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Work Probation Meeting On Tuesday. Pregnant & Worried I’ll Fail and Lose My Job

62 replies

NewbieToThis · 05/01/2024 13:50

Ok so I started working for a small cosmetics business back in May. It was originally meant to be a part time placement to get me into work then turned into more days including one paid day a week. I get decent pay for what I do and on top of disability benefits it helps. Hubby works too and earns a decent wage for his hours. After a stressful few years this job was one element of glueing my life back together (badly held back in life by various people with my disability and past mistakes used against me). I’ve always wanted kids and so has my husband. I do wish I’d met him much sooner and not wasted time or had my time wasted as I’m early 30’s so we started TTC last year expecting it to take much longer and having to fight for treatment.

I love my job and from get go I was doing pretty well. Learned new things and brushed up on skills by practising on other junior colleagues and clients. Yes I did make some minor mistakes but everyone does and we learn from them. Everything was really falling into place in my work. Expert training was lined up for me in October so I could carry out expert treatments on clients. I was buzzing. Once I found out I was pregnant in July I was happy because I’ve wanted a child. My intentions were to go back to work after May leave once my child is 6 or 7 months and into a strict routine. Well pregnancy exhaustion wiped me out especially in early pregnancy causing my ADHD to be worse not helped by thyroid being out of hack again. Add lots of worry that gathered in my head about things getting bad again like they did nearly 3 years ago and worrying over a support network I need to raise my child but might not get or be strained because of drama. This caused me to make more mistakes because physically and mentally I was drained and I have done my best to address and fix them which I feel I’ve improved. During this pregnancy I’ve beat myself up and got so angry at myself. I’ve had more low mood especially in work. I feel so inadequate now compared to how I felt in June and with my visual problems I feel I’ll struggle to find a job in this much loved industry. Before pregnancy I had a lot of training but now new girls and others have taken the training and my only way of getting better and getting to do clients is bring in my own but a lot of people let me down. I’ve done what I can to improve my mistakes and have come on leaps and bounds these past couple of months. I still feel dread for Tuesday though as I may not be seen as good enough. Yes they have been supportive and helped me with things but the training opportunities for last October I couldn’t do because of pregnancy as it involves working with cosmetic machines to carry out treatments which is understandable but if I had the choice to train which then I still would regardless of my pregnancy.

all this stressing and other stuff going on is making it hard to bond with my unborn son and making me regret falling pregnant. I feel if I lose my job on Tuesday then I’ll completely detach from him and consider giving him up. I’m sorry that sounds horrible and I know how lucky I am to be pregnant as babies are blessings and I did want one but only if they are raised in a lovely family with a good support network.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Pumpkinpie1 · 05/01/2024 14:04

I think you are over thinking this and panicking over nothing. Sounds like this is a normal review .
Breathe and try and relax , you are much more capable than you give yourself credit for x x

PonyPatter44 · 05/01/2024 14:08

Are you the lady who is worried she will fall over her bulldogs?

Look, there are obviously a lot of anxieties building up for you at present. Maybe take some time to calm down, write a list of the worst concerns and see what can be solved now, what can be dealt with after the baby arrives, and what you will just have to sit tight on. Make sure you're getting plenty of sleep and plenty of fresh air.

alcohole · 05/01/2024 14:16

You don’t sound rational

sorry but jobs in your industry are in decent demand - you could even be self employed in the future and just rent a chair. Just relax, it’s not the end of the road. It’s sad that this is something you might dump your baby over

MatildaTheCat · 05/01/2024 14:40

Your brain is in overdrive and your thoughts do not sound rational.

Have you spoken with anyone about these concerns? Your DH needs to know so he can support you. I’d also really recommend talking to your midwife as she may be able to access some professional support and give you some extra care during this stressful period.

Nobody here knows whether your review will go well or not. If you have previously done well there’s a good chance they won’t want to lose out on the investment they have made in your training. Many people struggle to be on top form during pregnancy. Being upfront to some degree may be helpful.

If, as an absolutely worst case scenario it doesn’t go well then other options and opportunities will be open to you. You have new skills and work experience. There is no reason at all to regret a much wanted pregnancy- that trumps any work placement.

Maybe try listening to some mindfulness podcasts or similar to give your brain a rest. If you feel your meds are out of kilter speak to your GP or hospital specialists.

Take care.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 05/01/2024 19:35

I had really awful anxiety when pregnant over all sorts of shit and looking back some of it (most of it) was completely irrational. I resigned from my job just before I discovered I was pregnant and it was a stressful time. Are you getting mental health help?

WashItTomorrow · 05/01/2024 21:06

You don’t sound very well. You can’t just decide to give your baby up if you lose a job or you don’t have a good support network. What do you do to enhance your support network? What do you do for other people? It’s all interconnected. It can’t just be you looking for support from others. Even your job, it seems like you think they should be “supporting” you. You are going to be a parent, so you need to be the one who does the supporting and is responsible. What does your DH think?

JMSA · 05/01/2024 21:11

Emotionally, you sound a bit immature. Really sorry - I don't mean to be hurtful when saying that.
Working while pregnant is normal and most of us do it. Please don't overthink things too much or cause undue stress to you and your baby. Everything will be alright x

Coffeespill · 05/01/2024 21:12

I didn't really bond with my unborn child tbh it took until they were born

Coffeespill · 05/01/2024 21:13

Have you had any feedback so far? Usually if you're going to fail probation they would have spoken to you previously.

tdino · 05/01/2024 21:20

Op you need to speak to your midwife or doctor.

You cannot suggest, as a well person, that losing one day paid a week work would make you give up your baby.

I'm not actually sure you should be working at all at the moment. Perhaps taking some time out, to concentrate on you and baby would be the best step.

What is the job? Why are there so many people in a new small business? Is it MLM

NewbieToThis · 07/01/2024 10:37

Hi. So sorry for the late reply. Thanks for all your lovely messages x

ill clear a few things up and answer some of the questions you have in this reply. Please remind me if I forget as pregnancy brain is terrible lol

i tend to be an over thinker and worrier by nature which is terrible. Pregnancy has made this anxiety and worrying worse. I worry about things getting bad again for me and my hubby as we went through emotional trauma during the time of our wedding and sometimes I’m reminded of that either by loved ones or my overthinking brain. I haven’t spoken to my midwife about how I’ve been feeling but if shit hits the fan on Tuesday and I end up in a mess then I will have to.

I do have good family and friends around me including in laws who have offered to help with baby when me and hubby need a break. I have offered a friend who has recently had a baby any help if she needs it. When the trauma happened nearly 3 years ago I felt I couldn’t rely on a lot of people as I was criticised if I did. My best friend and a close family member are arranging my baby shower which is lovely but I worry of any fallout happening between them as the trauma me and my hubby went through involved both families falling out and we were caught right in the middle of it which wasn’t nice. It caused us both to spiral mentally into a really dark place and that’s the last thing we need with a baby. My best friend is part of our main support network. She’s amazing and has offered to help with baby and take me out as I’m not that confident travelling on my own to unfamiliar places and being stuck in the house messes badly with my mental health. I’m scared that if a fall out where to happen with her and my family member that I would lose vital support and end up with postnatal depression as a result.

my job is in a beauty salon. In theory if anything where to happen I could get somewhere else but I don’t want to be forced to be a stay at home mum for ages while looking for a job. A couple other therapists joined the team when I got pregnant including one junior one and while I haven’t yet been able to do clients as training was given to them and they were given more opportunities for clients so they progressed to do clients whereas I do reception and set up rooms. I’m not complaining but really wanted to be doing clients by now. I feel because of the mistakes I made in early pregnancy and because my coping aids where taken away from me which made it harder to function and my head spiralled a bit it’s held me back. There’s times I’ve been in tears at work. I’ve had a colleague tell on me for a mistake or two which got me called in. I’ve been made to feel that I’m not good enough and all the training I did in college has just been a waste of time. I love the beauty industry and have always wanted to work there but maybe I should’ve just picked something else if I’m really shit. Unfortunately not a lot I’m good at. I thought I was good at some beauty treatments and makeup but maybe not. it’s that that’s resulted in me losing confidence in myself hence thinking my baby would be better off without me because they don’t deserve an unsuccessful unsupported broken version of me who won’t be able to give them a good life and especially if their grandparents fall out again then they will feel left out and like it’s their fault.

the comments about foster care and potentially having to place my child there is because a parent who can’t cope can voluntarily place their child in foster care for a period of time until their situation improves then get them back either gradually or right away.

OP posts:
NewbieToThis · 07/01/2024 10:38

Bump

OP posts:
NewbieToThis · 07/01/2024 10:46

I have been told in work a few times about mistakes and how to fix them and have done my best at addressing them and have improved I feel. My boss has made a comment or two about whether or not to keep me on. I get it if I kept making mistakes but I have worked hard to not repeat them and improve. My thyroid meds have needed to be increased twice and I feel my energy levels have improved a good bit. The first 3 months of my pregnancy I was a zombie and I couldn’t have a lot of coffee and had to cut out vaping both of which would have gave me vital energy and stress relief to push through

OP posts:
NewbieToThis · 07/01/2024 11:26

Bump

OP posts:
nothingcomestonothing · 07/01/2024 11:49

OP please show this thread to your midwife. You need MH support in RL and are not going to get what you need on an internet forum.

NalafromtheLionKing · 07/01/2024 12:00

I think you just need to really try to focus on the positive here ie your new baby.

Being totally honest, it doesn’t sounds like your job is going very well if you instantly got pregnant after starting and this has had a very negative impact upon your work almost from the beginning. Some time out to properly bond with your baby may do you good then perhaps, as a PP said, you could rent a chair when things calm down so you don’t have a manager pulling you up over every little mistake.

NewbieToThis · 07/01/2024 12:22

Thanks. The reason I got pregnant just after getting a job is because I thought it would take me ages to fall pregnant and if I waited potentially having a longer and harder road of ttc and because I hadn’t achieved much in life not to my standards and I couldn’t have a baby then I wouldn’t have much to show for in my life and I would be proving people who think I’m less than and beneath them right

OP posts:
NewbieToThis · 07/01/2024 12:22

on Tuesday I will update you all on how it went.

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 07/01/2024 12:32

I don’t want to be forced to be a stay at home mum for ages while looking for a job

This won't be a thing. Take one day at a time and try to distract yourself from these dark scenarios. When I was reading your OP, it actually felt to me like it would be no bad thing if this job went away as it's causing needless anxiety when you need to be putting yourself and your baby first. Your feelings will all change when you have the baby, you are bringing it into a good home by the sounds of it, not the kind of situation that fostering is there for, and you have skills and will get a job down the line when you want one. But those are all matters for another day. For now, look after yourself and try to do some nice things so you're not thinking about Tuesday and catastrophising about it all.

Pinkdelight3 · 07/01/2024 12:33

nothingcomestonothing · 07/01/2024 11:49

OP please show this thread to your midwife. You need MH support in RL and are not going to get what you need on an internet forum.

Also agree with this. Hope you get help and feel better soon.

Eleganz · 07/01/2024 12:33

Is there a reason you are still on probation over 6 months after you started? This seems massively excessive for the kind of role you are doing unless there has already been some issue.

Abbimae · 07/01/2024 12:36

JMSA · 05/01/2024 21:11

Emotionally, you sound a bit immature. Really sorry - I don't mean to be hurtful when saying that.
Working while pregnant is normal and most of us do it. Please don't overthink things too much or cause undue stress to you and your baby. Everything will be alright x

This. Please get some help- none of this is normal and you have to realise that you have to do a job properly, can’t make excuses all the time. You also can’t give up a baby because you are not getting your own way!

Boomboom22 · 07/01/2024 12:36

It does all sound quite chaotic, why are your and your dh parents talking so much they fall out? Are you all in a small town and enmeshed?
You do seem to make a lot of excuses about work, true of course but still not really ok. Maybe reception and set up is best, you can't be doing treatments if you make errors, these are people's faces / bodies here.

BintuBombatu · 07/01/2024 21:36

Is it really worth all this stress for one day a week?

Victoryai · 07/01/2024 21:43

You have posted multiple threads and posters have repeatedly advised you to get some support for your anxiety and mental health.

Mumsnet is not the place to seek this help.

You need to go to your GP and get some real life support.

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