Feeling anxious about baby #2

mrspixie1 · 2024-03-21T19:03:37+00:00

I just need somewhere to put all my thoughts out. Just recently got BFP and likely will be due end of Nov. We have a 4.5y DD and were one and done for a while following not so nice pregnancy and pretty traumatic birth. We also found parenting tough and adjusting to this new life but last year I started getting broody and thinking I could have another, DH needed convincing and we started trying around sept/oct last year but were not having luck so sort of thought maybe we were one and done and stopped trying (we fell pregnant very easily first time) and fast forward to now I am feeling so scared and anxious of going through it all again and adjusting to life with 2, I have thought about terminating but just can’t bring myself to and I just honestly feel so confused as to why I am feeling this way when I did want another child. Anyone else felt this way and everything turned out alright or the opposite and they regretted the second, is that even possible to regret a child. I feel all over the place.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 21/03/2024 19:24

I don't know a single woman who, once pregnant with number two didn't freak out a bit. Some early in the pregnancy, mine was nearer the end. So many more things to consider when you have one already. Money, space, lifestyle. I got really really anxious about not loving the second as much as the first - cried about it a lot. I also was scared for labour after having a horrible first one.
Honestly, it WILL be fine. You love them just as much (my first felt like a dangerous giant the next day) and labour was easier because I knew what I wanted/didn't want.
Take a breath, this baby will add you your family. Not take anything way.

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 21/03/2024 19:31

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 21/03/2024 19:24

I don't know a single woman who, once pregnant with number two didn't freak out a bit. Some early in the pregnancy, mine was nearer the end. So many more things to consider when you have one already. Money, space, lifestyle. I got really really anxious about not loving the second as much as the first - cried about it a lot. I also was scared for labour after having a horrible first one.
Honestly, it WILL be fine. You love them just as much (my first felt like a dangerous giant the next day) and labour was easier because I knew what I wanted/didn't want.
Take a breath, this baby will add you your family. Not take anything way.

Thank you so much, glad to know that I am not alone in my feelings as most women I have spoken to or know seem to be so excited and I feel petrified. Totally feel the same re not loving them as much, our DD is our world and I feel guilty for breaking up our routine as a trio. Thank you for the last bit, really good way to put it!

OP posts:

AllBlackEverything · 21/03/2024 19:38

I felt the exact same. Really similar circumstances and age gap too, but had a major "oh fuck, what have we done" wobble once I got that positive. If I'm honest, I had a few in the first trimester, but I am so happy now he is here! The age gap is perfect, as you get one on one time with the baby whilst the older one is at school, and seeing them together is just so lovely, my older child tries so hard to be considerate and helpful.

I think a lot of people feel the same way. It's just not often discussed openly.

Bailem · 01/04/2024 10:25

How are you feeling now OP?

I'm experiencing how your feeling at the moment and I could have written your post myself, it's really knocked me back.

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 01/04/2024 19:58

Bailem · 01/04/2024 10:25

How are you feeling now OP?

I'm experiencing how your feeling at the moment and I could have written your post myself, it's really knocked me back.

hi there, honestly I have not been feeling great. Sorry to hear you are feeling anxious too! My first trimester symptoms have really kicked in and are making me a miserable cow. All I can bear to do is lie down and sleep. I still really feel unsure about this pregnancy but don’t know if I need to put that down to hormones and hope that it will pass.

OP posts:

Bailem · 02/04/2024 07:11

@mrspixie1 Oh I'm sorry you're still feeling mixed emotions. I opened up to my mum yesterday after a really rough day and that has helped me gain some perspective.

Have you spoken to your midwife about it?

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 02/04/2024 18:09

Bailem · 02/04/2024 07:11

@mrspixie1 Oh I'm sorry you're still feeling mixed emotions. I opened up to my mum yesterday after a really rough day and that has helped me gain some perspective.

Have you spoken to your midwife about it?

No not to anyone professional. Glad you were able to speak to someone you trust. I have also opened up to my mum and it’s been good to have someone to talk to. I also recently told DD as she was seeing me be so ill and actually that helped a bit as she got really excited (not what I expected at all) it was lovely to see and made me think about their bond once baby is here x

OP posts:

mrsed1987 · 02/04/2024 18:17

Hi. I'm 38 +2 with my second and my ds is 5 years 3 months.

I burst in to tears after the positive test - despite the fact we were actively trying as I was worried about the impact on DS. I also didn't want to tell him after our 12 week scan as it was a school day, my husband convinced me and it was amazing as he was so excited.

He constantly talks about his baby brother and is counting down to my due date (although hopefully will be before that! Lol)

I do think it's perfectly normal and probably more so with a slightly bigger gap.

Bailem · 02/04/2024 20:59

@mrspixie1 I'm glad you've opened up to your mum, it sounds like you have a good support system. My DP was instantly delighted and just kept saying but we've been TTC for a year, he didn't understand why I was so struck with panic so my mum was a good person to talk to.

It's so cute that you've told your DD. We actually spoke about a baby in front out our DD this evening, we didn't realise she was listening and she started jumping about excited but we don't want to tell her for a few weeks.

I feel in a much better place today and I'm extremely aware of the blessing it is for us x

Bailem · 02/04/2024 21:01

mrsed1987 · 02/04/2024 18:17

Hi. I'm 38 +2 with my second and my ds is 5 years 3 months.

I burst in to tears after the positive test - despite the fact we were actively trying as I was worried about the impact on DS. I also didn't want to tell him after our 12 week scan as it was a school day, my husband convinced me and it was amazing as he was so excited.

He constantly talks about his baby brother and is counting down to my due date (although hopefully will be before that! Lol)

I do think it's perfectly normal and probably more so with a slightly bigger gap.

That's reassuring 😊 the best of luck with the last few weeks of pregnancy, I bet your just desperate to meet your new addition.

mrsed1987 · 02/04/2024 21:06

Bailem · 02/04/2024 21:01

That's reassuring 😊 the best of luck with the last few weeks of pregnancy, I bet your just desperate to meet your new addition.

Show quote history

So desperate! Had my first at 38 +1 so feeling hard done by this time lol

X

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 03/04/2024 09:12

mrsed1987 · 02/04/2024 18:17

Hi. I'm 38 +2 with my second and my ds is 5 years 3 months.

I burst in to tears after the positive test - despite the fact we were actively trying as I was worried about the impact on DS. I also didn't want to tell him after our 12 week scan as it was a school day, my husband convinced me and it was amazing as he was so excited.

He constantly talks about his baby brother and is counting down to my due date (although hopefully will be before that! Lol)

I do think it's perfectly normal and probably more so with a slightly bigger gap.

Thank you for sharing that! I think once baby is here all our fears and worries will melt away. I find comfort in that I now have experience and kind of know what I am doing. But since it’s been a while it does all feel new again and we are used to our lives. But like you I knew I wanted another just didn't quite expect it to happen. Good luck in your last few weeks and wishing you a smooth labour and recovery xx

OP posts:

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 03/04/2024 09:14

Bailem · 02/04/2024 20:59

@mrspixie1 I'm glad you've opened up to your mum, it sounds like you have a good support system. My DP was instantly delighted and just kept saying but we've been TTC for a year, he didn't understand why I was so struck with panic so my mum was a good person to talk to.

It's so cute that you've told your DD. We actually spoke about a baby in front out our DD this evening, we didn't realise she was listening and she started jumping about excited but we don't want to tell her for a few weeks.

I feel in a much better place today and I'm extremely aware of the blessing it is for us x

Glad you are feeling better! I think it will take some time but we’ll get round to it. I am glad I opened this thread and its nice to know I am not alone in my worries. I hope your first trimester isn’t too rough xx

OP posts:

Flopsy145 · 03/04/2024 09:56

As much as it can be daunting, at least with a second you're more experienced and I found that really comforting, I don't need to learn or become a mum because I am one and that will help me with the second. And as much as pregnancy and baby years are never always smooth sailing, your daughter will have a sibling for life and it sounds like she's super excited for that!
I always think of the quote "this too shall pass," first trimester symptoms, tiredness, sleepless nights with a baby etc, it doesn't last forever and before you know it you'll be looking back and feeling like where has all that time gone ❤️

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 03/04/2024 17:47

Flopsy145 · 03/04/2024 09:56

As much as it can be daunting, at least with a second you're more experienced and I found that really comforting, I don't need to learn or become a mum because I am one and that will help me with the second. And as much as pregnancy and baby years are never always smooth sailing, your daughter will have a sibling for life and it sounds like she's super excited for that!
I always think of the quote "this too shall pass," first trimester symptoms, tiredness, sleepless nights with a baby etc, it doesn't last forever and before you know it you'll be looking back and feeling like where has all that time gone ❤️

thank you so much, so lovely reading this <3 Definitely coming round to it more and more each day!

OP posts:

HettyMeg · 08/06/2026 11:31

Hi @mrspixie1 sorry to jump on this old thread. I'm in the same position you were, experiencing similar feelings. Just wondering how things panned out?

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 12/06/2026 09:56

HettyMeg · 08/06/2026 11:31

Hi @mrspixie1 sorry to jump on this old thread. I'm in the same position you were, experiencing similar feelings. Just wondering how things panned out?

Hi @HettyMeg sorry to hear that you are feeling the same way. I made it through the hard bit which was just coming to terms with adding another child into the mix. In all honesty I found going from 0 to 1 much harder. My little boy is now 1.5 and the sweetest, funniest, caring child. He has slotted in perfectly and I find myself wondering on some days what was I so worried about but hindsight is a wonderful thing. You wonder how you can love another child as much as your first but you just do - it’s a magical thing and seeing them play together fills your heart in ways you can never have imagined. So trust yourself and believe that it will be ok, you will love this other baby and your beautiful family is just growing.

OP posts:

MNHQ

JesseMumsnet · 15/06/2026 13:15

Hey ladies,

Hope it’s okay to jump in, it's pretty relevant and hopefully will benefit you all.

I work at Mumsnet we're testing a new service called Birth Clubs at the moment: a small group of parents at the same stage in pregnancy or up to 1 year old with professional support on hand when needed to answer any of your questions.

If you'd like to help test it you'll get the following for 6 weeks:

Free access to a nurse or midwife who you can message any time
Free content relevant to your stage, designed by our health team
Free drop in live classes on feeding, sleeping, baby first aid and more!

Might be up your street, no pressure at all. Sign up on this LINK if you're interested. We only have 100 spots.

Hope to chat to some of you there.

Jesse x

HettyMeg · 17/06/2026 08:59

mrspixie1 · 12/06/2026 09:56

Hi @HettyMeg sorry to hear that you are feeling the same way. I made it through the hard bit which was just coming to terms with adding another child into the mix. In all honesty I found going from 0 to 1 much harder. My little boy is now 1.5 and the sweetest, funniest, caring child. He has slotted in perfectly and I find myself wondering on some days what was I so worried about but hindsight is a wonderful thing. You wonder how you can love another child as much as your first but you just do - it’s a magical thing and seeing them play together fills your heart in ways you can never have imagined. So trust yourself and believe that it will be ok, you will love this other baby and your beautiful family is just growing.

Show quote history

Thank you so much, it's lovely to hear about your little family playing together, and reassuring that the initial doubts faded away. I think for me it's a combination of in some ways thinking we were one and done, and just feeling less fit and healthy than the first time round so wondering how on earth I'll have the energy for pregnancy, birth and beyond! Thank you again x