Gender ("Sex") Dilemma

[HelpOrHinder]

I had my NHS 20 week scan 2 weeks ago. Everything was thankfully fine with baby and they asked if I wanted to find out the baby's sex, to which I said yes. However baby wasn't playing ball and by the end of the scan, the sonographer basically said "I can't see for certain but because there's no obvious boy bits I'm seeing, I'm going to say girl". This has really annoyed me and I'm still thinking about it all now. Before the scan I wasn't actually bothered as I don't have a preference but now that's been said its eating me alive wanting a definite answer. I'm struggling to actually picture my baby at the moment because I'm too concerned about are they a boy or girl! How can i prepare completely for baby when i could get all the items ready for them to be wrong colour etc. It's silly I know but I really wish the sonographer just said baby's not playing ball so we will just leave it as unknown. Why make an assumption. As you can tell I'm an overthinker anyways and this is just setting me on a spiral.

Would you pay for another scan in these circumstances to get a definite answer now?

If it’s bothering you and you can afford a scan then why not?

I'd just book a private scan!

“How can i prepare completely for baby when i could get all the items ready for them to be wrong colour etc.”

Erm, what? I do understand wanting to know, but the fact that you give this as a reason is ridiculous. I can’t believe people still take this regressive attitude as to certain colours being for boys or for girls.

Tip: in order to not be sexist, get rid of any notions that there is any such thing as a "wrong" colour. Any baby can wear and enjoy any colour and play with any toy when old enough. Girl babies and boy babies look much the same except when you are changing their nappy.

If you are serious writing How can i prepare completely for baby when i could get all the items ready for them to be wrong colour etc then you need to give yourself a serious talking to in order to work out how to parent in a less sexist manner quickly, before your baby arrives.

I'm sorry to offend anyone but the point of my thread is not about sexism or colours. I literally do not care if they are in orange, sky blue, green, pink, black. As I said I am an overthinker and just stating the questions that are running through my mind irrational or not. I'm pretty sure thinking about themes or colours or perhaps wanting to buy a dress or something particularly related to the defined biological sex is going to make me an awful parent. Thank you for your support and labelled assumptions of my parenting based on a thought.

Again, just book a private scan if you still want to know. It isnt a big deal.

Book a private scan if you can. @YireosDodeAver I didn’t dress my son in pink, bows or dresses for obvious reasons. She doesn’t need to give herself a serious talking to just because she doesn’t want to dress her child gender neutral as that’s a personal choice. So sick of this woke gender rubbish. If that’s something you want to subscribe to then do it but keep it to yourself stop expecting others to do the same. I’m off to buy my son some cars & trucks :) hopefully he won’t be too damaged by my utterly sexiest ways.

You realise, @bluebells89 that the “woke gender rubbish” is a direct consequence of people like you believing that certain colours or toys are for certain sexes? That when boys like pink or pick up a bow, idiots who subscribe to the idea that colours are for specific sexes think that is because they are actually girls, rather than just accepting that colours and toys are genuinely gender neutral?

I really don't have the stance of boys wear blue, they play with cars. Girls wear pink and play with dolls. It was generally just the (yes, irrational) panic thought of oh gosh everyone is going to end up buying browns or beige or white or really bland unisex colours as gifts etc. Clothing colours etc are obviously the last thing on my mind. I would just like to atleast be able to pick a name for my baby and begin to provide them with an identity that i can feel a strong attachment to as a person before they are actually here, if that makes sense.

I think the best would be if you could discount what they said and just treat it as a “don’t know” (because you don’t). Failing that, have another scan.

Just go and get a private scan! No point in getting annoyed at the sonographer now.

Finally. Common sense. I agree 👍

In some trusts/hospitals they do a 33w scan as standard and they'd definitely be able to see the sex by then. That'd give you lots of time still to choose a name, clothes etc.

But as pp have said, just go for a private scan. They're not that expensive in the grand scheme of things, maybe 60 quid and they'll check growth, heartbeat etc too and give you printed photos.

@Hatscarfgloves Oh please 🙄

@HelpOrHinder Dress your baby as you like OP. Don’t listen to the madness.

I was just going to say something similar. Seeing toys or colours as gender-neutral doesn’t force an identity on to your child as you seem to be implying. It certainly doesn’t pretend that bio sex is a fiction, unlike the TRAs. What it does do is free them up to play with what they like, express their personalities, talents, likes and dislikes and gives the message that there are many ways to be male or female. I’m so thankful to my parents and family who happily let me climb trees, cut my hair short as I wanted and wear shorts, etc. It has given me a strong sense of self and self-confidence. Today I’d be told I was trans
or enby, which is nonsense. I’m just a vanilla female who has never been interested in traditionally feminine pursuits.

I was born in the 70s and appear to have been dressed entirely in brown, yellow and orange until I could make my own choices. Made my first concrete with my dad aged 3 and was doing car maintenance (oil changes, spark plugs, bulbs, brake pads) from 6. Bought a house at 19 and rewired it myself.

Have a husband that has done 50% of the domestic chores and child care since day dot. Might be a coincidence that I didn’t grow up with the limitations of gender stereotypes. but it probably isn’t.

As long as clothes are comfortable and practical, there's nothing wrong with gendered colours.

Gendered toys are a big problem because the stereotypical boys' toys are often more stimulating and better for development (eg toy tractor with moving parts vs doll).

But nothing inherently wrong with dressing girls in pink and boys in blue. People get worked up about it because they think the two go together but (eg) among the families I know, they really don't.

At dd's nursery most of the girls wear pink but they're still riding the trikes, playing with mobilo, building towers, mixing potions etc just as much as the boys. And the boys are in their boy clothes but still changing dollies' nappies.

Op, you go ahead and buy gendered coloured onesies. People who get worked up about colours have lost focus on the stuff that actually matters

Oh OP, your thread is actually about your desire to visualise your baby and to know whether they are male or female. You mentioning colour was just a short hand I believe, about wondering who they are, not a sign of sexism. And yet posters are relishing jumping in with their virtue signalling.

Let them splash around in their glorious virtue - ignore. And book a private scan if you can.

I had a private gender scan when I was 14 weeks pregnant with my son and I do feel that it helped me to bond with him. I didn’t mind at all if I was having a boy or a girl but like you say I wanted to name my child and feel like he had an identity before he was born. I didn’t want to be calling the baby “it” the whole pregnancy. That’s just me though and if you’d prefer to leave it a surprise there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if not knowing is bothering you I would get a private scan.

Have a look at the pictures/slogans on those pink and blue clothes.

I mean this is ridiculous . It’s so narrow minded. I don’t know my baby’s sex, I’m perfectly well prepared. But get a scan if it bothers you. And have a think about how to raise your kid that doesn’t involve us regressive gender stereotypes

my baby’s sex is so unimportant. They are a unique person. Linking their identity to sex when they’re not even born is so damaging

Just. It neutral stuff then go out when baby is here. We didn't find out what we were having and just bought white. Problem solved. A baby wether it's a boy or a girl will need the same things.

I’m not finding out. Bit against the trend these days but I just don’t care and all I want is a healthy baby so I’m keeping a surprise. I’m only in 2nd trimester but having a nose around window shopping and there’s so much about in neutral colours I don’t think I’ll have any issues getting lovely bits and pieces for before baby….and then an extra excuse to go shopping after baby!