Urge to push during labour

[Anonmum600]

I have birth to DS back in September but I am left with questions about my labour. When I first went to hospital I was in real pain after waters broke and having contractions so close together there was basically no break. However doctor examined me and said my cervix wasn't far enough forward and sent me home.

I was in so much pain that I didn't leave and they found me a room. During that time I had an unbelievable urge to push. I had been told not to though. I couldn't move because I was focusing so hard on not pushing. 3 hours later I was in so much pain trying not to push that I asked for a second opinion. Another doctor examined me and said I was 8cm. I got taken to the labour suite. However, I never felt the urge to push at any other point and I ended up with a forceps delivery due to failure to progress.

I feel so guilty it ended up with forceps - like I didn't try hard enough. However I'm also wondering if maybe I should have listened to my body and allowed myself to push and maybe I wouldn't have ended up with a forceps delivery? Would love to hear some views because it would also be helpful to know if I ever have a second!

Hi

I have no advice for you, but I had the same with both my labours.

The first one ended in an emergency c section and forceps and episiotomy for the second. The urge to push before time was unbearable and it was swelling my cervix.

I'd love to know why it happened. My babies were both big, maybe that contributed

I’m sorry you went through that. I’ve heard that it’s a myth you shouldn’t push when your body is telling you to push. Women have been giving birth for thousands of years, I feel like we should trust our bodies to know what to do 🤷‍♀️

I don't know any medical side of things, but my experience was similar with being told I wasn't far along and attempted to send home (4cm) I had no intention of leaving so walked along the corridor, after 3 more contractions she agreed to check again as I was begging for gas and air and she said i was then 8cm (so I'm doubtful about the 4cm check being accurate)
The next contraction as I walked from there to the delivery room I felt I needed to push, so the midwife said to try for the following contraction.
When she checked my cervix between contractions she said there was a small amount left to dilate, but when I was contracting and pushing it was "pushed out of the way" so I was fine to push.

Not sure how helpful that is, but gives an idea of how it didn't seem very clear cut as to dilation amount in my experience.

Not pushing under doctors orders was definitely worse than any of the pushing in my three births.

I had this with my first labour. I did loads of research and found a really interesting article about pushing against your pelvic floor can help a badly positioned baby to get into a better position. In my case I couldn’t stop myself from pushing so they gave me an epidural as the only way to stop me. I was told my cervix was swollen from the pushing and I ended up with an EMCS. I now have a happy, healthy 9 year old so am at peace with it all.

Try not to beat yourself up about it.

I had absolutely no control over the pushing. It just happened without any conscious action on my part. My body just completely took over!

I felt the urge to push at 1cm, never got past it and it ended up in a c-section. Don't worry about it OP. You did amazingly well.

To be honest when I gave birth I could no more have stopped myself pushing than stopped myself throwing up once you've started (revolting comparison and I'm sorry but it's the only thing that I can compare it to for an utterly involuntary reaction). Before that the urge to push was suppressible if you know what I mean, but when the baby was on the way nothing could have stopped it.

I've gone down a research rabbithole, and it's fascinating:

https://www.britishjournalofmidwifery.com/content/research/midwives-approaches-to-early-pushing-urge-in-labour/

Scroll past the jargon and get to the comments from midwives. It seems that there is often a feeling that pushing 'too early' will either tire out the mother or slow everything down, but more experienced midwives (especially those who have given birth themselves) don't discourage EPU (Early Pushing Urge).

Have you asked for a birth debrief?

Same with me.

When I hear about breathing through the push feeling I laugh.

The was NO WAY that I couldn't push, it was like saying to someone who is being violently sick 'just breathe through it'.

Your post really resonated with me OP - when I was about 8cm in the birthing pool I had overwhelming urge to push, in fact my body was pushing without me trying. Midwife said 'don't push yet'. So I then eas trying to stop the pushing but I couldn't control it and was told I didn't need to stop it, but not to actively push. So I was totally confused but unable to communicate that at that point in time. I was lucky in that I did go on to give birth with no intervention an hour or so later. Baby needed resuscitated though, and my mind would often ruminate on where it had all 'gone wrong'.

You can ask to go over your labour experience with a midwife. I did this while I was still in hospital (3 times!! - as I couldn't retain the info, I was so wiped out). But that was focused on the resusitation as that was where I was having intrusive thoughts. But a few years on, it's that being told not to push phase that plays on my mind.

I was exactly the same, there was no way the pushing was optional my body just did it, both times with both babies. I couldn't have prevented it.

I’m a midwife, I never discourage early urge to push. I fully believe (and there is evidence to back this up) that for a poorly positioned baby early pushing (if there is an urge) is the body’s way of getting the baby to use the pelvic floor muscles to rotate to a better position. Some doctors get fixed on the cervix swelling but I don’t believe there’s any evidence for this. Also for a multip pushing early if there’s an urge might mean the cervix opens fast, I’ve known women be 5cm and have a baby ten mins later

Thanks for replying and sorry this happened to you too on both occasions! Would be interesting to know why!

@Thankyouthankyoujellybean thanks so much for this!! All very interesting. I haven't asked for a debrief actually and I'm not sure if this is something I could do now. In two minds about whether it would be helpful or not.

When I felt the urge to push the midwife shouted at me and said I had delayed the birth by a couple of hours because by pushing I had swollen my cervix . I just went with what my body was telling me to do .

@pitterypattery00 thanks for your reply and sharing your own story. I think this approach of telling someone not to push is maybe not the best way to go because it is asking someone to fight against all their instincts.

It might be useful if they can explain their reasoning behind it, but it seems as though EPU is an acceptable if unusual birth experience and you might have been ok pushing. I think I'd rather know more, especially if you go on to have more children. EPU seems to be less likely if you've already had a child though.

I think it's usual for hospitals to offer a birth debrief up to a year after the event, so there's no rush if you're not ready to process it all.

@CoconutSty 100% the same here! I was induced and it took 39 hours in total. I was examined at about 38.5 hours to be told I was only 2-3cm dilated 😅
About 10 mins later my body started the most intense uncontrollable pushing and I could actually feel my baby moving up and down as each push stopped 😅 I said to midwife that something was happening and I needed examined and she told me I’d be checked in 4 hours as per their guidelines 😅 she left the room and I told the student midwife that was left that I absolutely needed an examination so she called the main midwife back who reluctantly examined me again and I was 10cm 😅
She kept telling me to stop pushing and breath through it etc, or to pant 🙈 I was like “I’m really not sure what part of this you think I have control over - I’m not even pushing” 😂 it was the weirdest sensation! My body wanted that baby OUT 😂

I never felt the urge to push at all at any time with either of mine- both completely unmedicated, so no drugs to interfere with anything.

I just pushed when I was told- it was very strange!

I had 2 emergency c sections (second was meant to be a planned c section but seems I can’t have straight forward births) and never got to a pushing stage but I had a debrief for my first birth 8 years later when I was pregnant with my second so you would definitely be able to request one if you wanted one. I had my second in August so not long before you.

Like a few PPs I had an emcs with DD after being in labour for what felt like an eternity and being told to stop pushing when I was only 6cm. It genuinely felt like DD was trying to force her way out of my body, and I had visions (thank you g&a) of her just turning around and rocketing out of my abdomen like the scene in Alien!

Im sorry you didn’t get to experience the birth you wanted, OP, I know it can be difficult. You can and absolutely should ask for a debrief, and explain how the situation made you feel even all these months later.

If you do go on to have a second, you’ll be in for a treat because they typically come a whole lot faster! When your body says push, you push.

Pushing when not fully dilated can be cause the cervix to become damaged (its not thin enough to stretch to allow all of baby through) leading to injury.
The urge to push before full dilation could be due to the baby being in an awkward position (also explains why you needed forceps).

I have three kids. Never had the urge to push other than with my second and like many of you was told it was too early etc. He was back to back

Women have also been hemorrhaging to death, dying from infection and babies stuck in the pelvis. All completely natural too.