Feeling anxious about baby #2

[mrspixie1]

I just need somewhere to put all my thoughts out. Just recently got BFP and likely will be due end of Nov. We have a 4.5y DD and were one and done for a while following not so nice pregnancy and pretty traumatic birth. We also found parenting tough and adjusting to this new life but last year I started getting broody and thinking I could have another, DH needed convincing and we started trying around sept/oct last year but were not having luck so sort of thought maybe we were one and done and stopped trying (we fell pregnant very easily first time) and fast forward to now I am feeling so scared and anxious of going through it all again and adjusting to life with 2, I have thought about terminating but just can’t bring myself to and I just honestly feel so confused as to why I am feeling this way when I did want another child. Anyone else felt this way and everything turned out alright or the opposite and they regretted the second, is that even possible to regret a child. I feel all over the place.

I don't know a single woman who, once pregnant with number two didn't freak out a bit. Some early in the pregnancy, mine was nearer the end. So many more things to consider when you have one already. Money, space, lifestyle. I got really really anxious about not loving the second as much as the first - cried about it a lot. I also was scared for labour after having a horrible first one.
Honestly, it WILL be fine. You love them just as much (my first felt like a dangerous giant the next day) and labour was easier because I knew what I wanted/didn't want.
Take a breath, this baby will add you your family. Not take anything way.

Thank you so much, glad to know that I am not alone in my feelings as most women I have spoken to or know seem to be so excited and I feel petrified. Totally feel the same re not loving them as much, our DD is our world and I feel guilty for breaking up our routine as a trio. Thank you for the last bit, really good way to put it!

I felt the exact same. Really similar circumstances and age gap too, but had a major "oh fuck, what have we done" wobble once I got that positive. If I'm honest, I had a few in the first trimester, but I am so happy now he is here! The age gap is perfect, as you get one on one time with the baby whilst the older one is at school, and seeing them together is just so lovely, my older child tries so hard to be considerate and helpful.

I think a lot of people feel the same way. It's just not often discussed openly.

How are you feeling now OP?

I'm experiencing how your feeling at the moment and I could have written your post myself, it's really knocked me back.

hi there, honestly I have not been feeling great. Sorry to hear you are feeling anxious too! My first trimester symptoms have really kicked in and are making me a miserable cow. All I can bear to do is lie down and sleep. I still really feel unsure about this pregnancy but don’t know if I need to put that down to hormones and hope that it will pass.

@mrspixie1 Oh I'm sorry you're still feeling mixed emotions. I opened up to my mum yesterday after a really rough day and that has helped me gain some perspective.

Have you spoken to your midwife about it?

No not to anyone professional. Glad you were able to speak to someone you trust. I have also opened up to my mum and it’s been good to have someone to talk to. I also recently told DD as she was seeing me be so ill and actually that helped a bit as she got really excited (not what I expected at all) it was lovely to see and made me think about their bond once baby is here x

Hi. I'm 38 +2 with my second and my ds is 5 years 3 months.

I burst in to tears after the positive test - despite the fact we were actively trying as I was worried about the impact on DS. I also didn't want to tell him after our 12 week scan as it was a school day, my husband convinced me and it was amazing as he was so excited.

He constantly talks about his baby brother and is counting down to my due date (although hopefully will be before that! Lol)

I do think it's perfectly normal and probably more so with a slightly bigger gap.

@mrspixie1 I'm glad you've opened up to your mum, it sounds like you have a good support system. My DP was instantly delighted and just kept saying but we've been TTC for a year, he didn't understand why I was so struck with panic so my mum was a good person to talk to.

It's so cute that you've told your DD. We actually spoke about a baby in front out our DD this evening, we didn't realise she was listening and she started jumping about excited but we don't want to tell her for a few weeks.

I feel in a much better place today and I'm extremely aware of the blessing it is for us x

That's reassuring 😊 the best of luck with the last few weeks of pregnancy, I bet your just desperate to meet your new addition.

So desperate! Had my first at 38 +1 so feeling hard done by this time lol

X

Thank you for sharing that! I think once baby is here all our fears and worries will melt away. I find comfort in that I now have experience and kind of know what I am doing. But since it’s been a while it does all feel new again and we are used to our lives. But like you I knew I wanted another just didn't quite expect it to happen. Good luck in your last few weeks and wishing you a smooth labour and recovery xx

Glad you are feeling better! I think it will take some time but we’ll get round to it. I am glad I opened this thread and its nice to know I am not alone in my worries. I hope your first trimester isn’t too rough xx

As much as it can be daunting, at least with a second you're more experienced and I found that really comforting, I don't need to learn or become a mum because I am one and that will help me with the second. And as much as pregnancy and baby years are never always smooth sailing, your daughter will have a sibling for life and it sounds like she's super excited for that!
I always think of the quote "this too shall pass," first trimester symptoms, tiredness, sleepless nights with a baby etc, it doesn't last forever and before you know it you'll be looking back and feeling like where has all that time gone ❤️

thank you so much, so lovely reading this <3 Definitely coming round to it more and more each day!