Being a bit lax with contraception!

[Crunchie]

Has anyone else done this...or thought about it...

I don't really think I want another baby, I've got 2 beautiful dd's, however I find myself taking appalling risks with contraception. I think subconsiously I want the matter taken out of my hands and to have an accident!! I know this is mad, I can barely cope with the ones I have, but a niggling part of me wants another. Perhaps its because I have 2 girls and want a boy, maybe because I always imagined having 3, or perhaps I'm mad. Having a baby now would be difficult, but not impossible, but I think we have made the agreement not to have anymore. Am I really selfish or just plan insane!

My last son is 9 months old, i had alot of probs with dd so both myself and dh had strongly agreed after we had our 2nd child that we would have no more children.Before conceiveing no 3 i also took stupid risks with contraception, i thought i didnt want any more children but i think i must have really or i would not have took such risks.I am ashamed to admit that i took the the decision to stop taking my contraception and to "fall" pregnant and be very "shocked" when i told dh, it was quite strange as after a month of no contraception dh told me he would like another baby and asked me to stop taking the pill, i am so glad he did because i really could not have coped with such doing something like that. if i would have got pregnant without dh knowing it would have been awfull.Maybe if you are fully aware that you are taking such risks then deep down you do want another child, have you broached the subject with your dh, maybe just making the decsion to have anther baby in the future and not right now would clear things up in your own mind. I must say i am very glad i didnt fall pg without dh knowing, i suppose i was lucky that dh had also wanted another baby at that time.

My own theory is that it is human instinct to breed as much as possible, although in modern times we usually supress it. I think that after about 14 months our bodies start telling us it's time for another baby, sort of survival instinct. I get the same feelings after every baby, which probably explains why I have 4! And explains why I got sterilised!

Must admit i also got steralised in sep, i could not cope going through wanting another baby, i also must admit i thought i would really regret it but after i knew i had done the right thing.

Yes and we have two (almost - 6wks to go) children to prove it! Apparently accidents don't happen to people who don't want to have children; personally I just got bored trying to remember to take my mini pill at the same time every day.

Both of mine were due to lax attitude towards contraception, too.

It sounds like, Crunchie, if you do fall preggers you'll be a lovely mother to No.3. I do think that a child shouldn't be brought into the world unless you know you're going to be devoted to her/him.

lou33, I think it is v interesting what you say about the body wanting to have another baby after 14 months. dd is 8 months old - and my feet still hurt from that pregnancy. does anyone have that - in the morning?? i also really don't want to get pregnant now and have virtually no sex drive, although i am 36 yrs old and would eventually like to have another before it is too late. i am breastfeeding just once a day now and am wondering when i will feel ready to have another baby?? do others feel the same way at 14 months? also when did your body feel well enough to get pg again - is it related to breastfeeding?

Maybe that's just it, I fell p with No2 at around 14 - 15 months (they are 2 yrs apart) and now No2 is 20 months and dh and I have discussed it at length, time and again. The problem is I think that rationally neither of us want another one (no money, not wanting more sleep deprevation etc) but at the same time we both would also kinda like another one since we are both one of three, and we always planned to have 3. It's just after 2 we have ruled it out for now. I know I am being deliberate about 'forgetting' the pill, but I also know we would be be happy to have another one (at times!). However sometimes I feel totally bogged down with teh two I have and think I must be insane to even contemplate a third. I am just muddled up, so this laxness is a way to force the issue one way or another and pretend to take it out of my hands!

I think I agree that if you really don't want to become pg, you don't.

Chiarasmum - do you mean that literally about your feet hurting? I've always had fairly flat feet and they got really bad with the extra weight of pregnancy. I now wear inserts in my shoes to build my insteps up and it makes the world of difference.

And now back to the original line of conversation......

hi - yes - when i wake up in the morning, i have trouble walking. i gained 60 pounds when I had dd. it's like the bones in the feet all hurt - it eventually goes away - w/in about half an hour - but it makes me think my body is just not ready to get pregnant again? make any sense?
even though i never feel like having sex and definitely would NOT want to get pg now, i also have been lax lately w/ contraception - like crunchie. makes me think maybe i DO want to have another, but body is saying please NO! It's like your mind and body are saying different things. Or like Crunchie, you're trying to determine what you want by your actions (or inactions). Meid, I don't have flat feet - i think it was just the extra substantial weight. i read some research that says that the body is really not recovered from delivery until at least 18 months after birth. . .

hi - yes - when i wake up in the morning, i have trouble walking. i gained 60 pounds when I had dd. it's like the bones in the feet all hurt - it eventually goes away - w/in about half an hour - but it makes me think my body is just not ready to get pregnant again? make any sense?
even though i never feel like having sex and definitely would NOT want to get pg now, i also have been lax lately w/ contraception - like crunchie. makes me think maybe i DO want to have another, but body is saying please NO! It's like your mind and body are saying different things. Or like Crunchie, you're trying to determine what you want by your actions (or inactions). Meid, I don't have flat feet - i think it was just the extra substantial weight. i read some research that says that the body is really not recovered from delivery until at least 18 months after birth. . .

Getting pregnant while deliberately being lax with contraception is an accident in the same way that you'd have a road accident if you deliberately lay down in front of a bus!! & that's not a critical comment by the way. I do think it's a sign you are broody. I suppose in the past women didn't have to always make a choice about having babies, which was awful in many ways, but the pressure to have enough money/bedrooms/maternity leave/be in right place in career is also hard for lots of us. I'm feeling a bit like that at the moment. Would probably like another, but life is so easy at the mo, and so pleasant and I can work and childcare doesn't cost a fortune and I can take ds anywhere etc etc...

what is "broody"?

Feeling that you want to have a child, chiarasmom

Our No4 baby arrived on the scene because once I'd passed 40 I was so busy reading up about the menopause that contraception went out of the window. It was a shock, tbh, but she's wonderful - annoying, but wonderful!

I can't say I've experienced the 14mths thing. We have 4.5, 8 and 9 yrs between ours, so you've a bit of time to play with, Crunchie.

Just to pick up on what Crunchie said - "if you really don't want to become pregnant you won't" or something like that. I became pregnant whilst really, really trying not to. The pill was turning me into a monster so I came off it and we used condoms for a while whilst I figured out what to do. We knew exactly what we were doing, went to family planning to find out what the risks where, the safest way of using them and so on. To this day we do not know what went wrong, but something did, once, and as a result my dd was born. I would not change her for the world now, but my point is that you can become pregnant by accident, it doesn't mean that your mind or body secretly wants a baby at all!

I agree - my friend used condoms, one split, so she took the morning after pill - but she still got pregnant and had a lovely little girl after two boys, so now they are all delighted. But she really didn't want another baby at the time. However, if you are knowingly not using contraception it's not really an accident

I am frankly amazed you are all having sex post children

I definitely didn't want another one this soon - DD is nearly 8 months and I now find myself 9 weeks pregnant. We had literally had sex 3 times since DD so I am feeling really unlucky!!!

Sounds awful to say unlucky when so many people are desperate for babies but at the moment I wish we had been more careful - me being a Biology teacher too!!!!!

ellasmum, i can relate to what you are saying - the few times we have had sex -every time unprotected, i get very scared that i might get pg - but not enough to pull out a condom or take any other proactive contraceptive measure. back to the original conversation - ellasmum, just cuz you had unprotected sex (i'm assuming this is the case since you are pg) - i don't think that meant you wanted to get pg. right? in other words, i think we may take risks we know may result in getting pg, but it is not necessarily what we want. i think that just cuz crunchie is being risky doesn't necessarily means she wants to get pg. it's probably the case that we know that on the off-chance we got pg, it wouldn't be the end of the world. in other words, even though it might not be the ideal time, we know that we might eventually want to get pg again. so i'm thinking crunchie that the fact that you are risking it means - now may not be the ideal time, but you may kind of, sort of, want number 3 someday maybe . . .

I became pregnant with ds no.3 when ds no.2 was 7 months old. I was breastfeeding and had taken about 8 months to get pregnant with the first 2. We decided not to use contraception and just see what happened - not expecting it to happen so soon It can also be quite exciting leaving it all to chance.

I think taking risks is OK if you definately do not mind if you become pregnant. Unfortunately I see many women who have not bothered with contraception (males as well) who are devastated when pregnancy occurs, because they didn't think it would happen to them. This often results in a termination. Yes 'accidents' happen using contraception, but using termination as a means of contraception is going into dangerous water.

I'd love to have another one, my ds's are just 4, but life has got so much easier now their older. Dh and I have discussed it and he isn't keen !! We are very happy together, only just getting a bit of our social life back, and having time for each other.My parents have just started taking the boys, over night for us occacionally.
I would realy love another and wonder sometimes if I'll ever regret not doing it, but I love Dh too. When I hear of friends/aquainteces divoceing, I'm just glad of what I have.

i am wondering how much age has to do with it? i am wondering if the risk-takers (lax w/ contraception, but not necessarily trying to get pg) are in their mid to upper 30s - like me??

Chiarasmom - you are right I didn't use contraception but also didn't really want to get pregnant - stupid stupid me!!! But equally it is not the end of the world - if it happened again though it would be a totally different story as I do not want more than 2 children. Therefore I shall be investing heavily in condoms after number 2.

Also, age wise I am 28 so still had plenty of time for number 2.

i am wondering how much age has to do with it? i am wondering if the risk-takers (lax w/ contraception, but not necessarily trying to get pg) are in their mid to upper 30s - like me??

sorry i seem to be doing something wrong, as my messages always appear twice.