NCT (or equivalent) - Did it lead to long-term friends for you?

[PitterPatter3]

My mum met her very best friend through NCT when she had me back in the 80s. They had a great group and I can remember going to reunions until I was well 6 or 7 (not that I quite understood what they were then).

Because of this I suppose I naively assumed I’d have a positive experience of NCT too. Yet the group I had for DC1 was awful - really competitive and not at all supportive. I confess I was quite glad to lose touch with them once people started to go back to work around 10 months and my life was better for it. I’ve heard of quite a few people since who had similar experiences or a group which just never really gelled.

I didn’t bother with DC2, partly cos everything was online due to Covid anyway. I’m now wondering whether to have one last try with DC3 (or would it be odd to do it with a third?)

How was it for you?

I had such a bad experience with NCT. Never again.

Their teaching is so basic, its pointless. The people in my group were like the sterotype of NCT mums (not all will be like it before everyone jumps on me). A little bit clueless, lacking any common sense and super competitive and clinquey. I left the group chat at about 6 months and never looked back. It may be for some, but I am NOT one of them and i wouldn't want to be! Its just not who I am. I realised later part of my issue with such a group was me (issues with socialising), but also a few of them really just weren't very nice people.

I'd never do it with a third. It will be full of first time parents who are a little bit clueless like most first time parents are. You won't fit in with a third. It would be a weird dynamic.

If you want friends there are better places to find them. If you want to meet NCT mums NCT still do free walk and talks in alot of places. Or breastfeeding cafes.

No. We met regularly through mat leave but we're running out of things to talk about by the 6 month mark. I also found the meet ups just made me feel worse as all their babies slept like angels while mine cried inconsolably. We went to each others' babies 1st birthday parties then haven't seen each other since.

No, we just never gelled as a group. We met up a bit during the first 6-8 months but then we generally went back to work and it was Zone 2 London, we moved away ourselves within 2 years. We did the second time around course in our new area but again we really had nothing in common except due dates. The parent friends we've made that have lasted are the parents of DCs' friends.

We went to ante natal classes because I just assumed that everyone did. It was such a waste of time and I didn't keep in touch with the other people. Even 30 years ago there was so much information available that it really wasn't necessary and the only thing I remember being told that I hadn't thought of was to pack lots of disposable straws in my hospital bag and to make sandwiches for my husband. I remember the look of surprise on the midwife's face when I was unpacking my bag and pulled out dozens of straws😆😆😆. Any when my husband got his sandwiches out when I was in labour, I grabbed them and ate the lot 😆

Not for me. The antenatal group I was in was made up of leftovers from across the city, which made it a pain to meet up, and we didn't have a lot in common anyway. I transferred to a more local group afterwards, but didn't really gel with them either. Maybe I just don't have a lot in common with most people .

Haha, yes this too, I had a grumbly crying baby. And at 6 months or so we all went back to work, and/or moved to bigger houses, so options for meetups were much reduced.

No. None of us much liked one another. We drifted virtually immediately.

I was only in a group of 4 when I had my first DC. All our due dates were within 2 days of each other. The other 3 all had their babies on their due dates and mine was almost 2 weeks overdue.

We met up once just before the Christmas the babies were born (they were autumn babies), and not seen each other again since. Don't think I'd recognise any of them as we're now 8 years later.

It was a complete waste of money for me.

I had a really positive experience with my NCT group - perhaps I got lucky! We were all 30’s and first time parents. Our DC have just turned 2 and we still meet up now and chat weekly. I found the WhatsApp group invaluable once babies were born - it was great having someone to chat to at 3am, and ask Q’s and offer advice to each other going through similar things with same age babies.

I’d do it a second time around for the friends alone 🤞🏻

No- they were nice but it just didn’t really work- of the 5 couples 2 actually moved within 6 months and the others just weren’t my tribe. I did however get intro’d to a woman by a mutual friend who was like “ oh you’re pregnant. My friend Sarah is pregnant. Let’s have lunch” . Sarah and I are now basically besties and we both lost touch with the introducer. Also had a few existing friends who happened to be pregnant around the same time so that may also have been a factor.

I am still close friends with three women I met through the NCT - the friendships are more distant now, because I moved away, but they are still good friends.

Yes! 12 years on and 12 children between us,we still meet up for a laugh and a cry.

Have stayed great friends with one couple, we meet up all together/ with kids and the husbands together and the wives together. The rest have drifted we saw couple others for a couple of years one on which I was happy to no longer meet up with. A friend still has big meet ups with all their group 6 years on so think it is luck of the draw.

On the fringes of the NCT group. I met my wingmum at baby class

No, it was good at the time during maternity leave but then we made less of an effort to meet up once we all went back to work.

I did a second NCT for parents who already have a child or children - I wouldn't recommend it, I gelled with one Mum briefly only because she had a girl the same age as my daughter and we did some play dates but all the others were at different stage of 2nd parenting that it didn't work.

Made lifelong friends in mine. Got very lucky

Made lifelong friends in my first Mat leave with the NCT groups in my area.
Post covid, with ds2, the groups hadn't returned so was a bit rubbish.

I had a baby at the tail end of Covid (early 2021) and did NCT. I’m so glad we did it. Three years on and we’re all still really close (the mums) and talk via WhatsApp on a daily basis. We all go to the birthday parties, have random meet ups, and girls nights out for dinner. We got so lucky with our group.

My brother and his wife had a baby at the end of 2022 and none of their group are in contact now which is a shame.

My group were my close friends for a year . That maternity leave year when actually, the most important thing going on is your baby. They were beginning to drift away after a year, when I went back to work. There was one girl whose dislike of me was very thinly veiled.

The rest of the group are all still friends. I occasionally bump into one or two individuals at teen-related events/activities. On a couple of occasions I have run into all of them out together (once with families, once on a girls night). Once I met a large group of them at a birthday party that ds had been invited to via a different route. One or two nct mums looked suitably embarrassed that they'd dumped me. It still stings a little bit that I wasn't rich/naice/fun/interesting etc enough for them.

I found my tribe on the floors of church halls. My "free" friends are my friends for life.

No, similar to your experience with DC1 it was competitive and unpleasant. I was much younger (mid 20s) and lived in a dingy flat. They were all mid to late 30s in big expensive houses with nurseries etc and it just made me feel crap. It was not a supportive group.
I made the best two friends through a La leche league group held at someone’s house, and a local children’s centre baby group. I stayed friends with them for a good while until we moved away.

Nope!! We actually pulled out of our NCT classes as we found it unbearable. There was one woman who did not stop talking about herself, it was draining. What an absolute waste of money. They don't teach you anything anyway. It's all basics that comes naturally.

You could try a different antenatal class to meet people perhaps - NCT is not all there is? Pregnancy yoga or aquanatal?

I never did NCT classes but did meet people through other things - including a free NCT meetup.
Although I've found that its very hard to stay in touch/meet up with people from maternity leave once everyone is back at work.