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Pregnancy

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Original poster

NCT (or equivalent) - Did it lead to long-term friends for you?

47 replies

PitterPatter3 · 20/04/2024 17:45

My mum met her very best friend through NCT when she had me back in the 80s. They had a great group and I can remember going to reunions until I was well 6 or 7 (not that I quite understood what they were then).

Because of this I suppose I naively assumed I’d have a positive experience of NCT too. Yet the group I had for DC1 was awful - really competitive and not at all supportive. I confess I was quite glad to lose touch with them once people started to go back to work around 10 months and my life was better for it. I’ve heard of quite a few people since who had similar experiences or a group which just never really gelled.

I didn’t bother with DC2, partly cos everything was online due to Covid anyway. I’m now wondering whether to have one last try with DC3 (or would it be odd to do it with a third?)

How was it for you?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

useitorlose · 20/04/2024 17:47

I only had a postnatal group, we first met about 8 months along with similar due dates. There were 6 of us and one of them is my best friend- we met in 1997.

Scottishgirl85 · 20/04/2024 17:53

I wouldn't do NCT for a second time. It's definitely intended for 1st time parents. We kept in touch with our group for years, now children are 9 I really only see 1 of them. But you don't need NCT to make mum friends!

EarthlyNightshade · 20/04/2024 17:59

Almost 18 years on, still in touch with all but one of them.
A couple moved away but the others meet up at least once a year. Huge support during the first 5/6 years, now we are friends but not best friends.
Pure luck, they were all nice people.

CanaryCanary · 20/04/2024 18:01

I think there is an NCT course aimed at people who are not first time parents? Focuses on balancing needs of all kids, and introducing baby to toddler etc.

I don’t think we ever met up with our NCT group after the births, we just hadn’t gelled as a group.

user1567879667589 · 20/04/2024 18:01

No. But it was nice till everyone went back to work! We bump into one another occasionally in Sainsbury’s and it’s lovely to catch up, but not close friends. They were all lovely though.

Pumpkintopf · 20/04/2024 18:06

Yep. 21 years on now and still friends!

TheBirdintheCave · 20/04/2024 18:18

Nope. They were nice enough but ultimately none of us had shared interests so no one stayed in touch.

IlesFlottante · 20/04/2024 18:22

No, as with @TheBirdintheCave the others were nice enough but we were all very different people and the group never bonded. A handful of half hearted baby meet ups but we'd all lost touch by 6 months. I made friends at baby groups and wouldn't especially recommend NCT.

Mayim · 20/04/2024 18:24

No, we had nothing in common and only met once or twice after our children were born. It is always going to be hit and miss as it is a group of strangers from different backgrounds.

I made several friends going to stay and play sessions, though I tried out a few groups before I found people with shared interests.

modgepodge · 20/04/2024 18:26

9 couples in our group. I’m very good friends with one, and two more ended up in the same class at primary school so having not seen them for 3 years or so we are now back in contact and say hi at the school gates, kids go to each others birthday parties and so on. I didn’t have many local friends so for me meeting local people was very valuable.

I wanted to do the refresher course for second time parents second time round but there wasn’t one local to me. Now I’m early on in maternity leave and am slightly missing having friends who don’t work to go for coffee with as obviously most of the people I connected with first time round are working now.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/04/2024 18:31

Nope , I had hopes of great friendships and play dates for the kids but like you mine was competitive, we had one know it all mum - it was all our first baby yet she knew it all!!!

bellocchild · 20/04/2024 18:32

Yes. 7 of us met in 1977 and the 5 of us who are left are in very frequent contact. We still meet up, too - it's harder now we have all moved to different towns, but by no means impossible.

HobnobsChoice · 20/04/2024 18:33

I got booted off my NCT course before it even started. They were apparently over booked and as it was based in the next town over to me they dropped me and my husband to ensure locals could attend. We lived 1 mile from the border but hey ho.
I joined a Mumsnet bus and some of them lived not too far away and we're still in touch 11 years later and meet up a couple of times a year. I also met some great mums via our sure start centre and see them a couple of times a month still.

LimeLime · 20/04/2024 18:50

We met up once or twice but my daughter was the last baby due and a fortnight late so she was a good month or two behind the others and I felt very left out, also I was a young single mum and they were all married and thirty-plus which felt like a lifetime away to me. I wasn't a good fit in an NCT group. Not even in the local post-natal group and was embarrassed to find that the clothes the social worker had given me for DD were from another mum in that group.

AmaryllisChorus · 20/04/2024 18:52

No but we were inner city London and all but one family moved away from the area within two years.

Validus · 20/04/2024 18:59

We never kept in touch and had nothing in common other than a due date window.

They were also very “I don’t want a C-section or drugs‘ while I was ‘I am happy to have the drugs/interventions and to be in a hospital’. I take the view that getting the kid out with all parties health is best. Then we had the kids and I ended up as the only natural birth and non drug/intervention birth amongst the group. They were not happy with that outcome. We were not destined to be friends.

YouveGotAFastCar · 20/04/2024 19:08

Sort of. We’ve had nearly three years of once or twice weekly meets, but it did help a lot that six of eight had their second baby within the same four months or so, which meant they were off on maternity again together.

It’s drifting a bit again now, but I think that’s natural. I was immensely lucky with the group of women I got, and some of the men really got on and still meet up, too. But our lives don’t naturally cross over - it was very circumstantial.

I don’t think I’d do it a second or third time. I’ve known people do prenatal swimming or Mum Club meets to make friends with other people, without needing to take baby lessons again, and I’d probably do that type of thing to find people who would be off at the same time as me. I think the NCT experience would be different if you’re in a group of first-time parents and you are having your third. You’d hope they’d see you as having useful experience but they may find it difficult to relate with you, and be more defensive over what they say to you incase it’s silly, or whatever.

tarheelbaby · 20/04/2024 19:08

Essentially, yes.
My experience has been positive. 4 of the 6 families live in and around the original area. One of the four families lived outside the area and commuted in to the original sessions. The 6th family moved to another city. Four of the 'babies' have all gone to school together at some point. The mummies have remained cordial acquaintances, meeting and re-meeting over the years for various child-related reasons but not any necessarily any closer than deep chats in the car park during the season.
I was also part of a post-natal group and there has been some overlap of those babies, especially for senior school.
All the ladies were nice enough and I am glad I joined NCT for so many reasons. The postnatal sessions were so good for giving focus.

clearmoon · 20/04/2024 19:10

one close friend from antenatal group (not NCT) 30 years on

WhiteLeopard · 20/04/2024 19:13

There were 5 in my group, and we met up regularly for about 18 months / 2 years before we drifted apart.

So not long term friends, but they were amazing in those early days so I would definitely do again if I had my time again.

Dyra · 21/04/2024 01:31

Not really. But then we were a smallish group of 6. We were also an extra group put on due to demand, so came from a bigger area than normal. Plus a pandemic started when the kids were only 5-6 months old. The chat has been dead now for about a year, and the kids are 4 and a half now.

Two moved away, and one never really got involved outside of the WhatsApp chat. Of the 3 of us left, the other 2 became pretty close (probably helped they lived near to each other). Their sons go to the same nursery, and last I heard were expected to go to the same school too. I was casual friends with one of them, and we'd meet up every few months. But that's fizzled out in the past year. Most of us have had a second child as well which made it more difficult.

I considered NCT for my second, but they didn't run the refresher course in my area. It was all still online at the time as well, so I didn't bother.

anicecuppateaa · 21/04/2024 04:17

Yes. Did NCT twice in different areass, second time was purely to meet people.

First group, all but one still in touch 7 years later. 4 of us meet for dinner regularly. One moved away but we stay in touch/ meet once a year.

Second group, all still in touch and meet weekly.

CaptivePeanut · 21/04/2024 05:06

I didn't do NCT with either of mine. I found meeting other mums organically at baby groups or nursery worked for me.
Your probably also find that most of the mums at NCT are first timers and are not at the same stage as you so naturally you may not bond because of that.

Iggleoggledaffy · 21/04/2024 06:00

We had weekly catch ups for most of us during maternity leave but 12 years later we’re not in touch.

I know two people who were part of “life long” groups - and there’s a mob in my younger child’s year who still hang out together at school pick up.

during my subsequent maternity leaves I did go to a breastfeeding group and said “does anyone want to meet at park x on a Tuesday” and did that quite a bit.

Blueuggboots · 21/04/2024 15:48

I couldn't have done without them for the first year, but after that, it fell apart and I cut off contact with them all.

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