When did you tell people you were pregnant?

[PlantLight]

I know it’s outdated waiting until the 12 week scan.
weve already had a 7 week viability scan and going to have another one at 19 weeks, so thinking about telling parents after the 10week scan. In the US it seems far more common to tell people earlier, and then have support if the pregnancy doesn’t last.

I wouldn't say it's outdated - pretty much everyone I know has waited until after 12 weeks to tell people. I'm 17 weeks at the moment - told both sets of parents and my sister at 7 weeks after my first scan, told my closest friend at 8 weeks and then waited until nearly 15 weeks to tell anybody else, after we'd had the dating scan and results of the combined screening. It's personal choice, but I wanted to be able to control whether I shared the news of an early loss with people if it happened - I didn't want it to be forced on me by telling people early (I have had a previous loss and was glad that not many people knew I was pregnant before it happened).

I told people straight away. I loved sharing our happiness.

My mum was there when I did a test with DC2. My DH was at work so she knew first.

We had had a loss and I appreciated the support we got .

We told close family (parents, siblings) about a week after we found out, around 6 weeks pregnant and then wider family and friends once we'd had our 12 week scan.

First baby at 6 weeks on Christmas Day.. Partly because exactly a year before I announced our engagement so seemed fitting. Second baby I waited til 12 weeks.

We didn’t tell anyone until a few weeks after the 12 week scan and even then it was only parents.

We didn’t make a big fuss of letting friends know in part because it was during lockdown and we didn’t see most people in person for quite a while.

Third pregnancy, with my other 2 we told our parents around 6 weeks, family at about 10 weeks and everyone else at 12 weeks. This time was quite the surprise so it's taken us a while to feel able to tell people. MIL has known since the day I found out (I am close with her and needed support so told her straight away after husband ofc), told my parents after 8 weeks dating scan, his dad and our siblings at 12 weeks, family and close friends at 18 weeks. We've just announced to everyone else at 28 weeks and it's been really ice keeping it to ourselves for so long. Especially as pregnancy brings down much extra interest and sometimes judgement, it's meant we've really got our heads round it all before other people know

I told everyone almost immediately - I was so excited I couldn't keep it to myself, but also wanted to have support if things didn't work out (thankfully they did)

Parents pretty much as soon as we knew. Other friends as and when it came up. I rarely announced it to anyone, just answered questions honestly. So when I was at a wedding at 10 weeks and a few people asked why I wasn't drinking I couldn't be bothered lying.

Another friend at 8 weeks when I didn't have my usual at our weekly lunch because it was something not recommended.

Never wanted to keep it secret. First pregnancy ended in miscarriage which didn't change my mind about talking about it

We've told our parents and one or two close friends as soon as we found out (basically who we would want tuspport from if anything went wrong), but we're waiting to tell the wider world after the 12 week scan. We know a few people who had scans at 6/7 weeks, saw the heartbeat, and then went on to have a miscarriage a couple of weeks later. So it feels like waiting until the higher risk of miscarriage has passed is the best thing to do for me.

After all the results of the 12 week scan were in with both kids, I would have wanted to deal with it privately if anything had gone wrong (which it had in the past). So I think it's up to you would want to deal with loss or bad news whether you tell people or not. I'm a very private person so I think that's also a factor.

4 weeks, hard to hide when hospitalised with HG

First baby at 11.5 weeks, because it was Christmas Day in lockdown and Boris had just cancelled Christmas dinner 🙄 We wanted to have something to talk about other than moping over not being able to be with family.

I'm 12 weeks tomorrow with my second and haven't told anyone yet. I'm absolutely dying to, but my scan is next week so just need to wait a little longer. I'm really tempted to spill, but my symptoms are so different to last time (which resulted in a healthy baby) that I'm slightly anxious. It's my personal choice that I'd rather not tell people about bad news while I'm going through it.

Told our parents, my sister and my 2 best friends the same weekend that we found, just because I had HG with my 1st and expected it again so I wanted to actually surprise them and not them find out once I'd been admitted into hospital for fluids.

Then everyone else we told at 16 weeks once we'd had a gender scan and things were still looking okay on that scan, and we'd had our blood results back from the dating scan etc at this point too

Is it really outdated? I have been wondering about this lately as some I know who was apparently very anxious was telling everyone at 7 weeks.
Me when I was an anxious pregnant lady with my first didn’t tell the vast majority of people u til after our 20 week scan.

telling people early might be useful if you think you would appreciate their support if the worst happened. Also my experience of waiting was due to multiple miscarriages which maybe people who tell early are lucky enough to not have experienced so they have the confidence I lack 😂

DH's parents found out at 10 weeks. We told our closest friends around then, too.

Everyone else at 33 weeks.

There's no right time, it's up to you, completely. I am not the type of person who would want support if I had a loss - not while I was going through it, at least - so personally I'd wait, but some people would like support, or someone to talk to, or just for everyone to know about the baby, and that's absolutely okay too.

My best friends and two work people (because I had to cancel a work trip due to the location) knew at 5 weeks.

parents at 10, his parents at 12.

I’m now 13 weeks and they’re still pretty much the only people who know. I’ve had multiple losses and I’m not excited so find it really weird sharing this news. I’m sure the rest will know over time!

I'm 9 1/2 weeks. We haven't told any family yet, in part because is a very recent MC in the family which has both made it sensitive, and has also freaked us out a bit so we want the scan first. I have however told my best friend as she called me to say she was pregnant, and it would have been weird at that point not to tell her then call her in a few weeks time and tell her 😂. It's been nice to have someone can to talk to about it though! The bigger issue is not having told work, who are now actively trying to fill up my diary for the end of the year when I know I'm unlikely to be there, and I'm fast running out of lame excuses.

I’m very pro telling early, to take the secrecy and shame out of miscarriage. It’s so hidden, but also so common. I told close family and friends about 7/8 week first pregnancy and then had MC at 11 weeks - it actually made it easier to tell them and I appreciate their support: I couldn’t imagine keeping it secret. I’m now 17 weeks and I told early again, including my work as I needed sick leave and wanted to be honest.

I told DM and MIL at ~28 weeks. I told my manager at about 14 weeks and then no-one else until 30 weeks. I absolutely hated being asked about the pregnancy and would have found it dull and intrusive to have that for 9 months. I did a lots of sports right up to my due date and this also helped to minimise unwanted criticism.

We're waiting until after 12 weeks and then we'll tell family.

Nothing to do with any "shame" about miscarriage, but I don't want all the fuss and fluffing that will inevitably happen. My MIL is a "bump-toucher" and her possesive behaviour towards my SIL was awful when she was pregnant. I'm also not enjoying pregnancy, which is definitely playing it part. It's hard to be excited when I feel like death warmed up most of the time.

Friends we will just tell as and when we see them, but there will be no formal announcement. Likewise, work I'll wait until I'm showing too much not too.

I suppose it's a personal choice on how you would potentially want to deal with anything that isn't a 100% healthy pregnancy. Would you want support or rather not have to tell anyone anything? I know no one wants to think that in the moment but it's probably the main consideration.

Additionally having had a friends have a perfect 12week scan and go on to have terrible news at a 16week scan it's shown me that whilst there are markers of 'safety' they are not a guarantee.

I'd say share news when it feels right and comfortable for you and your partner

my sister at 5 weeks because i needed someone (aside from my partner) to know; other immediate family at 12 weeks and close friends at 16 weeks (when we had an additional scan). i'm 18 weeks now and lots of people still don't know (including my work)! i don't think there's a right or wrong answer, it's down to you and your pregnancy and your relationships

I waited till after my 12 week scan to tell family having had a previous loss . Purely because I know this might sound silly but I know my mum would take it very hard if anything happened and I don't want to deal with anyone else's grief as well as my own if I MC again. Thankfully I didn't but I ended up having to tell work quiet early around 6 weeks as I was pretty sick and had to be signed off for a couple Of weeks . I don't think there is a right or a wrong time to tell people whatever you are comfortable with. One or two friends knew my first pregnancy and when I MC it was nice having someone in the know for support.

I think you are being quite judgemental suggesting that a choice not to tell people early in case of miscarriage is about "secrecy and shame" - it's a poor choice of words. For me it's nothing to do with either of those things, and everything to do with having a choice over who I tell and when/how I tell them if something has gone wrong. If lots of people know early, then all of those people have to be told at some point about the loss - I would have found that an incredibly painful experience had I had to do that when I suffered my miscarriage a few months ago. By not being obliged to tell people, I was able to tell those who I wanted to know in a way that felt more comfortable for me, at a time of my choosing.