MMC

[Brookes19]

Hello. I don't know what I am hoping for but I feel so lost right now. I should be 10+5 weeks pregnant today with my third baby. My first two pregnancies were straight forward. I started spotting and having some cramps around a week ago and rung EPU who told me this is normal and not to worry. Had my booking appointment a few days later and again told not to worry, but obviously I was. I booked a private scan on Saturday when I should have been 10+3. The sonographer saw the baby, but measuring 8 weeks, with no heartbeat and confirmed missed misscariage. I was told they will ring the early pregnancy unit first thing Monday morning (today) who will phone me back.

I am in absolute bits, it has hit me so hard. I flit between sadness, anger and then denial. Maybe I am earlier that I thought and the scan couldn't pick up a heartbeat because it was abdomonal? I know im clutching at straws I'm just really struggling to accept it :( I'm scared of what's to come and what happens next. My two children are older and are unaware so trying to be ok around then is so hard.

@Brookes19 sending you so much love. This is a horrible experience and one that no Mum ever wants to go through. I had a MMC last year - very similar, a few occasions of spotting and that was it. A scan at 11+4 showed baby had stopped developing at 7+5.

I know you know this already in your heart and I'm saying it because I think it's better than false hope, but I'm afraid it does sound like a definite loss. Even if you were 8 weeks instead of 10, there would definitely be a heartbeat by that stage. I'm so so sorry as it truly is a heartbreak like no other. I still occasionally get flashbacks to the moment the sonographer said "I'm terribly sorry, I can see a little baby but it's not as big as it should be and there is no heartbeat". 😔

There is no easy way through. You just have to let yourself grieve. I'm so sorry you also have to hold it together for your other children. My son was 2 when I had my loss and whilst he was a big comfort, it was hard at times just carrying on. Have you got other people around who can support you and who you can talk to about what's happened?

I would advise going on the miscarriage forum when you feel able. There is a community of wonderful women who sadly know what you're going through and I found a lot of comfort in sharing the journey with them.

Just as a little note of hope for you - it's just coming up to a year since my bfp from that pregnancy I lost, and I'm currently 13wks pregnant. Two of the women I was going through the loss with at the time have just given birth to their rainbow babies! There can be light at the end of the tunnel. But right now, take time to mourn this loss and look after yourself. It's horrible but you will be ok. 💕

Hi @Brookes19

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a really hard time, and I hope you've got support around you

In terms of what happens next your EPU will scan you to confirm (they don't accept private scans - assuming yours was private) so you will be looked at again by them.
If confirmed, you'll be given a few options (or at least I was): medically managed (tablets), surgically managed or give some time to pass naturally. I opted medical but then started naturally that afternoon. Mine was quite odd and resulted in more hospital time but it didn't hurt at all (but heard of plenty of women being fine at home). You'll then take a pregnancy test a week or two later and hospital will call to get result.

I'm sure you don't want to think of this yet but it's really common to conceive again quickly after this so don't give up hope x

@SnookyPook thank you for replying. I have seen your posts on the due in August thread and I am so pleased that everything is going well for you in this pregnancy 🩷 It does give me hope that one day we can try again. I know you are right and I am clinging on to false hope it's just so difficult to accept isn't it.

I do have alot of support. My husband has been amazing even though I know how hard this is for him too. I know what you mean about the flashbacks, my husband could see the screen and I couldn't, and I just knew before she said it.

@helenv679 thank you so much and i am so sorry you have also been through this 🩷 yes it was a private scan. I am still waiting for then to call but just hoping they can see me today.

I have done some reading on the options its just hard to know what is right. I would rather try medically managed first but the thought of it dragging on and having the kids at home worries me. Hopefully I will know what to do once I speak to them x

@Brookes19 so sorry for what you’re going through, it’s such a shock when it happens. Especially harder as the professionals told you your spotting is normal, which of course is not always the case.
I have to echo what @SnookyPook has said, I had the same thing last September. They should be able to see a heartbeat at 8 weeks I’m afraid 😔.
For me the EPU scanned abdominally and then internally to confirm and was given the choice of medication, surgery or natural. I chose medication and went home with painkillers (I specifically had to request them).
For me personally I found the pain to be like a bad period and it was all over in a few hours.
Again a story of hope, I conceived quickly after my MMC, only had one period and fell pregnant and I’m currently nearly 14 weeks.
I’m so sorry again, I really wish nobody has to go through loss it’s so heartbreaking 💔

Thank you @Sav2023 I'm so sorry for your loss too. And congratulations on your pregnancy 🩷

Thank you for sharing your experience. I think I am leaning towards trying the medication. I just need to stay of Google and reading the stories about when it doesn't work x

I'm really glad you've got good support - it does make a difference. 💕

I had planned surgery for mine on the recommendation of my sister and a friend who had been through losses. My sister had failed medical management which dragged on and said the good thing with surgery is that it's a definite end point. Given that I'd been carrying them a month without miscarrying I opted for the surgery, however, I ended up miscarrying naturally two days before the booked surgery.

Sending you a hand hold for getting through the next few days. I found with mine I couldn't properly grieve until the physical aspect of the loss was done. I went into practical mode to get through and then it sunk in properly after. 💕

Thank you so much 🩷 I am hoping for it to be over quickly so that I can try to move on but also still struggling to accept that it's real. EPU can't see me until tomorrow so I'm just trying to keep busy today and see what tomorrow brings. X

I'm so sorry OP. I've had 2 MMCs at a similar stage to you, and had surgical management both times because I work better when I separate the physical and emotional. Make sure you talk to your partner and anyone else you're close to who can support you. I found the drop in hormones after surgery hit so much harder than expected and I was a complete mess for a few weeks. Be prepared to not feel like yourself whilst your body settles back down - unfortunately it's a point in pregnancy when hormones are super high and in a successful pregnancy the body has a plan to process hormones dropping but unfortunately not in miscarriage. Similar to Snooky I couldn't process or grieve properly until the physical side was over.

Sending you the biggest hugs xx

@moosey89 thank you 🩷 its heartbreaking to realise how many people go through this, its so common but seems to be rarely spoken about. Im so sorry this happened to you twice. I am still trying to weigh up what the best option is to take and guess I might be able to decide more tomorrow at the appointment. Its good to hear other people's experiences of the different options. I just feel so numb today x

I’m so sorry for your loss @Brookes19, and that you’re going through this. I’ve had two MMCs in the past 6 months, at a similar sort of time (10/11 weeks). The staff at EPU were so incredibly kind and talked me through all the options. I had an MVA under local anaesthetic both times, mainly because they could do it much faster than under general, and I wanted to get back to my DC. Let me know if you have any questions at all, it’s a horrible club to be in but every person I’ve met who’s in it has been so lovely, and such a support during an otherwise lonely time. X

Im sorry to hear you're going through this. Unfortunately I found out today I've had a MMC at my 12 week scan. Baby also measured 8 weeks, I'm absolutely devastated and like you going through all the emotions. I keep thinking maybe they're wrong but I know they aren't, I could see the baby wasn't the size it should be. I think I'm going to opt for surgery, I don't want to prolong this any longer. Hope you're ok x

@Wise0wl thank you I have been to the EPU this morning and the staff were lovely. I am so sorry you have been through this twice, I've been lucky with two previous children and was so naive to how difficult it is to have a loss 💔x

@jellyfish2 I am so sorry you are experiencing this too 😢 I had the exact same emotions, I've told myself all weekend that maybe they were wrong and that an internal scan would find a heatbeat. I hope you have lots of support around you ❤️ x

The EPU confirmed my private scan this morning. It was heartbreaking to hear those words again and to accept it. I've decided to go for the medical management and have taken the first tablet today. I will take the rest on Thursday and just hoping that it works. Either option is not nice and it's so hard to decide 😢x

I hope it works quickly for you, I completely understand how you feel, it's just so devastating x

@jellyfish2 so very sorry to hear your news. It's so heartbreaking. Especially having got all the way to your 12wk scan. Sending you a massive hug and lots of courage to get through this time. 💕

@Brookes19 so sorry that your bad news has been confirmed too. I really hope this next phase goes as well as possible for you and that the physical loss isn't too difficult. Then the healing process can start. 💕

Thank you, I really have a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm sorry to see you've gone through it previously too. Did you get given a reassurance scan with the NHS once you fell pregnant again? I've managed to get booked in for surgery on Thursday, I just want it over with now. 😥 I'm not sure how long to take off work.

Aw bless you. I'm glad you've booked in. My EPU offered to sign me off for a month initially and I really wasn't sure how long I would need. I found 2 weeks was great for the initial recovery. We also already had a holiday planned which happened to be during the 3rd week. I found it really helpful to have some time away from my normal places and routines and think it helped to reset me a little. I've seen a few others on loss threads talk about how helpful it was to have a weekend away or a little holiday a few weeks after the loss so it might be something to consider it it's feasible for you.

Everyone is different though. Some people prefer to get straight back to work and on with things. For me, I felt taking the time to properly confront the loss and grieve was really beneficial.

Unfortunately the NHS don't tend to offer reassurance scans as standard after one loss but it's always worth ringing to ask. I have had them during this pregnancy as I unfortunately ended up with 3 losses last year. They've been brilliant with me and I've had a scan every fortnight from 6weeks.

Thank you, I might ask them to sign me off. My work is good but I feel like I might need longer off as I can't imagine being back at work anytime soon. I just feel so broken.
That's so awful suffering three losses in a year, I'm so sorry. I'm glad this pregnancy is progressing well 🩷

@Brookes19 I’m lucky enough to have one DC, and like you was totally shocked by my MMCs. I think it must be so much more common than the statistics make us think it is. Hope you’re doing ok.

@jellyfish2 so sorry for your loss. I took a week off with each of my MMCs, as I found work a helpful distraction (but I could WFH and take it slightly easy). Just take it a day at a time. X

I am so sorry for your loss OP. It is a very difficult thing to get your head around. Take your time to process and grieve.
I too was due in August and am currently coming up to 2 weeks post surgical management for a mmc at 10 weeks. Sadly this is my 2nd experience of this, but for me the surgical management route was the right choice both times. Only you will know what's right for you though. All options seem to come with their 'pros' and cons, which makes it so difficult. Either way it is a seriously horrid thing to have to go through.
To end on a more positive note, I have had two successful pregnancies between these mmc's, so please know that just because you've experienced 1, it absolutely doesn't mean that you wont go on to have successful pregnancies in the future (something I worried about a lot after my first mmc). Sending lots of hugs your way. It will get easier x

Thank you @Loco01 and sorry for your losses. It's lovely to hear that you had successful pregnancies in between. I know its too early to think about it but I'm struggling to imagine not having the baby and it's making me want to TTC again straight away. Then that makes me feel guilty. I know I need to give myself time as see what happens x

I was going to send you a PM but can't figure out how to do it.

I totally understand. As soon as you see that positive pregnancy test you work out your due date, set milestones in your head and envision the next 9 months and beyond.
We decided to wait a couple of months to start trying again after our first mmc, as that one hit quite hard emotionally and I don't think I could have coped if the same happened again at that time. After this mmc however I can't stop thinking about trying again straight away. Perhaps because I am that much older now and feel more time pressured. I am willing my body to heal quickly. I definitely know what you mean about feeling guilty though. It's extremely tough x

I'm not sure if you mean me @jellyfish2 ? I've sent you a PM so hopefully you can reply if so x

So sorry for your loss. I had a MMC and suffered with the unknown for nearly 2 months still I got surgical management whilst awake which was so painful and awful.

I knew i had miscarried. I had a dream that my mam said why you drinking youre supposed to be 12 weeks pregnant. I woke up and just knew. Think it was my body letting me know.

The pain never goes away but it does get easier. Sending love and hugs ❤