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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Who can honestly say they are not as excited about their second pregnancy as they was about their first?

61 replies

OFSTEDoutstanding · 18/03/2008 22:21

OK I am 17 weeks pregnant and have a ds who will bw almost 3 when this one is born. I am finding it really hard to feel excited or even sometimes any form of enthusiasm for this pregnancy. I know that once the baby arrives I will love it like I do my ds but what really worries me is how much it will affect him.
He is confident, happy and very well behaved and I am worried that this new arrival will change all that. We are very aware that we don't want him to feel pushed out so potty training, new bedroom and preschool will all start before the little one comes so he doesn't link them with the new arrival, but what if he doesn't like the baby?
I really don't get on with my sister and there are 4 years between us, I remember how I felt when she was born and still feel pushed out by my parents over the differences in the way we are treat by them.
Am I being a hormone filled paranoid mother or have some of you had experiences that you could warn me about?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

seeker · 19/03/2008 14:53

I felt like this - and I think I did a bit until the first time dd said "we" and I realized she meant herself and her little brother, not herself and me. Watching your children interact with each other will give you undreamed of delight. Your older one will no longer be under the microscope of the parent's constant regard, and the family dynamic will change - the children will no longer be outnumbered by the grown ups. It's a wonderful thing to have more than one (once the first few manic weeks are over!)

Shazza2002 · 19/03/2008 15:09

I feel the same. Really wanted another baby and so greateful I'm pregnant but it is just the excitement bit. But I kind of feel that the first time for anything tends to be more exciting. Plus you have more knowledge about the sleepless nights, constant tiredness, worried about colic, night terrors etc and how you would ever cope if your next baby had them too (maybe that's just me).

Also, DD is 5 and we did ask her if she wanted a sibling. Her response was "No, a goldfish or cat would be better!".

But the most worrying of all is will I love it as much as my DD. I'm sure this is very common but I can't imagine how I could ever love anything else even half as much.

All that aside I'm sure it will be fine once baby arrives, this one will be a great sleeper of course cause you never get 2 the same...........right

sweetkitty · 19/03/2008 15:18

Theres 18 months between my 2 DDs I used to think how can I possibly love another baby as much as DD1 but as everyone says instead of your love dividing between them it doubles. They are now 3 and 2 and part of a little gang and I don't think they could be parted.

Now I'm pregnant with number 3 and another DD. I can't summon up the energy to get that excited TBH it's terrible I know. Maybe if it was a boy it would have been different something new, but we have "done" two newborn girls. I know she will be a completely different little person but at first they are all babies and it takes a while for their personality to come through.

I'm actually fed up with all the baby talk and the first thing anyone ever says to me is about my bump!

bohemianbint · 19/03/2008 18:59

Needtoask - that poem just had me bawling!

Original poster

OFSTEDoutstanding · 20/03/2008 18:09

Am so pleased I am not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for al your comments it has helped me put things into perspective alot! Needtoask that poem was excellent and I am sat here now with tears running down my face....going to go give ds a cuddle!

OP posts:

maxbear · 21/03/2008 19:39

Having two children is hard work, but the positives far outweigh the negatives. I have not experienced much jelously at all from my dd who was 2.2 when ds came along. From the minute she walked in to the room when she first saw him she was besotted by him. They are so totally lovely together and sometimes I spy on them when they are playing as it is so cute. I was excited that I was having a second but I did wonder how I would love another one as much as dd. I wanted another girl when I was preg and when he was born bonding took all of a few minutes and I could not believe that I had ever wanted a girl as he is just so perfect. People go on and on about jelousy but in reality the affection between them is far more prominent than the jelousy. Not just speaking for myself, most of my friends have had the same experience. Pregnancy is really difficult with a toddler in tow though. I do want a third but am going to wait until first two are in school cos can't do the pregnancy with a toddler to lug around thing again!

carmenelectra · 21/03/2008 21:44

I planned second baby and he was very much wanted. However, i cried when i found out and worried i had done the wrong thing. Why i dont know, as i never, ever, just wanted one. Felt guilty that things wouldnt be the same in our cosy unit again.

Ds1 was 7 when i got preg, so it was ridiculous cos we had had so many yrs just the 3 of us. This, in a way, made it worse i think. He was pleased of course.

I hardly thought much about the pregnancy for ages. mainly because i was busier second time around and not so wrapped up in the whole baby thing as with ds1. Felt guilty, especially when i did moan about the pregnancy 'ruining' a holiday we had pre-booked(it didnt).

All changed towards the end, when i couldnt wait to meet him. And i couldnt wait for ds 1 to come and see me the night ds2 was born!!

I sometimes say to him(being the idiot i am) 'Are you glad you have a baby brother, or did you prefer things before?' He always tells me he is glad and i am so glad too. I just wish that i had done it yrs ago.

MamaMaiasaura · 21/03/2008 21:48

carmen - loved your post because it seems so similar to my situation. Havea 12week very much wanted ds2 and ds1 is 8. Have so many guilty feelings over the fact that i am not giving ds1 the same lvel of attention etc etc.

carmenelectra · 21/03/2008 21:59

Awen.

You will be fine. It makes me feel a bit tearful reading this thread which is so silly, isnt it?

I even felt guilty about actually feeling guilty cos i was able to have a second!Ds1 adores his baby brother and is a great help(slave, lol), but i just kept thinking about all our lovely yrs together. I still do at times when the baby takes up more of my time, but DP always reminds me of how much attention he has had and will still have as the baby grows and needs less of our time. Its so true

MamaMaiasaura · 21/03/2008 22:07

Too true carmen (and i know what you mean about slave lol, he loves changing lo's nappy, cuddling, playing, fetching things). Also he has had me all to himself and ds2 wont have that in the same way.

Needtoasksomething - loved the poem - made me cry, in a good way.

brrrrmmmm · 21/03/2008 22:08

Me too - DS will be 3.6 when DC2 is born in August - I feel this time that I don't want to wait through the whole pregnancy, I just wnat the baby at the end of it, whereas when I was pg the first time, I enjoyed all the changes of pg. Also, had a MMC last Sept so quite nervous this time.

Megglevache · 21/03/2008 22:10

Message withdrawn

brrrrmmmm · 21/03/2008 22:11

Aw that's lovely Megglevache, I am keeping your tips for introduction and hope it works as well for me!

GodzillasPimplyBumcheek · 21/03/2008 22:11

Was pregnant with twins the first time, so v exciting, lots of attention, and was younger and more able to cope. With DD3 i was soooo excited that here was ONE baby on her own and it would be so much easier, i was tremendously excited! (It wasn't easier in the end though!).

Megglevache · 21/03/2008 22:16

Message withdrawn

carmenelectra · 21/03/2008 22:40

Awen

Its true about the second one not having you in the same way as your first does. Gosh, i feel guilty about that too. Im a sentimental old fool, i am.

Megglevache · 21/03/2008 22:46

Message withdrawn

carmenelectra · 21/03/2008 22:49

I know megg, and i agree. Im just a silly old cow

Megglevache · 21/03/2008 22:49

Message withdrawn

ejesmum · 22/03/2008 12:29

Really enjoing this thread and its good to know there's loads of other 2nd-timers out there feeling exactly the same as me. I'm 18 weeks pg, with a 4 yr old DS. Extremely daunted by the thought of digging out all the baby-paraphernalia again but your comments have put a new perspective on things and of course experience is everything.

Jennylee · 22/03/2008 16:32

I have just found out my new baby will be a girl so thats even more different and I feel a bit flat. husband is a bit annoyed with me, but I think it is worse as all night last night I dreamt it was a boy, so really expected it would be. I thought I was having like another Ds but no, will be completely different.

Megglevache · 22/03/2008 19:43

Message withdrawn

ChirpyGirl · 22/03/2008 20:17

I actually posted a very similar thread on here when I was pregnant with DD2 under a false name and loads of people came on and said the same, so many that I outed myself in relief!

DD2 is now 6 months and sharing a room with DD1, and they are great together!
DD2 already copies some thigns DD1 does and DD1 loves to check up on here and is quick to tell me when she needs feeding or is awake and I am not picking her up!
I can honestly say I feel the same joy/love for DD2 that I did for DD1, but I felt nothing like the same until the instant she was born.

Jennylee · 22/03/2008 23:36

Looking at pink stuff in the shop straight after was a bad idea I think, as my parents were looking at dresses and pink stuff and I was a bit wanting to run away was just a bit of a shock after poring over little boy stuff and thinking another ds would be lovely.
Thanks Megglevache and ChirpygGirl, at least it is not just me and I feel a bit better now having had some time to think about it, will be okay once she is here.
And later my Dh admitted he would have been a little disappointed if it was another boy, as he wants a different child lol.

MamaMaiasaura · 23/03/2008 21:35

well ds1 has again been brilliant with ds2 today. I feel guilty as heck still as i get so frustrated and annoyed with ds1 over stupid things. I keep having to check myself from snapping at him and remembering he is only 8. I have not been able to feed ds2 once today with some interruption. I know that i shouldnt worry about it but i guess when ds1 is at school and dp is at work i get 1-1 time with ds2 and i am missing it. Silly old cow here

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