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Pregnancy

39 weeks pregnant and feel so stuck

111 replies

TheLilacZebra · 17/03/2024 22:27

Hello. Not sure where to start really. Have read a lot of posts on this from the start of pregnancy and have felt helpless for the longest time.

I will try to keep this short but there’s so much.

Have been with my bf for 3 years and we have an unexpected pregnancy. I couldn’t be happier to be a mum and knew from the first moment that I wanted this baby. My bf did not, and he tried his best to convince me to abort, when I told him no and that I would do it alone it’s fine, he told me that he would get on board and it was just a massive shock - fair enough.

A few days after finding out, he told me that he doesn’t want kids with me because he doesn’t want disabled children. (I found out a month earlier my cousin was confirmed with MD and his condition is genetic) This was extremely hard as a family to navigate and emotions were still quite raw - this wasn’t something I needed to hear from him, especially as my cousin was being tested for well over a year so he had plenty of time to tell me this before.

We went on holidays around 10 weeks pregnant. He made the whole holiday about him and drinking, I could barely move from bed from sickness. Despite this I would try my best to go to pubs etc with him so he could enjoy his holiday. One night at the pub, I was extremely ill, partially morning sickness, but also sick in all ways and could barely leave the bathroom. He wasn’t impressed when I asked him could we leave. Told me I was a boring f*cker and he’d never want to be with someone autistic like me. (I’m not autistic?) proceeded to tell me to raise the child by myself and that no one will ever look at me again bc I’ve been used. When we got back to the hotel he then told me he was going to punch my head in and that he was going to kill me. I had my back turned at this point and wasn’t even acknowledging what he had to say and had no energy to fight back.

Fast forward to now, nothings changed. I have been in agony a lot of days from pregnancy. I am a teacher and work long hours in school, then come home to plan and mark and could be working from 8 that morning to 11 that night. I am expected to keep on top of the housework and make dinner at the same time. Meanwhile he sits on the Xbox every night or his phone. He never asks or checks in on me.

He came to 2 baby scans - one hungover and stinking of drink and the other he sat on his phone. We had a scare with babies heartbeat and whilst I cried on the hosptial bed he sat on his phone.

I’m now 39 weeks pregnant and been having serious pains all over. He’s went out from 11 this morning to bet on horses and drink. Told me he’d be a couple of hours but it’s now half 10 at night and no word from him. No check in to see I’m okay, nothing. He doesn’t care to leave me in the house alone, he doesn’t care he got a pup at Xmas who he expects me to look after all day whilst in pain.

I don’t know what I’m expecting from this post. But I feel heartbroken that I’m even contemplating not having him at the birth. I feel I just want to do the birth by myself at this point and maybe I’ll feel happier with my little baby in my arms.

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Blankspace4 · 17/03/2024 22:30

My heart goes out to you OP. This man is not for you, but your child will be. Prioritise yourself and your baby. Some men take a bit of time to come to terms with becoming a father. He’s had your whole pregnancy and is showing parts of himself which will make your life even more difficult when you have a newborn / toddler. What is your housing situation and do you have any close family or friends who you can call on?