want anything, looks like I’m having two 😂