Being a bit lax with contraception!

[Crunchie]

Has anyone else done this...or thought about it...

I don't really think I want another baby, I've got 2 beautiful dd's, however I find myself taking appalling risks with contraception. I think subconsiously I want the matter taken out of my hands and to have an accident!! I know this is mad, I can barely cope with the ones I have, but a niggling part of me wants another. Perhaps its because I have 2 girls and want a boy, maybe because I always imagined having 3, or perhaps I'm mad. Having a baby now would be difficult, but not impossible, but I think we have made the agreement not to have anymore. Am I really selfish or just plan insane!

But they didn't this time?? Chiarasmum -- are you hitting the refresh button before or after you post? That seems to double postings up....

I just know that I'm a very fertile person, age 35 or not. That's why I dare not get the IUD out.

Yes, I was hitting refresh. I'll stop doing that. Thanks. My big problem re: contraception is that I don't like the pill because it makes me crazy/emotional - I'm afraid of the IUD, and I am too lazy re: condoms/cerv cap or diaphragm. I may end up going on a weak pill - but then I don't like the idea of having to go OFF the pill 3 months before I want to get pg again. . . but it does seem like the best contraception for me -to not get pg right now - and at least for the next 6 monrhs or so. . . sorry i'm off topic. nothing else to say.

by the way, ellasmum - congratulations! even though it was unexpected, sounds as though it is a pleasant surprise for you. I couldn't deal now with another, but hopefully someday soon. . . and thank you Tinker for definition of broody - never heard that word before. I'm not broody now even though I'm being lax w/ contrac.

I think that I do want another one maybe someday, but life is getting here with 2 and having a third seems a real daft thing to do. Both of us are in agreement, so I am not decieving my dh, I know he would be delighted if I had an accident. I think though I must me more careful and waite a while, there is time (I'm 33) but I don't know if I'll want to go through all the sleepless nights again if I have a big gap!

I know I'm doing it because I'm confused and in a way want to take the matter out of my hands!!

Chiarasmom - you don't have to stop taking the pill three months before you conceive. You can stop taking the pill and try at the same time! Actually, there is some evidence of a super-fertile period just as you come off the pill. The hormones don't stay in your system as people think so there is no risk to your baby (there have been no side effects of people actually taking the pill throughout pregnancy even). Maybe you should experiment with various brands to try to find one that suits you best. There are dozens of them and they are all different.

* OT Feet & Chiarasmom *

You are the first person I've heard say about the painful feet in the mornings!! I've experienced this after my last two pregnancies, I hobble when I get out of bed, my GP just said 'oh dear' and offered no thoughts at all. It hasn't bothered me as much this time as I know it will go away eventually but it is really good to here someone else relating the same experience - I'm not alone wow I suffer very badly with oedema when p/g and think for me it's a lot to do with recovering from that.

hi crunchie, aloha, and cadi - I am in the U.S., so please forgive delay in responses - time zones and working part-time. I must say that I love being able to talk with you all. This is a great forum, and everyone is so analytical and helpful. I feel v. selfish going into someone else's topic and basically bringing in my own problems, but it so nice to know that everyone is basically trying to help each other by sharing their experiences. Thanks!
Crunchie - I understand what you are saying - an accident makes it seem sort of like divine intervention, and not something you have to decide - makes the "decision" easier, since in a way, you feel as though you are not really making one (even though you kind of are by not using contraception). Aloha - I have been told by numerous people that to be super-careful, it is best to wait 3 months after pill before attempting to get pg, due to possible birth defects, but I have never really asked my OB the question directly. I have thought about taking different types of pills, but I think I am limited to the "minipill" or whatever it's called since I am still nursing - sort of. dh and I are finding it v. hard to go back to condoms after a year of not using anything. We're LAZY!! Cadi - I don't know what oedema is, but it sounds horrible. I know that my feet still hurt, and I do feel like it's my body saying I'm not ready to go thru another pregnancy just yet. I think it is because I got up to 200 pounds in my 8th month. Shocking!!! I like having my old body back, although I can't seem to shed these last 10 pounds. I am vowing to try to exercise next time to try to stay in shape and not gain so much. My friends and I here always discuss the fact that being a mom requires quite a bit of athleticism - not just to go through the delivery, but childcare - picking up, bathing, etc. requires strong legs, strong arms, strong back, etc. I think so many people (not just men, but lots of women) don't realize this. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm not a young mom . . .

Have to agree with much that has been said esp. Lou33's comment. DS is now 14mo and I can't stop thinking about having another one. I think it might just be my body telling me that I'd better hurry up before time runs out esp as it took me over 8 years to get pregnant. Have been using contraception up until now but hardly know how to broach the topic of not using it to DH!

Chiarasmom, know how you feel re timezones and agree 100% with the athleticism. Wish I'd taken bodybuilding classes before becoming pregnant! ;-)
Son 24lbs + stroller 14lbs + purse/changekit/drink/toy/book 12lbs = too much to carry on/off buses, up/down flights of stairs!

Go for it, Snoobykat! I'll try to remember to let folks know if I'm feeling broody in 5 months.

Chiarasmom - sorry Oedema is water retention and I get it very badly - my whole body was bloated from within a few weeks of the p/g and my ankles swelled up so bad I could barely walk for fear of the skin tearing yeugghhhhhhh I have photos to remind me of how bad it was for when I get broody.

I don't know how much weight I gained during the p/g because I didn't weigh myself - I didn't want to know! But I was HUGE!! then some of that was the 11lb baby and her big placenta that I was carrying.

I know what you mean about having your old body back, I still really appreciate little things like being able to walk quickly and bend over to pick things up but the hobbling in the mornings reminds me that I'm nowhere near back to normal yet - guess it's a gentle reminder to us to be kind to ourselves

Thanks, Cadi. I am learning a lot from this website. I also had really bad water-retention maybe that is the cause of the feet ache. My shoes were 2 sizes larger than they are now - big Ugly Man Shoes. Anyway, hopefully feet will heal by the time I am feeling broody again.

Cadi, I know what you mean about the weight gain - I managed 4 stone without the swater retention you had. However, like you, big baby, big placenta: lost 2 stone in 5 days!

The memory of my birth(s) is enough to make me stop and think when I get broody.

Chiarasmum - I promise, there is no risk whatsoever of birth defects caused by becoming pregnant just after coming off the pill. It's a total myth. The suggested wait is just to let your cycle become more regular so the midwife can date your pregnancy accurately (which frankly, I think is more interesting to them than it ever was to me). I also promise you that if the pill was in any way linked to birth defects it would have been banned long ago. The minipill is a pain because it has to be taken at the same time every day - no real leeway but you're right, it is the only one you can take while breastfeeding. I am surprised it affects you like this as the hormone dose is tiny. Be very careful if you really don't want to get pregnant!

So just how lax is lax? I can feel myself heading this way and wonder what you all classify as taking a risk. Especially pill takers.

Yep soupdragon - I lost 2 stone in a week after the birth too - amazing isn't it!

Sorry you had not good birth experiences I had a wonderful time last time around but she was/is our 'grand finale' last weeks split condom permitting that is!!

On the risk taking issue, we practiced the withdrawal method for 10yrs (when we weren't trying to conceive). Our last baby is a withdrawal method baby We don't do that anymore but it was strange that it worked so long for us, we know the night she was conceived but it wasn't even one of those nights when we thought 'oh dear that was close'.

I would classify as risk taking having sex without a condom, or not taking the pill properly (ie one every day, within 12 hours of your usual time) or basically without using any form of contraception properly. Anything else is risky! If a condom split I always went for the morning after pill. If I forgot a pill for more than 12 hours I would use a condom for the recommended time (week?).I never once had a pregnancy scare because I was so careful! I'm a little less careful now because I'm married and have ds and wouldn't mind another so being pg would be fine really. eg, when taking the minipill it would sometimes be later than the window allowed. I've met so many people who say 'but we only took a risk once!' but getting pg isn't a cumulative thing

I don't know what contraception to take at the mo. I can't take the combined pill because I become a monster, the mini-pill made me bleed for ages so I was taken off that, the injection made me want to become a nun, I really don't fancy a coil much, it's bad enough going for a smear, but psychologically I can't bear the idea of a coil, femidoms and spermicidal caps - forget it! So we're using condoms which are a pain, not very romantic and risky. Is there anything I can do to lower my chances of having an accident?

Have you tried different brands of pill? Each is different and one might suit you. It's such an effective and unobtrusive form of contraception I can't imagine relying on anything else long term.

Yup, taken about 3 different types, I was on a really mild one last time, but it made no difference, was still a monster. As for mini-pill, I can't go back on that until I get doc's say so. Never trusted that anyway tbh.

Rhubarb - you are going thru same questions I am. Since condoms are such a hassle - I've decided that the pill is the way to go. Maybe you should also try different kinds?? I have actually never tried mini-pill, although I have a pack from the Ob and also have a prescrip for more. I am really surprised to hear what Aloha is saying re: pill/birth defects. I'm going to start mini-pill on the 1st sunday after my next pd. Thanks for the advice!

As far as I've gone is taking two pills at once having forgotten one. Also not using alternative methods the few days following antibiotics. Which in previous times I would have done.

Am I the only one who thinks condoms are great? DH has been forced to use them for years now because I think they are brilliant. No messy wet patch afterwards. DH has to get up afterwards and deal with the gloopy stuff and I just get to roll over & go to sleep. Bliss! To date, never had a ripped one or encountered any problems.

I think that aspect of them is very good too Bugsy and I have been known to somewhat spoil the post-coital atmosphere by pointing this out to DH. . But for me the benefits of being on the pill (ie reasonable periods) mean I wouldn't be happy not on it.

I'm with you on the lack of mess factor esp when it happens half way through the following day! On the other hand, 35 wks pg and the only explanation is a leaky one... Don't ask what we're going to do post baby since I can't take the pill, hate the mini-pill and wouldn't like to be in that 1% failure area for a while at least!

Bugsy, I think you have a very cooperative dh. I think condoms are great, but dh can't stand them. . .