Positive birth stories please - so nervous

[janbaby24]

Please be kind. I'm so nervous of giving birth and have a fear of having a very painful, horrible or near death experience.

I keep seeing so many traumatic birth experiences on here and I'm getting so scared. I am 35 weeks pregnant and I have no idea what to expect, except pain! Please can somebody give me their positive birth experiences so I can read them in the lead up to delivery.

Thank you 😞

Thank you all so much! I have read through each response this morning and feeling a lot more positive.

I will look into that hypnobirthing course people have mentioned and have purchased a tens machine this morning. Thank you 🙏

Aw so glad you feel more positive! Hypnobirthing is really good because it helps you understand the why and how of whats happening. If you can reframe the pain as productive rather than because youre injured thats really helpful.

There are LOADS of contraction timing apps out there, and I'm sure others will have recommendations, lots are free, but I loved the Freya app (from the positive birthing company (hypnobirthing, also follow their instagram, they share positive birth stories!) Because it was easy to use, comes with visualisation or relaxing music if that's your thing, and it also sends you a positive message/affirmation each morning like 'each surge brings me closer to my baby' etc. Not for everyone but really worked for me, and I found myself repeating those messages in labour to keep me going x

What ever will be will be, NCT classes helped us prepare for everything. I felt the same, but felt with a eduction behind me when things went a bit sides ways I was capable of processing it quite well at the time. Every birth is so different you don't know what to expect. It might be simple it might not. It was the afterbirth for me! Almost did me in; things happen. Keep that support network around you xxx

I've had 3 easy labours and births. Last one was twins and ended up with them having to be delivered quickly but it wasn't traumatic at all.

Do Optimal Fetal Positioning. Get on your hands and knees, lie on your left side and lean forwards onto a kitchen worktop whilst really relaxing your belly. Don't spend hours slumped on the sofa - sit sideways leaning on your left side. Drink raspberry leaf tea.

All of that helps to get the baby into a good position as it descends into the pelvis over the next few weeks. Which makes for an easier labour ☺️

I mean, it is painful to a degree, there's no getting away from that fact, but there are some positives to focus on:

1. have all the drugs! I can confirm there's no medal for doing it without. My consultant friend was strongly of the view "this is the 21st century, we have safe ways to manage pain if you want - use them!!"

2. I feared being totally "out of it " but I found both times there was no point I couldn't hold a reasonably coherent conversation between contractions/pushes. That could be different for different people.

3. you get to not be pregnant at the end of it! I had such bad sickness all the way through, I was so much happier even a few hours after giving birth than being pregnant. Also, you get a baby

4. you might feel sore post birth but it will probably heal fairly quickly (I was back horse riding a surprisingly few weeks after my episiotomy 😅) - just look after yourself, take any meds/do any dressing changes as advised

Fabulous birth with my second, even though she was huge, over 9lb! Gas and air doesn't work well for me so I had no pain relief but that's an individual choice. Born in the birth pool.

I put it down to:
A fab midwife who listened to me and helped me trust my body
The pool!
Refusing all vaginal exams as they had been so painful with my first (and explaining why and having a plan if they were medically necessary)
Knowing that it doesn't last forever!! The pain stops immediately baby arrives.

I found the book Birth Skills by Juju Sundin very helpful. I was lucky and had two completely straightforward births in a midwife-led unit attached to a hospital. Good luck x

Don't worry OP! You'll have access to pain relief & medical support, as needed.

My labour pains were mostly fine, only very painful for a short while. So much so on my first, I didn't go to hospital until I was 7 cm dilated because they didn't feel that bad.

It's different for everyone, for me, it was a productive sort of pain, not the type where you are sick; and for a lot of the labour you'll get some relief between contractions.

It may be easier than you fear; but if not, you have the choice of pain relief to take the pain away.

My son's birth was 36 hours. Contractions were 45 mins apart for most of it and all were manageable, no pain relief required. The only actual painful part for me was the transition period when I arrived at the hospital. Once that was over, I didn't feel any pain at all. Pushing was like vomiting but down instead of up. I was 10cm when I was triaged and immediately taken to the delivery room. My son was born two hours later. He came out at a funny angle and I had an episiotomy resulting in a 3B tear because of this. But it was fine. I didn't feel it and was repaired in surgery and have no lasting problems.

After he was born I said 'Well that was fine, I'd do that again.'

I did the Positive Birth Company's course too by the way. It definitely helped me to understand how labour worked which made me feel more confident going into it. I was prepared for all eventualities and my husband and I had decided in advance how we would deal with each.

Good luck, OP! :)

Get a qualified hypnotherapist to talk directly to you, they will deal with your specific fears. Mine also did something called time dilation so the time between the contractions felt lik it lasted forever and the time of the contractions felt very quick and wierdly not a problem. I walked into the hospital quite happily having contractions at however many minutes apart it is and the nurse was amazed that I was about to pop. The whole thing was amazing, painful, but a good pain. I was also not frightened and trying to fight, but able to go with it and feel the whole wierd amazing wonderful feeling. Totally brilliant. Y
you also then have an amazing skill which means you can relax at the drop of a hat. Very useful with a new born!

I had elective sections with both babies and they were fab. So quick and straightforward. I was never in any pain - just achey and uncomfortable. Recovery was a breeze too. Overall it hurt less than having my eyebrows threaded and recovery was much easier than wisdom tooth removal.

Nothing but positive things to say and I am an absolute wuss.

Ask for a section. Brillant.

@janbaby24 please come back and tell us how you got on. Good luck!

My hospital do not have gas and air available at the moment which is making me even more nervous I might have to do it without pain relief. I am seeing my midwife next week to discuss birth options and I might ask about an elective c section.

@ColourByNumbers88 thank you. I will make sure I update afterwards.

Is there any particular reason why you would go straight for an elective C-section rather than trying for a vaginal birth with an epidural?

It's worth noting that if all you have is gas and air, that is basically an unmedicated birth. Gas and air doesn't relieve pain, it just makes you feel as high as a kite. An epidural is actually proper pain relief.

I too am amazed at how many women claim to have had a traumatic birth experience. I didn't realise so many were like this (although often the 'trauma' isn't detailed).

I've had two DDs and both births were pretty straight forward. First DD was back to back with me, so quite painful, but both DDs delivered with just gas and air. I had a minimal tear with 2 stitches on one birth, but it healed quickly and well.

i'm sure for every traumatic birth, there are hundreds of others that are straight forward. You only get to hear about the bad ones though, so it warps your perspective. Maybe do some meditation in the next few weeks OP. The more relaxed you are, the easier things will be.

I've added three very positive births without intervention. Even though two were back to back, no epidural etc were needed.

I think it's normal to be nervous, but the fact that people willingly do it again shows that you soon forget the pain. Good luck.

I think my fear is getting to the hospital and being denied the epidural for some particular reason (this is my irrational 'worse case scenario' brain speaking). @MargotBamborough

OK, well I live in France where most women have an epidural and no woman would ever be denied one unless it really was too late.

I was about to reply to @2Old2Tango's post actually saying that "traumatic births" being common seems to be a UK thing. In France the only woman I know who had a traumatic birth didn't have time for an epidural, basically.

I'm not going to lie, you do hear of women who want epidurals being fobbed off in the UK. But if you want one it is your right to have one and you should stand your ground.

It actually makes me really angry that women are considering having an elective C-section just because they're worried they won't get an epidural if they ask for one.

I would discuss this with your midwife at your next appointment. It is 100% legitimate to say, "No thanks, I don't want gas and air or whale music, I want an epidural as soon as I am in active labour and that is my decision."

@MargotBamborough Thank you so much. Yes I have a couple of friends who were not able to have one.

The first arrived at the hospital and was too far gone so they said it was too late as baby was coming.

The second, had to wait for the anaesthetist as they were busy and by the time they became available, it was already too late (she had a very tough labour because of this) - ended up as emergency c section.

I think as long as I go to the hospital and make sure I stand firm that this is what I want, I should be okay.

Sorry that should have read:

*get to the hospital in good time

Seriously, talk to your midwife about this - spell it out, ask whether there's anyone else you need to speak to in order to get this on your notes and be sure of it. Many women take the attitude that they will only ask for an epidural as a last resort, which means by the time they ask, it is often too late and they are encouraged to keep going without.

If you definitely want one, make it clear from the very beginning and keep asking. Ask when is the earliest you can have it - e.g. X cm dilated, contractions X mins apart - and keep track once on labour, don't let up. Also, some midwives have beliefs about epidurals that doctors tend not to share - so if your midwife is fobbing you off about this, see if you can speak to a doctor.

I suspect once you start asking for an elective C-section, they will suddenly be keener to facilitate an epidural!

Thank you @Whiskerson Meeting her next week so I'll be sure to make this the focus and that everything is clear in my notes!

Started the hypno birthing course as well and it's amazing - thank you everyone for recommending x

Yes, this is really good advice, do this.

My personal preference is for a lightly dosed epidural done fairly early on, so you can rest if you want to but still remain mobile if you want to move around.