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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant with a new partner need some advice

36 replies

Shay281 · 05/04/2024 00:46

I had three children from a previous relationship their ages are 12/13/14 we split up a long long time ago

He moved on now has two other children one been 7 years and one been 7 months

He sees my three here and there
My three haven't told him I'm pregnant
I don't think it's his business
I'm due next week and next week he's supposed to be having my three for a day or two to celebrate Eid but I need them back asap for school tooo
And he keeps asking me if he can take my youngest daughter 12 to turkey in June during school it's putting alot of stress onto me I tried to explain I don't need stress right now
Honestly things are not going good at the moment everything seems to be going wrong

I've said no about turkey as I'm feel very uncomfortable with that and going during school and a week and a half

And i don't know how to just tell him I'm pregnant I don't need to do I?

He didn't tell me when he was expecting ?

He just at the moment is calling me about my youngest daughter stressing me out
The last thing I need really

Any advice please

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 05/04/2024 09:44

Could you text him? Just something along the lines of “Hi, hope you and little ones are well( that’s to point out that he’s moved on with a new family). Thought I d let you know that I’m expecting a baby next week, I’m sure the kids will tell you all about their new sibling when they see you, they’re very excited! “

Original poster
Shay281 · 05/04/2024 09:48

DelphiniumBlue · 05/04/2024 09:44

Could you text him? Just something along the lines of “Hi, hope you and little ones are well( that’s to point out that he’s moved on with a new family). Thought I d let you know that I’m expecting a baby next week, I’m sure the kids will tell you all about their new sibling when they see you, they’re very excited! “

It's such a weird situation he's so rude
And has been at times

He would probably be rude in his response to me having a baby

I don't even think he spends the week at his home with his other kids

He goes else where

I'll see how things go up until my due date

He wouldn't find out if baby was here anyway. As my kids will not tell him
And I never see eye to eye with him at all
Proves how much he bothers with them really

Waste of space

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 05/04/2024 10:07

I agree with pp that you’re getting yourself stressed out about 2 different situations.

I understand that he didn’t tell you about his children but I feel you’re doing a little tit for tat thing here. Yes he doesn’t need to know but the new baby is going to impact your children’s lives, they might not be overly bothered now but next week will be a big change for them.

I think I would send a simple text, very much like what someone else suggested , wishing him and his family well, then say you’re not sure if your children have mentioned but you’re heavily pregnant and baby due next week. You’re trying to avoid stress so are shutting down the conversation about thr youngest going on holiday, it’s during school time so she won’t be attending. End with the children are looking forward to seeing him and then put your phone on silent.

Sa11yCinnamon · 05/04/2024 10:08

I think it's a bit odd that you didn't tell him when he asked why you'd be in hospital.

I completely get you not wanting to call up and tell him out of the blue, but it does affect the children you have together and if he'll be seeing them around the time you're due, surely it just makes sense for him to know what's going on in case you need to change those arrangements?

To be clear I'm not judging and your focus should be on keeping your stress levels down, I just wonder if keeping it secret might unwittingly add to your stress.

Meadowfinch · 05/04/2024 10:13

OP, teenagers aren't stupid. Your DCs are getting to the age, they see all the work and love you put in to providing them with a decent life, and they see him calling once in a blue moon when he wants to act the great dad. Expecting them to pander to his ego.

They see him for what he is, and at 12. 13 and 14, legally if they don't want to spend time with him, they don't have to. The courts would support their choice.

I salute your resourcefulness.

shieldmaiden7 · 05/04/2024 10:21

I never told my exhusband I was expecting my second with my husband. He found out via Facebook when our daughter shared a post about her younger siblings. We decided not to tell him as this time round he went from having 50/50 custody to seeing the children 3 hours a month so wasn't a huge part of our lives and through my pregnancy with my toddler, I told him early. He repeatedly threw the kids school bags at me on the door step, slam doors in my face and mentally abused me all through my pregnancy. When my toddler was born he ended up in neonatal over Christmas and was really ill, he refused to let the children talk about him at all when he had them on Boxing Day ant his parents. When I got fed up with his abuse and took him through mediation he claimed he never even knew I was pregnant. I didn't want to go through that again.

As for holidays just say no and end off. Why does it only want to take one child?

Congratulations on the pregnancy OP Flowers

Original poster
Shay281 · 05/04/2024 10:22

Hiddenvoice · 05/04/2024 10:07

I agree with pp that you’re getting yourself stressed out about 2 different situations.

I understand that he didn’t tell you about his children but I feel you’re doing a little tit for tat thing here. Yes he doesn’t need to know but the new baby is going to impact your children’s lives, they might not be overly bothered now but next week will be a big change for them.

I think I would send a simple text, very much like what someone else suggested , wishing him and his family well, then say you’re not sure if your children have mentioned but you’re heavily pregnant and baby due next week. You’re trying to avoid stress so are shutting down the conversation about thr youngest going on holiday, it’s during school time so she won’t be attending. End with the children are looking forward to seeing him and then put your phone on silent.

I understand it will impact my children's lives as they live with me 24/7

Where as his kids with his new gf hasn't impacted them
They don't bother as such and hardly bother with him

As if they was living with him then it would be different

Kids are back in school on Monday
Plans already made for them to stay at nans or grandads if I go into labour

I hopefully should be home pretty quick as it's my 4th baby only can pray :)

Other then him

Sons happy to be having a brother rather then all sisters

And daughters are happy too

X

OP posts:
Original poster
Shay281 · 05/04/2024 10:24

Sa11yCinnamon · 05/04/2024 10:08

I think it's a bit odd that you didn't tell him when he asked why you'd be in hospital.

I completely get you not wanting to call up and tell him out of the blue, but it does affect the children you have together and if he'll be seeing them around the time you're due, surely it just makes sense for him to know what's going on in case you need to change those arrangements?

To be clear I'm not judging and your focus should be on keeping your stress levels down, I just wonder if keeping it secret might unwittingly add to your stress.

They are back in school the week I'm due

He also doesn't live in my area he's hour or so away

Usually in Wales so say a few hours

Plans for my hospital is Sunday next week
If not before
But I have my family who help me a lot

And we have arranged everything already regarding this x

OP posts:
Original poster
Shay281 · 05/04/2024 10:26

Meadowfinch · 05/04/2024 10:13

OP, teenagers aren't stupid. Your DCs are getting to the age, they see all the work and love you put in to providing them with a decent life, and they see him calling once in a blue moon when he wants to act the great dad. Expecting them to pander to his ego.

They see him for what he is, and at 12. 13 and 14, legally if they don't want to spend time with him, they don't have to. The courts would support their choice.

I salute your resourcefulness.

Yes I'm looking into courts once and for all

So I'm not stressing about everything
I'm the one who's done all the hard work been there from day one

I've never been in and out there lives
And so on

Hopefully soon will be back on track

Regarding holiday in June I've stated no and my reasons

Yet he says if it was me who wanted to take them he would be all for it

Anyway
Will see how things go x

OP posts:
Original poster
Shay281 · 05/04/2024 10:42

shieldmaiden7 · 05/04/2024 10:21

I never told my exhusband I was expecting my second with my husband. He found out via Facebook when our daughter shared a post about her younger siblings. We decided not to tell him as this time round he went from having 50/50 custody to seeing the children 3 hours a month so wasn't a huge part of our lives and through my pregnancy with my toddler, I told him early. He repeatedly threw the kids school bags at me on the door step, slam doors in my face and mentally abused me all through my pregnancy. When my toddler was born he ended up in neonatal over Christmas and was really ill, he refused to let the children talk about him at all when he had them on Boxing Day ant his parents. When I got fed up with his abuse and took him through mediation he claimed he never even knew I was pregnant. I didn't want to go through that again.

As for holidays just say no and end off. Why does it only want to take one child?

Congratulations on the pregnancy OP Flowers

Sorry you went through that

And technically he's taking three

His two with her and one of mine

Leaving two

I've said no i don't feel comfortable with it really
And also school and so on

Yesterday he called and said if he can take our son instead

Honestly got to much going on to be thinking about any of my children going abroad for a week and a half and the stress and overthinking Ill have. Thankyou xx

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 05/04/2024 14:04

Just because he is a poor parent doesn’t mean you have to match him. He should have told you he was having another child so that you were ready to support your children when they found out the news. All he needed to do was send you a text or email letting you know he would be telling the children soon.

I also would suspect he wants your daughter to travel as babysitter. So definitely would not allow that. See also any sudden requests for lengthy visits during school holidays when he didn’t want them before.

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