Dads and Ante-natal Scans

[Tom]

I wondered if I could tap into people's experiences of this one: We are lobbying the DTI to give expectant fathers the right to have time off work to attend ante-natal scans; the 12 week dating one, the 18 week abnormality scan and any subsequent ones (usually only done if an abnormality has been discovered).

We think that these scans are really important for expectant dads - while mum-to-be has been going through 12 weeks of physical changes, the scan is often the first time a dad-to-be really feels the "reality" of the pregnancy and impending parenthood. For me, it was an increadibly powerful experience that really drew me into the preparation for parenthood and supporting my wife. The 18 week scan was amazing, because the foetus looked so much more like a baby. They discovered a problem, and I'm glad I was around to support my wife, who was quite shaken by it. We had a few more to investigate the potential problem, and I'm very glad I was there - they were anxious times. I think we should get the right to have a couple fo hours off to attend these scans - what do others think?

What are other people's experiences - what impact did the scan have on dad-to-be?

cLAIRISE - SO SORRY TO HEAR YOU'RE WORRIED ETC. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT MY LITTLE GIRL HAS DOWNS AND SHE IS TRULY THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. (whoops sorry about caps!). If someone (??GOD???) said that they would take away the extra chromosome and leave me a baby without DS I'd tell him to leave her alone and not change a thing about her. She's magical Clarise and brings everyone SO much joy. Becasue she's special and has worked a bit harder to get things achieved and becuase she is always so happy, kisses strangers, lifts her arms for strangers to hug her, laughs all the time, ohh she's truly an amazing little girl, I'm not just saying that. If you like I can send a picture of her to you, just ask Mumsnet to give me an email address for you and then you can see the sparkle in her eye and she how pretty she is and it might make you feel a bit better. It's horrid to be scared during your pregancy. I was really worried about harelips for some reason! Anyway, I just wanted to try and help you not be so worried. Special needs children may need a bit more input now and agian in certain areas but you get it all back and some! Good luck and feel free to email me for pictures or chat to me on the special needs section if you have any questions.
Lots of love - xx

Just wanted to refer back to the initial issue raised... my dh was able to have time off for each of my scans - had an unusual amount. One at 7 weeks, usual 12 week scan - 2 at 20 weeks where they picked up a very serious heart defect. I could not imagine having gone through that stage without my husband. We then had two fetal cardiac scans and further anomaly scans at 22 and about 26 weeks - again my dh was able to attend.

The cardiac scans identified exactly what her heart defect was. Again attending by myself would have meant driving over an hour into London alone and then home again after having been told about my daughter's heart defect. He also attended further scans that were given to monitor her growth.

Luckily he did as what was to be the second to last resulted in my daughter being born less than two hours later. I could not imagine having to call him at work and ask him to come to the hospital as I was about to have an emergency caesarean. At that time we lived a fair way from his work and he may not have even made it to the hospital in time to be with me through that. Our daughter was then rushed to SCBU. So to answer your original question Tom - I think it is imperative that dads/support person is able to attend the scans.

To the further issue that was raised re nuchal fold scans etc. When the fetal cardiologist identified what my daughter's heart defect was he also informed us that it was very common for children with that heart condition to also have Down's syndrome. He offered me an amnio - which we refused - what was the point of the stress and very invasive medical testing if I was going to keep the baby anyway. They did offer us further anamoly scans which did show 'soft' markers of Down's syndrome. I did not have the triple test ( as it was then) as it only had a 42% sucess rate and I figured those odds were not get enough for me.

My dd was born just over a year ago with her heart defect and YES with Down's syndrome. At 8 weeks old - she underwent open heart surgery twice and sufered subsequent complications that meant returning to ICU twice. Having faced that and the othe issues we have faced so far - there is no way I have regretted the decision to have my daughter and while sometimes it has been tough - the joy and blessing she brings to our lives are immeasurable.

Sorry Tom- I was more into answering Clarisa's note than looking at the original post - too bloody right dad's should be there. My DP was there for all of min and like you say it was what made it 'real' for him. I could feel the baby move all the time but he only got to feel that now and then. seeing my belly getting bigger made it kind of real sure but there is nothing like seeing the baby with your own eyes inside your partner. It's vital that it's something you share together. To be my partner being at the scans was as important as being at the birth.