Feel so anxious about being sober 9 months

[Iamtheimposter]

Hi, I’m in the very early stages of pregnancy still so aware there’s still a risk of miscarriage etc. this pregnancy was a bit of a shock for me and my partner and we’re both in shock mourning the loss of the summer we had planned, walks, hikes and drinks in the beer garden. I know that sounds incredibly selfish but does that resonate with anyone else? I’m feeling extremely nervous about 9 months without booze and smoking, and feeling almost depressed about it. In my first pregnancy I was 21 and fresh faced, and didn’t use booze to cope so was a breeze but several years later of working full time with a child and I use it to cope with the stress, my partner is a drinker too and we both like our pub trips. It’s stupid because I really want this baby but the shock of it means I’m just struggling to be excited at all… I’m wondering if anyone has felt like this before… is this normal?
I’ve done dry January this year so I know it’s doable… I’m just sad thinking about our friends wedding coming up which will now be sober, sober summer holidays etc. argh. Am I just being daft?

I spent half of my entire pregnancy in a hot country walking, hiking, cycling and chilling on the beach it was best time of my life so being pregnant definitely does not mean you can not enjoy your summer. It sounds like you need booze to cope with your day to day life I think you might want to speak to a professional about this, whether pregnant or not.

Sounds a bit like you are using Alcohol as a crutch to cope with life. It's great that you feel capable of giving up drinking and smoking, maybe it's worth having an honest look at ways you can improve your stresses, without using alcohol.
My mum always says when booze become a cosh (like a bash over the head to help you forget life's stress) it's time to quit it.

I was soooo worried about having to give up drinking but the minute I started getting symptoms I've absolutely no interest.

Booze is great fun, so I think it's understandable to feel like you'll be missing out. But it's not forever.

I think as well alcohol free options have come along a lot in the past few years. I was pregnant for the first time in 2019 and the non alcoholic options were basically juice, soft drinks, and other things that tasted like kids drinks. Alternatively, there were a few not so great alcohol free options. Now I'm noticing so many better options because there is a market for it in a way that there wasn't 5 years ago!

If you’re that worried about having to go without alcohol I would say it’s time to reassess your usual drinking patterns. Alcohol isn’t a healthy coping mechanism. It’s easy to slip into depending on it.

You can still do walks and hikes! Alcohol free beer is pretty good these days. The 0% Guinness is excellent, as are Lucky Saint, Big Drop and St Peters.

I really went off even the thought of alcohol in the first trimester anyway.

This. OP it sounds as though you have a drinking problem. Missing a cold beer on a sunny day is VERY different to missing an unhealthy coping mechanism.

You probably need to seriously look at your relationship with alcohol long-term.

I’ve assessed and thought about my habit a lot tbh especially over January. Cope isn’t even the right word, it’s actually more the easy dopamine hit that my brain then craves again and again. In January my brain did start getting that dopamine hit from other little things which was nice but doesn’t help the partner likes his beer. I love an alcohol free beer to be fair so I’ll look forward to that on a summers day x

i am aware, it’s not like I’m shying away from this! I do realise this, my brain craves the dopamine rush, I know i need to let it reset. Just more looking for if anyone feels the same rather than me saying “I have a drinking problem” and then people saying “do you realise you have a drinking problem?”

Maybe other little treats will help with the reset. A nice candle, magazine, get into a new game. That kind of of thing.

Do you think your OH could be persuaded to join you?

I didn't have a problem but was quite a big social drinker and my family are also big drinkers. I did Christmas and new year sober and was anticipating it being rubbish but it really wasn't. I think because I knew I had no choice I just got on with it and I've actually been pleasantly surprised I can enjoy a family meal or a night out without alcohol. We have visited pubs we wouldn't usually because I have been able to drive there.
As for hiking I have 2 dogs and do a lot of walking, completed nearly 100 miles in Feb and will be continuing long walks until I no longer feel I can. I'm 25 weeks now and it has honestly been absolutely fine.

I am the exact same. I love a glass of wine (good wine - I’ve turned a bit picky in my 30’s)
Before I got pregnant I thought I’d really miss it but as soon as I found out I’ve not even thought about it.

I’ve tried some lovely mocktails lately which add a bit of excitement when I go out but honestly - I’m fine with it. And the bottles of lovely wine I got for my birthday will be waiting for me when I’m ready

I don’t think I have a drinking problem, but I also had thoughts like that. I love a sunny day in a beer garden with friends, or a cold glass of wine in the sun. I also love gooey unpasteurised cheeses and all the other things you’re not supposed to eat in pregnancy.

It was a very much wanted baby having had many miscarriages beforehand. I found the early stages of pregnancy depressing, I was tired, felt a bit down, nervous it would be another miscarriage. I still mourned the carefree easy life of nights in the pub and lay ins.

Once I hit 15wks I felt less tired, more confident about the pregnancy and I honestly didn’t really give my previous worries another thought. I loved pregnancy and I thought I would hate it. We went on long walks, watched lots of films, picnics, etc.

Maybe it’s the old lifestyle you’re mourning. It’s hard, you can’t flick a switch and become pregnant so you’re never prepared for it to happen. Yes, your life is going to change, but it doesn’t have to be vastly different. We still do the same things with a baby (not all day pub gardens, but we go out for long walks and have a pint and a meal in the pub after). We go to nice restaurants still, but just do it at lunch rather than the evening. I still feel like me and see my friends on my own at least once a month.

Just give it a few weeks, the beginning is the worst and I was very emotional and quite irrational!!

Like others, before I got pregnant I thought I'd struggle without drinking, but now I am pregnant it's not been an issue at all. I've done my own 40th birthday, Christmas and New Year and 2 holidays, no problem. Haven't thought twice about it.

@Iamtheimposter - I like a G&T when the sun has gone over the yard arm , but I would say when I was pregnant all thought of alcohol just went away . I just didn't fancy it . Later on on pregnancy I did have had a glass of wine when on a meal out by which I mean one meal ( Midwife said it was OK ) . It might make it easier in the early stages if DP cuts back as well so you don't feel you are missing out. Honestly I don't know whether it was hormones or what but I just did not fancy alcohol at all. Apart from that I think you can do most things until size just predicates against it.

Congratulations.

@BC2603 I've got big into the mocktails too. Especially fizzy ones like mojito

I do get how you feel. I was pregnant over summer and all I wanted was a nice aperol spritz in the sun. But we still got out as much as I could, went camping and had weekends away.
The Freixnet 0% sparkling rose is an amazing substitute.

I felt a bit like this as was very boozy with my ex partner pre pregnancy

Tbh it's been the best thing a total reset and I barely drink now and have my body from my 20s back!

I didn't have a problem but was quite a big social drinker and my family are also big drinkers. I did Christmas and new year sober and was anticipating it being rubbish but it really wasn't. I think because I knew I had no choice I just got on with it and I've actually been pleasantly surprised I can enjoy a family meal or a night out without alcohol.

I could have written this myself! I don't NEED to drink but I do really enjoy it.

I'm 29 weeks and have had four or five glasses of wine throughout - my decision, don't come at me - but I've done weddings, gigs, karaoke bars and Christmas with 14 people half of whom I hadn't met before and honestly, it's been fine. Fun even.

I think not drinking because you're pregnant feels different to choosing not to drink at any other time? Like, you know there's a good reason so it's easier to accept.

I was never a massive drinker pre-pregnancy, just a couple on a Friday night kind of thing, but when we were planning to start trying I actually did feel quite sad about the fact I’d have to go 9 months without a glass of wine! Once I got my positive test though literally I have never even thought about it, I’m 8 months pregnant now and it’s only been the last couple weeks where I’ve actually started to think I miss wine🤣

I thought I’d struggle with not drinking, but literally the day I got my BFP dh and I decided to toast it with my “last glass of Prosecco” - I had one sip and then gave him the rest because it just tasted awful to me! I know it was psychological because 10 minutes before I’d been drinking it no problem 😂

I honestly don’t miss drinking at all now, but I recognise that I might feel different in the summer months when it’s lovely weather and everyone else is having wine and cocktails. But then I think, actually most times in the summer the first drink I crave is a lime and lemonade with loads of ice. I’m actually getting excited thinking about that now!

It is harder if your partner doesn’t cut down with you. My dh asked if I wanted him to quit too, and I said no, but I can’t pretend it doesn’t bug me when I see him getting a beer out of the fridge (mostly because I can’t stand the smell now). Would your partner be willing to cut down a bit to support you? Maybe only drinking on one weekend day instead of both, for example? Or when you go out to beer gardens, having the first drink as a soft drink with you before he has a beer?

I think you need to think about whether an innocent child deserves 2 parents with a drinking problem.

I was very similar to you, didn't drink during the week but at weekends we'd relax with a few drinks.
Actually pregnancy wasn't too kind to me in the early weeks with constant nausea and headaches and fatigue, the last thing I wanted was a glass of wine so the first few weeks which should have been the hardest were quite easy.
And it does get easier.

Sorry but you do have a problem, if you feel this way. You need to seek some support - surely you knew this would be the case if you allowed a pregnancy to happen. You can still have a 'fun summer' without booze. yes I occasionally thought it would be nice to have a drink, when i was pregnant, but it never caused me anxiety. I think you and your partner really need to get to a better relationship with alcohol, before having this baby. I don't usually think partners should necessarily stop drinking (mine hasn't, but doesn't drink much) but I do think it would help you if your partner also stopped during the pregnancy.

'I think you and your partner really need to get to a better relationship with alcohol, before having this baby.'

☝🏻