Booking appointment advice

[Babiesforme]

Help, feel a bit anxious about my booking appointment which is in a couple of weeks. Firstly I'm a bigger lady and worried that the midwife will make a comment about my weight/bmi in front of my partner or will mention the actual figures (he doesnt know my weight or dress size). Also I had hpv in the past that he's not aware of. I know it might seem silly to some but it's all literally keeping me awake. Any advice?

Your midwife will most likely mention both. You should tell your partner about the HPV.

I was weighed a few times during pregnancy and they never said my weight out loud when my partner was there. They just jotted it down - I don't think they would mention it.

In regards to hpv, that's very very common. I think they ask you about the last smear you had and was it a 'normal' result so that might be something to discuss beforehand.

Also, do you have to take your partner to the booking appointment? Might be better to go alone if you're anxious ❤️

I had a BMI of 37 at my booking appointment, I remember the midwife reading it out and we had to discuss in quite a bit of detail about how I was a 'high risk' pregnancy because of my BMI (ended up with no complications and had a better birth experience than all of my low risk friends!). I never felt judged on my weight by her or anyone else through my pregnancy, labour and postnatal experience.

I didn't take my partner to the booking appointment as it's essentially just a long questionnaire to find out any risk factors but he did attend all scans and a couple of my consultant appointments, could you leave him at home? I didn't get weighed again until my 36 week midwife appointment. Good luck with everything!

Hi, so sorry you're worried. Partners do not have to attend booking appointments, would that be an option for you to go alone? My midwife did not read weight out loud but did verbally confirm BMI and go on to talk about risks as it's greater than 35. I told my partner he shouldn't attend with me as they asked questions about safety at home / domestic violence, which I genuinely thought was true at the time. X

Partners do not need to attend booking appointments, it's form filling and health checks. If it's combined with a scan they can wait outside until your going for a scan, they are normally done in separate rooms anyway so you will have to chance to bring him in.

Don’t take him. Those appointments are dull as dishwater. No way was DH taking time off work for them reasonable and I certainly didn’t need help to fill out forms/answer questions.

Don't take your partner. It's pointless anyway and if it's making you anxious just say don't come. They won't miss anything, booking is just filling in forms.

They will 100% mention your weight, depending on BMI you might end up 'high risk', just nod along and move on.

Hey hun. I’m currently 17+2. I’m overweight and I’ve had HPV and my partner doesn’t know my weight or the HPV issue. I was then weighed again at 16 weeks and lost 1.3kg and this was raised out loud too. It’s best to go alone on the first appointment as they ask you questions about your relationship, the father, how you’re feeling etc. It’s a 1-2-1. They never bought up my HPV by the way, just told me by BMI was high and I could have other issues due to this I.E Pre baby, preeclampsia etc.
Just FYI and maybe it’s just me but I go to all my appointments alone unless it’s a scan. And if he wants to come along he can I just tell him to wait in the waiting room until I know what they are asking me. I’ve seen a lot of men sitting in the waiting rooms while their partner has gone into see the consultant / midwife etc. Congratulations

They'll mention your weight and then your BMI, it can be a factor that makes the pregnancy high risk (if over 30 I believe) so if you don't want it discussing in front of your partner you'll need to go alone.

Sorry I forgot to mention when they tell you the issues you may have due to BMI just say ok and carry on. I’m starting to take Aspirin daily to deter the issues mentioned above (at advice from the hospital of course). You’ll be fine. The first appointment is boring lol

Thanks for your responses. Due to family history they had possibly wanted to do blood tests for him on the same day which is the only reason he was going to be coming. I'll find out if they still want to see him that day. If they do maybe I'll just ask him to wait outside whilst I'm checked over

That's good to know about the smear test @firecracker43 . My last smear was normal, the hpv was years ago

Hi,

I'm a midwife. They will weigh you (ideally they won't shout your weight out loud, but some midwives might so its not guaranteed!) but they will definitely discuss your BMI if it is above 35. If it is above 30 they will also likely mention it, but in less detail.
You could always call ahead and ask that your weight isn't discussed in front of your partner, that's not uncommon at all and the midwife can facilitate an opportunity to speak to you alone about it. I'm not sure what the family history is, but it's very unusual for a partner to need a blood test at the booking appointment. If it turns out that he does need one, they can just give you the request form and he can drop into the phlebotomy clinic and get it done on another day.
In regards to the HPV, you don't really need to mention it at booking so could just wait until an appointment when you see your midwife alone and mention it then. You can also request that this isn't documented in your hand held records and that's totally fine. .

Hope that helps.

1. he doesn’t need to come with you, my midwife actually said there’s no point but mine did
2. my weight wasn’t mentioned although I am a healthy bmi, I did comment that I have gained a lot since I gave my weight (I have!) and she said it won’t be as much as you think and was nice
3. she did ask if my smear was normal - she was specific, having HPV is NOT the issue, having abnormal cells is. Thats the question, did it come back with abnormalities, you can say no. I personally would mention HPV but that’s now up to you. Although, it’s very bad to not tell him as it’s a sexually transmitted disease, technically.

Itll be fine, don’t overthink.

Oh I had HPV years ago, as have 80% of people, it’s only your last one. So you can firmly say no to this q!

I wasn’t weighed at all… she just said “is the weight you gave on referral correct?” I said yes, and she said “great”.

I didn't have to give a weight on the referral. I phoned the GP and the receptionist sent a referral request to the midwifery team and they phoned me to book in. No details taken about weight, must be different for different areas.

But even so, if the OP is overweight their follow up question could easily be "as your BMI is over 30 it means XYZ."

I had hpv and removal of cells many years ago and normal smears since. It's partially embarrassment about my weight but also not wanting to worry him. He's so excited. He worried when I ended up in hospital with tonsilitis! I know the issues my weight may cause and exercising safely was one thing on the list to discuss with the midwife. Thank you
@CheeryBiscuit It's sickle cell screening
I think I'll just ask him to wait outside after he's had his blood taken

Thank you all so much for your advice x I'd really worked myself up. I had been trying to lose weight on and off last year. I will continue to watch what I eat and keep moving. I will have a chat with my partner about any risks. From previous conversations he has some awareness that bring overweight and pregnant can cause some issues. Midwife says she'll do the form so maybe he can just go to phlebotomy to have the blood test instead of waiting around for my appointment

There's no point him going with you? It's only about your health. my DH only came to scans. And kindly, I'm sure is aware of your size. You don't need to wait and discuss exercise with the midwife, you can do what you're already doing, and things like walking and swimming are fine.

My husband came to my booking appointment but the midwife said she needed to see me alone initially. During that time she asked me about any abuse, any medical history I'd rather be kept private and that's also when she weighed me and did blood pressure. We knew that would happen as the letter said partners could attend but only the latter half of the appointment.

I would hope that it's fairly standard for midwives to request to see women alone for part of the booking appointment.

If not, ask him to not attend it all or to just attend for his blood test. You still have the right to medical privacy, being pregnant with his child doesn't alter that.

I've never ever heard of a partner getting their blood tested at a booking appointment. The women just about their own checks never mind adding on other family members. Booking appointment are about the woman's health and that includes questions around domestic abuse etc so I highly doubt they would insist on partner coming to.

Didn't take husband to booking or 16 week midwife appointment as he'd have had to take a half day off work and I'd rather he save the days for when baby is here. The midwife appointments are generally pretty boring anyway just general obs and questions.

@Babiesforme just seen you had removal of cells. Definitely mention this!!! I had this too and I needed a cervical stitch to keep baby safe, so they may want to do a cervix scan at some point x

@firecracker43 That's what I thought, although it was years ago I want them to be aware just to on the safe side. To be fair my partner says he's fine to have his bloods and wait or will pop off to the shops. I'm going to tell him about the lletz as I know any extra checks will worry him. How long between you having the cells removed and having baby? I was told to wait a least a year, it's been 7 years so hoping all will be well