Pregnant with a new partner need some advice

[Shay281]

I had three children from a previous relationship their ages are 12/13/14 we split up a long long time ago

He moved on now has two other children one been 7 years and one been 7 months

He sees my three here and there
My three haven't told him I'm pregnant
I don't think it's his business
I'm due next week and next week he's supposed to be having my three for a day or two to celebrate Eid but I need them back asap for school tooo
And he keeps asking me if he can take my youngest daughter 12 to turkey in June during school it's putting alot of stress onto me I tried to explain I don't need stress right now
Honestly things are not going good at the moment everything seems to be going wrong

I've said no about turkey as I'm feel very uncomfortable with that and going during school and a week and a half

And i don't know how to just tell him I'm pregnant I don't need to do I?

He didn't tell me when he was expecting ?

He just at the moment is calling me about my youngest daughter stressing me out
The last thing I need really

Any advice please

Those two things are not related.
You seem to be getting yourself into a spin.

No don't tell him your pregnant. End of. Don't need to revist that.

Just text him.
I don't consent to the holiday. I won't be discussing it further.

Put your phone on silent and ignore everything.
Done.

Yeah I've tired to ignore him

For a week
And he's called my oldest daughter
Going on and on

In due Sunday next week
Kids should be going two days during next week

It has nothing to do with him
He's asking why am I gonna be at hospital I said I just have a lot going on

My cat got killed a week ago too
Everything is just a lot
He's just not taking no for an answer

Should each of you update the other parent about anything that could have a major impact on your shared children’s mental wellbeing? Absolutely. That update should have happened around the time the children were told about the pregnancy. Presumably instead the children ended up with the task of sharing your news.

should the children miss school to travel? Not without a compelling reason. So just say no and suggest available dates during school breaks

My children are 12/13/14 they haven't been bothered to tell him I'm pregnant maybe due to past actions I do not know

My pregnancy isn't with him he knows I have a boyfriend and have moved on

Regarding his younger child he didn't call me to tell me

He called the children to tell them
My children have known since I found out

And school I don't agree with taking her out for a week and a half

One he can never keep them in contact when they visit Birmingham uk for a few days so what's a week and a half to another country possibly no contact

So you can see me worry's

You don't have to tell him you're having a baby imminently but it has a direct effect on your older children. It's putting a lot of pressure on them not to share this news when they should be excited. What happens if you have to stay in hospital?

And a trip abroad for a holiday in term time is a hard No. It's non negotiable. Do you have the passports?

Good luck with your new baby

Again you're getting yourself worked up.
Tell her to ignore him.
And you do the same.

So again ignore hin.

That's shit, but you're mixing all the issues together.

No he's not. So ignore him.

It does affect his children so he does have a right to know, if either of you keep on having children the other should be told as it is to do with the children that are born

It isn't bothering my children for him not to know

Just need peace the last week but instead he's doing my head in
Not sure if he knew I was pregnant he would still be going on when I've said no

Apparently I'm using excuses
And such and such

No I haven't got my two youngest me passports yet 12/13 my oldest 14 needs hers renewed and it wasn't all three he wants to take it was only my 12 year old with his other two children and his girl friend. He wanted to add her on which suggests she wasn't apart if the plan or begin with so it's unnecessary stress for me

As my children have never left the UK before neither have I,

I plan end of the year to take them together and experience something like that

But I'm just tired at the moment feels like everything is overwhelming

Thankyou so much xx

Yeah I understand
I have a lot going on with a week left to have a new baby

He didn't tell me about any children he's had

He give my children the news

His children with his girlfriend I wouldn't need to tell

As my children hardly mix with them and he only bothers when he wants too

Isn't it odd he only wants to take one child? That alone would be a no from me.

Are your other children boys?

He's taking his two with her and his girlfriend

And one of mine apparently can't afford all three

Now I said no for my youngest he's asking about my son who's 13 it's applies to him tooo

School and when they visit dad and nan and stuff they hardly stay in contact with me so imagine another country

I have a girl aged 14
A boy aged 13
Another girl aged 12

@Shay281 I appreciate this is stressing you out a lot but to be honest I really don't get all the secrecy. Particularly if you think he would back off a lot if he knew you were expecting.

I don't fully agree that it's not his business either. As previous posters have said, this is an important event in his children's lives. I have an almost 14yr old step-daughter and she adores her little brother (my son who is just 3) and is excited we have another on the way, but she has also had some moments of needing reassurance about her place in things and the fact she is still a key part of the family etc. I can't see what harm it would do to say to him, "just a heads up but the kids have a new baby brother/sister on the way".

Aside from it being a bad idea to take kids out of school for a holiday, it's also unfair to only take one of them - particularly at a time when they may be a bit more sensitive about their place with a new baby sibling taking up lots of attention. Again, just say, "I'm not happy with any of the kids missing school time for a holiday, and I'm also not happy with you only taking one of them. Either they all go together so during a school holiday, or none of them go".

OP, it might be easier to tell him, just to get it over with. He'll find out sooner or later. Supposing you need a c-section.

I wouldn't allow the holiday though. There is no reason for your dcs to miss school. Why can't they go in the holidays?

Also would one of your children want to go, with only little ones for company. My 12yo would not have chosen that. Is he looking for a free babysitter so he and the girlfriend can go out at night?

Thankyou
Yes I'm defo not happy with the holiday during school or even the contact I don't get when they go to see him

Also so why when he's girl friend was pregnant twice although he called the three kids to tell them
They was expecting a baby sis/ brother

I wasn't told
As it's really none of my business I guess I don't know

His kids with her I wouldn't need to call as I don't know them never met them
And stuff

He really only sees my three when it suits him

My kids obviously have known since day 1 about my pregnancy
They chose not to tell him themselves obviously once baby is here maybe he would find out

I never meet eye to eye with him haven't in the last 9 months

If my kids go to stay there he will pick them up out the back and drop them back of out the back no interaction with me

Past week he's been doing my head in about the holiday during school

It's a nightmare to be honest I say my reasons for them not going and I'm been selfish

So be it anyway

I must also add

I don't or have never had interaction with his children with his girlfriend

There are hers and his kids

He isn't the father to my baby to be
My kids know they are going to be having a new brother

My partner now has a child who's three who will be step brother

Other then my ex husband he's just my three kids dad
I've been split up with him for a long long time

He only bothers with my three when he feels like it

Spent 4 and half years in prison in the past tooo

I've done 14/13/12 years on my own basically

I agree with other posters. Although its non of his business and he made it apparent its non of your business that his girlfriend was pregnant.
It may be best if you tell him you're having a baby very soon and dont need the stress. Your daughter will not be going out of the country during school time.
And she will not be going alone, if he cannot afford to take the rest of the children. She will not be going.
As it seems your daughter will be babysitting his other children, it doesnt sound very convenient.
Regardless of whether this baby is his or not, you may have to tell him as you now have a new responsibility.

If need be get courts involved, go to a solicitor and get a contact wrote out to say your children will not be going on holiday in school time and they will not be going one at a time. They will go altogether during the school holidays.

Exactly during the holidays ! He took my three last year to Skegness I didn't have any issues

School I have issues with to be honest

I haven't been booked for a c section if I'm honest a sweep Tuesday if I take that offer

Don't think I will though
And your not the first person to mention a baby sitter for the younger too either

It's not even just that when they go to his few days during holidays I never hardly hear from them

So abroad I wouldn't prob hear from my child for a week and a half

Yeah courts might be a good idea

Considering just because he's on the birth certificate
Yet I have done and looked after them all these years

He can just get a passport and take them out of school without my consent

Never changed a nappy in his life
Doesn't financially help me at all
I still have never stopped his behaviour in the past towards me and him not bothering hardly to effect him seeing my children

Why have you not put in a CMS claim? If he can afford to go on foreign holidays, he can afford to contribute to their upkeep.

If you tell school about this their safeguarding team will be involved and prevent him from taking the child out of school.
Just mention to them that dad cannot pick them up, dad cannot take them out of school at any time and if he does turn up they need to call you.

Essentially taking them out of school and abroad is a sense of kidnapping especially if you as a co parent hasnt authorised it.

Take the case to a solicitor or take it to court. They will deal with him from there and it will be stipulated that he cannot take them out of school.

I think he does need to know that his children will be having another sibling shortly, and I don’t understand why you don’t want to tell him. He will find out once the baby is born, you may as well tell him now. You don’t want your children to feel they have to hide things. Is that you think he won’t have the DC if he knows what you will be in hospital for?
As for taking only one of your children on holiday, that would be a hard no.
If he had asked all the DC and was willing to pay any fines for them being out of school, and they had phones to keep in contact, I might agree to the holiday as it would be great for them, they’d get more out of it than a week at school, and it doesn’t sound as if any of them are in an exam year. That’s assuming you think he’d actually look after them properly, make sure they keep safe. I suspect that with the younger half siblings, the teenagers might be largely unsupervised, so they’d need to understand safety around water etc. But that’s academic, if he can’t take all of them definitely no.

He hardly contacts me really
Odd times to speak to the kids

I've had my past experiences with him
Not that I won't tell him but how would you go across it
He's never called me and told me he's having a baby with someone else
And like I'll call him and tell him I am
But why I'm just in two minds

The three children know they can tell him if they wanted all these months they hardly see him much
They told me they don't want to and their dad will probably be mad so I haven't bothered myself if it makes sense

In my eyes it's nothing to do with him anyway
Doesn't affect him regardless ? Or am I wrong

And he isn't having the children when Im in hospital they are going to my dads

I was going to make a claim years ago

And he told me he would quit his job

Which would mean I would get prob £30 a month for these three

I've been working and bringing them up since they've been born

Still he doesn't help financially
I'm sure he does with the kids he has and lives with now

My kids come back saying how much his other kids have and stuff yet he hardly gets these things

It's terrible and the fact he thinks it's okay
All these years
My kids don't see anything wrong as they are used to seeing him when he feels like it

My oldest daughter 14 has kind of stopped going when the other two go

I've tried to tell her to go and show her face one to two days it's her dad but it's that age now I guess

I've never stopped them from seeing him

I've had trouble with him been violent towards me in the past
And everything

I don't let that come between them and him
Regardless of him bothering when he feels like it

Sometimes he won't call for months on end

My oldest has brought up the fact her dad doesn't call her often maybe once every two months or more

When he does talk to her he tells her why doesn't she bother with him and so on
Pathetic really he's the adult he should be making the effort

Can't blame a 14 year old to not want to visit someone's who can't even ask them how their week at school or exams have been

It's honestly so annoying