Petrified about giving birth

[Daisychain98]

Only a month pregnant and already I am absolutely petrified about giving birth. My anxiety is consuming me. I feel like I can’t do this I am so scared. I was over the moon when we found out as we were TTC. How did you deal with your anxiety?

I'm sure all women feel this to some extent, just remember billions of women have done this and do this. Do you research and try to have a natural birth if possible, it can actually be a beautiful experience

It is the most euphoric experience, albeit in hindsight. I am not going to pretend it’s comfortable, I’ve done it a few times and it’s humbling. However I had epidurals, gas and air, tens machines, deep baths during labour, anything and everything going to make the experience better.

Knowledge is power, so the more you know about your body, the baby and their position and how your body prepares itself for labour the more confident you’ll feel. Also I kept telling myself that women all over the world do this every day, my grandmother gave birth to seven children without pain relief so if she did it I can too.

Talk to the women in your life who have done this already, they’ll be honest but they won’t want to upset you - start there for reassurance.

Do not watch one born every minute, I cannot think of anything worse.

I’m always sad to hear that some women had a ‘brutal and scary’ experience of birth. It wasn’t like that for me. I think it’s really unfair to tell OP to ignore ‘natural birthers’.

Are people who have taken a more natural route and had a good experience of birth posting on here telling the OP to ‘ignore the women who choose caesareans without medical need?’ (Not saying that tokophobia is not a medical need- it is, but not all women who choose a C-section are actually phobic).

How about we all just encourage OP to read, watch and listen to different resources about birth. Maybe attend some antenatal classes to learn about birth, pain relief options, caesareans, breastfeeding, formula feeding etc. Only the OP can make the decisions that are right for her, based upon being well-informed, and doesn’t need to be told by posters not to listen to other posters who have had a different experience.

Go for an epidural if it’s the pain you’re worried about. I’ve given birth twice and both were very different. I was curious about the process rather than scared but you do have to drown out the women who are keen to tell you how terrible their experience was and how excruciating the pain is. It is painful but it’s a different kind of pain to say breaking your leg. Try to find positive birth stories. And expect a certain lack of dignity. I was really worried about this but honestly you won’t care in the middle of it all.

I too found watching one born every minute quite helpful, but I get that it may not be right for everyone.

Well what I will tell you is that although I did have a very frightening and horrific birth experience, I still went back and did it all over again 20 months later 😄
Had a category 1 EMCS first time after failed induction and various other things, but had the most perfect planned section second time around!
And here's the thing- as awful and impactful as that first birth was for me, I got the most perfect and incredible son from that experience and I would do it all over again every single day for him if I had to.
My point is that no matter how the birth itself goes, you have to remember the focus is all the wonder that comes after for the rest of your life. You get to be somebody's mum and the birth is a teeny tiny fragment of their life story really. It'll be ok.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I loved one born. It helped me a lot. I didn't think it was hysterical st all. Most births were calm and uneventful

Anyway, the hormones will help you soon

Immerse yourself in positive birth stories. Read about positive birth movement. Try find a group

Educate yourself

Do hypnobirthing

I get it OP I was also pretty terrified!

I'd definitely recommend a hypnobirthing course, learn about what happens and the physiological affect of controlling your breathing, it really helped me knowing what was going on with my body.

And take all the drugs 😆 gas and air was brilliant fun. In the end I had to have an epidural as was induced after long labour and would recommend that as took away the pain of the contractions.

The whole thing just feels surreal to me now, it was grim at the time but I don't feel like I COULDNT do it again now 😆 you'll be amazed what your body can do.

Elective C Section here too.

Discuss it with your MW and if it makes you feel better have an epidural or a c-section! There’s no need to suffer in agony when you don’t have to.

One thing to remember is by the time you’re nine months pregnant you’ll be so uncomfortable you will be willing to go through anything just to get the baby out of you! Your fear will turn to desperation just to go into labour……so there’s no need to worry now.

Hypnobirthing course, 100%. It helps you feel empowered and look forward to the experience :)

Op I was terrified of if my epidural failed. I had one on my previous two babies and it took away every ounce of pain. Well, last week I had my third and the epidural didn’t work. Hearing I was going to get that baby out without one caused me to nearly lose my mind with panic. Do you know what though, I did it! And it was ok! It hurt, but the gas and air I was given took the edge off a lot and it actually happened quite quickly! I don’t actually feel as fearful now at the thoughts of doing it again, now my worst fear came true. I even got stitches after with a local and the trusty gas and air. What I thought would be horrendous worked out just fine in the end. I guess what I’m trying to say is sometimes the fear is so much worse than the reality!!!

Would highly recommend the book 'practical ways to make your birth better'. It's written in a really accessible way and really reassured me.

Do private antenatal course if possible - more time to discuss topics than in the shorter NHS session. Having a full understanding of all the birth/labour options open to you will hopefully make you feel more in control and less scared.

At the end of it all there’s a baby. That’s what got me through which sounds so weird but I honestly just kept that in my head. That and the fact that the chances are there’s other people going through exactly what you are and plenty have gone before!!

Are you able to pin down what scares you? The pain? The unknown? The potential risks?

Some people would find an elective c section to be helpful if they're scared about giving birth but it depends, I was more scared of a c section. If you can pin down what exactly it is then you can think about what might help ie would a c section help, would a birthing centre be a better place, are you someone who might find hypnobirthing helpful? I found it helpful just from a point of view of staying calm, I didn't think it would prevent complications or take away pain etc.

First of all DO NOT WATCH ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE

It is dramatised BS that tries its best to make birth scary

Do a course such as the birth ed course or the positive birth course, do some reading. Birth itself is honestly natural and normal once you understand what your body is doing, the scary thing is the maternity services and their obsession with over managing birth and interfering so much they cause problems, they can get in the bin.

Also I know people love to recommend epidurals but I wouldn't recommend any drugs at all, even paracetamols.

I arranged an elective CS due to birth anxiety and didn't tell anyone about it in case they tried to change my mind. Fantastic decision, took all the stress and worry away to know when and how it would happen, and that there wouldn't be any 4th degree tears etc. The midwife was supportive. I had to be referred to perinatal mental health nursing team as part of the ELCS request and they were extremely helpful, a fantastic service.

Agree with hypnobirthing, also listen to birth stories by Clemmie Hooper podcast. Makes it all seem a bit more normal.

Giving birth is so exciting! If you don't like the pain you can get pain relief, different levels depending on your preference. But it's also manageable without if you'd prefer. The vast majority of births are straightforward, if interventions or a c section are needed then they're very very common and safe nowadays in this country.
Congrats!!
The scary bit is when your tiny baby turns into a teenager, so you can relax for at least a decade!

There's being scared of birth - understandable - and actual tokophobia which can be utterly debilitating and is often minimised in threads like this. There was no way that I was ever going to give birth other than by an ELCS (other than the tiny chance of going into labour and it being the wrong few minutes so they couldn't perform an EMCS which utterly terrified me but which my consultant and midwife tried to mitigate the risk of). No amount of hypnobirthjng ot whatever would ever have changed that.

I'd recommend to seek out positive birth stories. People don't hesitate to tell you their awful experiences the second they find out you are pregnant but there are loads of good experiences out there, I had 2 amazing births and I'm so lucky that I heard some positive stories in my early pregnancy.
We only see horrible births on TV and in films too, like Rachel on friends, on their backs in bed - not usually the best position in which to give birth and usually the most painful.

I'd also recommend hypnobirthing, the main thing I got from it was to understand exactly what was happening and how to work with my body at each stage (mainly with breathing).

I actually enjoyed watching OBEM but this was at a stage when I was excited to give birth, I really don't think it will help if you are fearing it. It's on a Labour ward with induced births which are the ones which tend to have most interventions and issues.

I kind of reverse psychology myself. I mused to myself what if not never gave birth and stayed pregnant forever? I imagined myself 18 years down the line supporting my bump in a wheelbarrow.. Convincing myself that would be a worse horror nightmare so birth was definitely a necessity. And to accept my fate, birth was going to happen. I know that sounds very weird but it helped me.

Plus I gave birth for the first time in a heat wave. By then I was so done with being pregnant and baby was 10 days overdue. Wasn’t the best birth experience but the crucial thing is there was also a second time. I had two children so the first experience couldn’t have that bad.

Second time was better. I go very inward and quiet during labour. Midwife told me to make some noise. Didn’t feel natural to me but I gave it a go.
I had a tens machine the second time and it was marvellous. I had a pethidine shot too close to birth because I had one the previous time and lost confidence in my body to cope without. That is my only regret because baby was too sleepy. She slept all night meanwhile I was buzzing with excitement and couldn’t sleep at all.

I agree with a pp that you need to work out exactly what it is that you’re scared of - the pain, not knowing what to expect etc. Then you can work out a way to deal with it. If you do go for a natural birth, you’ll be surprised at how your body knows what to do and just takes over, it’s actually quite amazing. However you decide to do it, there is no better feeling than holding your newborn baby in your arms for the first time.

@Daisychain98 I felt fine about birth, yes of course it’s the unknown but it does feel natural once labour begins. Unfortunately my birth didn’t go too well - large baby 10lbs6 and I’m small 5”2. Had to have an emergency c-section. after 4 days. The recovery from the c-section was difficult and it definitely hindered my mental health. However some women I know recovered more quickly than I did.

I watched all the call the midwife epsiodes while pregnant. It soothed me into thinking this is normal and doable.

Honestly with both births they were fine! I'd quite happily do them again/ get pregnant again. With an epidural I didn't even feel the contractions, the midwife put her hand on my belly and told me when to push. Before then it was just like bad period pain.

It was really very fine. They were exciting in a way, knowing I'd have my baby soon.