Two under Two - is it worth it?

[dancingzebra]

I have a child who is coming up to 5 months and hoping to start trying again Sept / Oct this year. If we fell pregnant fairly quickly I'd have two under two. Any advice as to whether it's a good or bad idea?

My girls are 7 months and 27months and it's hard work but great! At the moment it's a constant conveyer belt of nappies, lunch's, naps, breastfeeding, the house is always a tip and getting out the house takes forever but I love the age gap.

They have a great bond already and as the little one gets older and they are at more similar development stages it will be so worth it to have them close together! Such a personal decision though and I will say I felt like I missed out on the 'newborn bubble' the second time round as you can't just laze about soaking in your newborn and going for relaxing walks etc when you have a crazy toddler in tow! There are pros and cons to all age gaps I think but I'm very happy with a 20 month gap!

I have 4 girls, 11,10,5 and 3; there are 18 months between the first two and then 5 years and then 18 months again - 100% worth the small age gap - they are so close they play well, both ages have similar interests, can do similar activities etc, I’m a firm advocate of smaller age gaps (even tho I then had 5 years!) if you can get pregnant go for it!!!

Can you afford double nursery fees?

@Matilda1981 wow hats off to you doing it twice!!

I thought it was a good idea to get the baby stage over with in one go because if I got out of it, I don't think I'd do it again.

I just didn't consider the fact that I'd get pregnant with twins and will now have 3 under 2. I'm 23 weeks now and still reeling, to be honest.

Something to consider.

I've only regretted the age group as they have gotten older.

I loved it when they were small but now they are all leaving at almost the same time.

19 month gap. The first year is HARD because your oldest is still so little and needs you so much too.

Now at 4 and 2.5 and it's great, they adore each other and it's mostly pretty chilled. Very little sibling jealousy - older can't remember life without younger (though this only works if you are scrupulously fair and don't give them a reason to learn to be jealous 😂)

I kept the car stocked at all times with nappies, wipes, spare clothes, blankets, snacks, books 😅 but it made it easier to get out the door!

But, on balance, I wouldn't change a thing

I had four under 3. Now 17, 18,18 and 20

Yep small gap, closer the better 16 months and its fantastic. Play so well together, can do the same stuff etc. Soon hard when they are small, but so good when a little bigger, like 4 plus

I didn't have that gap but had an absolutely horrendous time with my youngest. No way would I have survived it with a closer gap than what I had, it really was just so difficult.

I’d say it depends if you have a support network and also if you can afford the nursery fees (assuming you need / will use nursery). There’s also the physicality of it / body still recovering from first pregnancy / birth etc. I’m the long run I think it’s easier but from the families around me I’d say they have found it hard / tiring and sibling rivalry has been intense for the first few years. 3/3.5 seems to be a sweet spot and what we are aiming for but fully accept that they will likely not being doing the same things etc but I have enjoyed DS having my full attention and now can give that to his younger brother too. Swings and roundabouts. What I would say is that my brother and I are 14 months apart and fought our whole lives-a small age gap will not guarantee they will be pals!

I have a 19 month gap. The first year is brutal and it feels like everything is happening at the same time- potty training, weaning, terrible 2s with a crawling baby, no sleep etc.... Also double nursery fees!!

But, they are now 2 and 4 and its amazing! They are best friends and are into the same toys so play nicely. And the morning cuddles when they both get into bed and say they love each other 😍

12 months between dc1 & dc2. They are now adults. I loved it & they are still very close.

"If you're changing 1 nappy you might as well change two" was my motto. You are all geared up for a baby when you have your firstand adding an extra 1 isn't much more work at all.

There was never any jealousy as DC was only just 1 when DC2 was born and they never remember not being the 2 of them.

The only way it would have been better was if they were twins.

Only thing to think about is the cost of childcare as I did work part time when they were babies but it was only tough for the first 4 years and we got through it.

Both DC were planned, although we didn't realise how quickly I'd fall pregnant with dc2.

No negatives in my experience & I thoroughly recommend it to everyone.

Good luck

It is worth it imo. I had 19m between DS1&2 and then 23m between DS2 and DD so three in 3.5 years

Didn't need childcare as I stayed home.
It has been great at all stages.
They are now 19, 18 and 16 and vv close. We are all on holiday together It the moment and the older 2 still want to come away as a family even though they are at uni and have 'left home'.
The older two socialise at the pub etc together and have shared school friends from being in sixth form together. They all play the same sport and spent Boxing Day morning at the club playing on the same team (mixed).
They were all into the same stuff at the same time. No one was bored.
They always were a unit and still are.
It was hard when DD was a baby. And also hard during exam years (we have had years of constant external exams and finally have a year off this year as DD is year 12).
DD is finding it tough now her brothers have moved out and is a little lonely.
But overall I'd say it was good. My friends with DC with a c 3 year age gaps seemed to struggle most with maintaining sibling relationships.

20 month gap here. 1st year with two were the most exhausting of my life. 2nd year got better. Been reaping the rewards ever since! They play together, help each other and are so close. They are also worst of enemies but that's siblings for you!

13 months between my 2. It's hectic but they are adorable together. As someone else said. Doing 1 nappy, might as well do 2. 1 has a drink, we all have a drink. The youngest is slightly behind where the eldest was at the same age but I think that's because the eldest speaks for both of them and youngest lets her.
The only downside at the moment is double nursery fees which are almost £2000 a month.

I am 6 months in. Eldest is 26 months. 20 month gap is brutal.
I think it depends on how hands on your husband is too. My eldest is a climber so I cannot leave her for 2 minutes.
Some mornings I hear one of them wake up and I love the bones of them but I could honestly cry.
I'm waiting patiently to reap the rewards of two close in age but trying to make the most of them as babies at the same time is mentally exhausting.

Yep, go for it, 21 months here, first year was wild but been a blast ever since, both now teens, it's been great to have them near enough at the same stage throughout, so easy for interests, toys, places to visit etc.

19m gap here. Will echo others, first year is TOUGH. Never been so happy to go back to work and be a real person and not mummyyyyy. They're now 2.5 and 4 and it's so good. They play so well together and are best friends. My son tells his big sister daily how much he loves her (she's not quite so loving in return) and they always look out for each other and make sure the snacks are shared equally.

I went back to work 3 days a week and only needed 1 day in nursery thanks to family help so double nursery wasn't a killer. Can only see it getting better!

Top tip - Out n About Double Nipper buggy. Lifesaver.

@biggreenboat yes! I genuinely love that buggy! 😂

20 months here, the youngest is 8 months old, and love it! It's bloody tiring, of course, but it's so lovely seeing them play together and as my little one has started becoming more of a person and less of just a baby they're interacting and it's just gorgeous. I also don't love the baby stage, so getting it out the way is a bonus. Things that help are a husband who more than pulls his weight, and keeping the older one in nursery during my maternity leave so I had a couple of days a week with just one baby! We'd like a third and would aim for a similar age gap again, so it can't be all bad!

Had my 2 close together. One in Spring one year, and the other in Autumn the next year. Was quite hard but not as bad as I was expecting. I think having one 3 or 4 y.o. and a newborn would have been harder. JMO. But it seemed easier somehow having 2 'babies' and neither of them ever knew a life without the other so there was never really resentment or jealousy.

I had no issue breastfeeding as baby 1 stopped at 6 months. Then I breastfed baby 2 til 6 months old too. We had a bedroom each for them - so they didn't wake each other up. Younger one had older one's clothes so we never really had to buy 2 lots, until school - 2 of everything uniform wise!!! And they squabbled like cat and dog as teens, (for about 3 years!) But by the time they left school they were great pals. Now both late 20s they are like soulmates. Really close! (Both girls/young women.)

Beach days and picnics and Christmases were such fun and we had so many laughs and played board games and video games and all sorts... Me and the kids and DH. They live half hour drive from me and DH now, and we genuinely do miss them being here every day ... (We see them 2 or 3 times a month for a few hours, and for birthdays, Easter, and Christmas, Mothers Day, our anniversary, and Fathers Day.) We do speak on whatsapp most days though, and communicate on twitter and facebook.

They are very busy young professionals now, and I know one day, I will see more of them when they have kids. (They both want them eventually.)

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I had mine close together deliberately. The first year especially was difficult, not made easier by ex-H leaving when the younger one was 4 months old! I've been a lone parent since then and they are now 5 and 6. I am so glad they are close in age, though and wouldn't change it.

They have so much fun together, play together all the time, laugh so much, are best friends (despite the squabbles). People often mistake themm for twins. They are close in a way I just do not see with their friends and siblings with larger gaps of 2.5-3 years or even more who tend to view their younger siblings as an irritation or love them but have limited meaningful interaction with them in terms of playing together. They will have so many shared childhood memories and they are as thick as thieves with their plots! 😆

Obviously it'll depend on personalities too and those with larger gaps may become closer later when the gap isn't quite so enormous in terms of stages/ interests/ capabilities but that wouldn't happen until late teens, at best.

It was certainly worth the initial challenges to give them the relationship they have with each other: with the same exact personalities but say 3 years between them their relationship would be nothing like it is.

I also have two friends who did similar to me, albeit with a slightly larger gap of maybe 20 months between theirs and I see the same with their children: they all have incredibly close and loving sibling relationships and play together loads. Between the three of us we have all of the combinations of sexes too: one has two DDs, one two DSs and one set as one of each.

I will always remember fondly my one year old son playing with his sister in her high chair making her laugh, or lying down on her playmat with her. He adored her from the first time he met her, was desperate for her to be able to play together. He taught her to crawl when she was 5 months old. She hated it when he went for his nap after lunch and at 7/8 months old started crawling up the stairs to try to find him! Lesson learned about locking he stairgate. Their bond is something really special.

I have no family help and it was just me and them from early on, it can be done OP so if it's what you want I would go for it. The childcare costs were horrific of course, although I believe now there is going to be more funding so it's not £2000+ per child per month anymore.