When did you tell people you were pregnant?

[PlantLight]

I know it’s outdated waiting until the 12 week scan.
weve already had a 7 week viability scan and going to have another one at 19 weeks, so thinking about telling parents after the 10week scan. In the US it seems far more common to tell people earlier, and then have support if the pregnancy doesn’t last.

Previously the only time I’ve got to announce a pregnancy to family was to tell them why I was missing a get together due to a miscarriage.
I think it’s historically in the U.K. 12 weeks the GP wanted you to miss 3 periods before “confirming” pregnancy and we don’t get our NHS scans until 12week x and that used to be peoples confirmation. Whereas other countries do earlier viability scans.

With my first in lockdown, we told parents at 11 weeks and everyone else between 13-18 weeks.

With this one (13 weeks), our parents and some friends know, but need to tell the rest of the family still.

10 weeks is when we’ll see parents and not for a while after that and want to tell them in person, and we’d have had our viability and 10 week, just not the NHS so feels wrong somehow. That it’s expected to wait until 12weeks. I’m ND so find breaking rules and conventions hard!

I wouldn't say it's 12 weeks, I'd say it's don't tell anyone you also wouldn't mind knowing about a loss if god forbid anything happened.

Work knew at 8 weeks due to safety. Told parents/siblings around 10 weeks. Wider family around 16 weeks, alongside most friends and colleagues closest to me as they could help with the safety issues. One friend knew before parents as they came over and told me they were pregnant the day after a 10 week private scan and they could tell something was up. After that it was pretty much when I saw people. Some found out after I'd given birth 😅. I had a tough pregnancy with lots of bleeding, complications, hospital visits. I didn't trust I'd meet my baby until I heard him cry at birth so I was really protective while pregnant.

We waited until 13 weeks. We’d been through years of infertility and ivf before a very unexpected natural pregnancy. So glad that I waited, I’d had scans at 6 and 7 weeks, but presenting my mum with that 12wk scan that actually looks like a baby was a moment I will never forget.

First pregnancy 12 weeks

Second pregnancy miscarried at 7 weeks so never told

Third pregnancy 12 weeks miscarried at 17 weeks

Fourth pregnancy 25 weeks as was so worried after previous miscarriages

Historically many people waited until after the first scan which is where the 12 weeks came from, but there's no "rule".

I told my family and best friends as soon as I got a positive pregnancy test, close friends around 8 weeks and most others found out as and when.

We had monthly scans from 6 weeks (non-UK) so felt comfortable sharing the news, not to mention we live overseas and I knew I'd need the support if the pregnancy wasn't viable.

We told both sets of our parents at about 7 weeks as PIL were gearing up to pay for ivf for us and obviously my mum had been aware of everything too , so it felt wrong not to tell them immediately. Plus I was SO EXCITED to finally be pregnant!
Close friends probably around 10-12 weeks.
Everyone else 16 weeks.

After the 12 week scan and when we knew the risk of the trisomies was low (I would have terminated a trisomy pregnancy).

I wouldn't have needed support from family for an early miscarriage and wouldn't have wanted it to be common knowledge, not so much because 1 miscarriage is a big deal but if I'd ended up having repeat miscarriages I would have found it annoying having people wondering about my fertility journey and didn't need that pressure.

We told our closest friends and our parents straight away, other immediate family at 12 weeks and work/ anyone else we see regularly at 20 weeks
It's not that I wouldn't want people to know if I had a miscarriage as much as I wouldn't want to have to explain something already upsetting over and over again.
We also have a pretty extensive family history of heart defects, particularly on my side so getting to the anatomy scan and seeing that their wee heart was developing as should was very important to me.
And mostly I'm just not a big social media announcement type of person I'd rather just tell people when/ if I see them/ talk to them, whenever that happens to be.

I just told people early so it was less fuss. I hated announcing it in any way, in person, over the phone any way. So just doing it by answering questions but being able to caveat it was easier. So "yeah, I'm not drinking because I'm pregnant but it's early days, just 8 weeks so anything could happen" meant the news could get out there without it then having to be a big thing because the conversation was then shut down.

When my first one became a miscarriage I guess a few people must have wondered why they weren't hearing more about the pregnancy and guessed what happened but I didn't feel the need to tell everyone who knew I had been pregnant.

I told family and close friends before 8 weeks. Then everyone else after the 12 weeks scan. I was in a situation where I had to tell work earlier than I perhaps would have wanted to but they ended up being so supportive. My partner though told anyone who would listen immediately 😂

Parents and Close Friends - about 4 weeks in, as I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks last time, so I did this incase I needed support.

Work - around 6 weeks, when my symptoms were starting to kick in, and I was having to take sick leave. Otherwise it would have been very awkward, and led to disciplinary action at work.

I’ll tell everyone else once I’ve had my 12 week scan.

I don't understand the logic of telling people early in case you need support if you lose it? You're allowed to tell people you had a miscarriage even if you didn't tell them you were pregnant! Plus you don't have the stress of having to tell EVERYONE and there's always someone who didnt get the memo and asks how your pregnancy is going!

Anyway congrats op!

I think that argument is usually used the other way round. So unless you know you would definitely want to keep a miscarriage secret and not want support you have no reason to keep it a secret until 12 weeks.

I just told people as and when it came up or when I saw them because I didn't want it to be a big deal so I didn't want to have a specific date I told people after.

I am nearly 7 weeks and have told some friends, and my current boss because she won't be my boss in a couple of weeks as I'm moving job. Won't tell the new job until after 12w I think.

We have a viability scan this week and then are off to DH's parents for the weekend so if all goes well at the scan we'll tell them then and I'll ring my mum. I know a viability scan doesn't guarantee anything but it is a bit reassuring.

After that I don't think I'll specifically tell people but a few friends are already suspicious as we've declined an invite on a ski holiday next year, so I'm sure it'll just come out in due course.

With my first, I told my 2 best friends almost as soon as I found out, my mum at 7 weeks, PILs at 12, and most other friends/work/wider family at about 14w.

I told people around the 10 week mark, no early scans then, only at 18 weeks so just a case of making sure it's properly established, you don't want to be having to sell everyone at work you had an early miscarriage because not all pregnancies are viable and these super sensitive tests available can jump the gun in my opinion.

I told family at 18-20 weeks and everyone else at 33 weeks. I told work at 25 weeks but only because I had to.

Can you tell I had my baby in lock down? Wouldn't get away with that otherwise...

What’s outdated about it? After 12 weeks the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically so that’s when I told people. I didn’t tell the straight away because I didn’t want to get over excited myself in case something happened. Also if I did have a miscarriage I didn’t know how I would feel about it. Would I want everyone knowing and feeling sorry for me? Perhaps not. Maybe I would appreciate others knowing and support me but then I could just tell them about the miscarriage. A friend of mine emailed everyone very early on and then had to email us all about the miscarriage. In subsequent pregnancies she had found this so awful that she didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy until it was unmistakable! I moved away and didn’t know until the birth announcement despite speaking to her regularly.

I found it much easier to tell people I'd had a miscarriage when they already knew I was pregnant - but I didn't tell "everyone" only close family and few friends, so I knew who to tell.

5 weeks, hyperemesis doesn't give you much choice.