New relationship baby

[Hlymamma]

Hello and congratulations everybody 👋☺️

I just wanted a bit of an outlet so here goes… basically, I’m starting to feel scared and wonder if I’m doing the right thing!

I met my babydaddy in August gone, we’ve had a bit of a whirlwind romance and our first vacation over Christmas where we had a couple of falling outs but other than that I loved spending time with him. He’s funny, giving, kind and all the things you’d want in a man really. I know 6 months isn’t a long time to have known somebody though which is what scares me. There are a couple of things I see in him that I don’t particularly love - he can be slightly arrogant at times and hes said/done some things that he’s later apologised for that fair enough haven’t been repeated, but they’re there.

He’s got a big family who are all close and has those amazing family values. I lost my mother in 2014 at only 23 years old and since then I don’t have close family of my own. I only have a couple of friends really. I know our baby will be so well loved and looked after by his family, but I can’t help thinking that if anything (god forbid) happened between us, I’d have a really hard time coping on my own.

Prior to this relationship, I was with someone for a few years and we were due to get married but I ended things because he’d been unfaithful. It wasn’t really that long before I met my current partner.

Everyone is so happy for us and nobody has expressed any concerns at all, either side! I have no doubt whatsoever that he’ll be an amazing dad, I just get scared that there might be stuff I don’t know about him yet, or there might be weird stuff I find further down the line. I don’t know, maybe I’m panicking over nothing. People keep telling me that time is nothing, and so many couples have met and had a baby/wed really quickly then stayed together forever and been blissfully happy.

Are you planning to get married?
Do you share finances? Are you financially independent? Do you work? Do you plan to continue working after maternity leave?

"Everyone is so happy for us and nobody has expressed any concerns at all, either side!"

Well, no. They won't say that out loud to you when you're already pregnant.

" I just get scared that there might be stuff I don’t know about him yet, or there might be weird stuff I find further down the line"

Yes this is extremely likely.

"Over Christmas where we had a couple of falling outs" "There are a couple of things I see in him that I don’t particularly love"

This isn't a good sign 4 months into a relationship.

"I can’t help thinking that if anything (god forbid) happened between us, I’d have a really hard time coping on my own"

Yes there are couples who get pregnant in the honeymoon period and everything works out great, however they are the exception. There is a very high chance of this not working out. Especially when you said yourself, you have already had fallings out a few months in. If you genuinely don't think you would be able to cope on your own then that is concerning.

Just thought I’d put this out there, my best friend fell pregnant after 3 months with her boyfriend. They’ve now been together 10 years and have since had another baby. It can work!

I know someone who got pregnant after dating for just 4 months. They’ve been together for over 7 years now. The only difference Id say is that they were older, she was 36 at that time and he was I think one year older or one year younger. 36 and 23 are two completely different ages of personal and mental evolution. Not sure if having had several arguments over Christmas is a good sign. Relationships in early 20s tend to be quite stormy and full of drama and issues. Not for all, but for most people. Before you decide wether to keep the baby you both need to think real hard and real logical wether you would not end up breaking up shortly after the baby arrives. A baby is a massive personal, financial and emotional strain you both absolutely need to be prepared for and ready to burden yourselves.

OP is 32 or 33....her mum passed away in 2014 when she was 23.

The term baby daddy does sound immature and noncommittal , you've basically fallen pregnant with someone you don't really know all that well. You sound optimistic though. I hope it works out for you .

It might work but calling him baby daddy is already labelling him as a deadbeat.

@Dacadactyl
Im probably blind, sorry about that. Misread

I’m 32, he’s 39. Not sure where I said early 20s

That is pretty judgemental but ok!

How’s that?

We are engaged to be married. I do work and am able to financially support myself both before and after. He is also able to support the baby financially. Finances I’m not worried about.

Do you have a fall back plan just in case it doesn't work out ? Based on your finances alone. See if you could get universal credit/ help with child care expenses etc ? Could citizens advice help

Do you want the navy op? Forget everyone else, is this what you want?

If so you just have to give it a go. Don't give up your independence, make sure you have escape money, give baby your surname, don't be afraid to walk away.

Dh and I had been together 4 months when we moved in together, 6 months when we got engaged, married a year later. It's now 12 years on, three kids, no regrets. It can work

I am not an advocate for getting yourself pregnant by a man you barely know, as in my experience it rarely works out in the long run. This is a new life you're creating, a permanent tie to a person forever, remember that.

It all seems lovely now, but of course it is, it always is at first! Me and my DP had been together for 4 years before we started trying for a baby, as its a big deal and I didn't want to rush into such an important decision and neither did he, for every reason you mentioned in your post!

Finances is the least of your worries.

Thank you to those who offered something constructive/helpful.

A lot of these comments are, unhelpful at best. I actually find the forums on here to be quite toxic, I’m glad I’m not having a baby to some of you! Jeeez

You know what 🤣 maybe you should stop pro creating and concentrate on becoming a better person. Wow.

‘Get myself pregnant’ wow. We got ourselves pregnant. I’m not a knocked up teenager, we are adults who have found ourselves in a situation. How rude

Thank you for your helpful comment.

It is what I want! It’s what we both want. From what I know of him, he’s a good family man with great values, he’s hard working and he does everything for me and for us.

What kind of challenges did you guys face? Anything you could prep me for?

Finances I’m fine with :-)

I disagree with that being a bad sign. I’ve got an ex boyfriend who turned out to be the most toxic person on the planet and we never argued until 8 months in. The tiff we had was hardly remarkable. But thank you for your two cents worth.

I’m unsure why you’ve responded to something with opinions rather than constructive/advice/anything helpful but I hope it’s made you feel better at least

Thank you

Sadly OP not a great outcome for me, we definitely didn’t know each other long enough before baby came along and I deeply regret the ‘father’ (because he really doesn’t deserve that title) my child has and feel guilty

I’m really sorry to hear this. Were there any signs you saw in the beginning or any flags you explained away? Not at all saying you would have, we never do but I mean in hindsight? What did you do when you guys broke up?