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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Will he come around to this pregnancy?

37 replies

megxa · 07/12/2023 14:48

So, to start,
iv known my partner for over 9 years but we have only been together for jusy over a year.
we have 3 children between us from previous relationships.
may the beginning I was pregnant which resulted in an abortion that we both decided on, not something I was overly happy with but I did, this iv never gotten over it stoll haunts me.
fast foreward to now, we decided to start trying for a baby, in the midst of this we had a row and he decided he wanted to wait a year or two we agreed to this.. I then found out I was pregnant a couple of days later, before finding out we agreed if we were successful in trying we would just essentially get on with it.
it’s been a rollercoaster since, at first he insisted he didn’t want this, then his mind changed and he said ok let’s do this, now his mind has changed again.
he gave me the choice of him or the baby and that it’s not something he wants right now but if I abort we will try again in a year (I don’t agree), his reasons are that he’s not ready right now, it’s not on his priority list right now.
he has told me “I won’t leave you I want us to be together but I don’t want this baby” but then is telling me he will leave if it’s his only choice, iv told him he can stay and support me or he can go his reply is that he doesn’t know..
he thinks I’m being selfish and I’m taking his choices away and I just don’t know what to even say or do.

im hoping with all my heart he will come around to this but I’m not sure what to do in the meantime.
He said he wants to carry on as normal for now but he just wants to push it aside iv said he’s welcome to attend appointments and scans but he said he doesn’t know..
I really don’t know what to hope for or what to say or do
Hoping for some positive experiences.
I spoken to my family and his who have all said he will come around but I’m not so sure
Might I add he’s still living in the house with me we only found out a week ago.
In one or two of many conversations he has said he would love the baby and me but it’s not what he wants right now

I know I can do this alone I just would rather not

OP posts:
Spottywombat · 07/12/2023 14:50

Too much drama.

Tell him to piss off and get some certainty in your life.

Is he angling for you to get another abortion?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2023 14:52

No one can possibly know but you’re best off assuming he’ll bail and planning how to manage on your own. It doesn’t sound a very stable relationship, fair enough a year in, but your existing children have gone through a lot of change in such a short time. Do you know what you’ll do it he walks away? How pregnant are you?

MrsMoastyToasty · 07/12/2023 15:03

I would say to him.

" I'm the one who is pregnant. I make the decisions about abortion. Its not a form of contraception. If you don't want a child then take responsibility for your own contraception!
if you want to stay around and be the dad, then that's fine. However if you're not going to be a daddy you will forever be his father whether you like it or not as DNA will prove.
The choice is yours - be a parent or only be a sperm donor. "

Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 15:38

Yes, he wants me to have another abortion

OP posts:
Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 15:40

@AnneLovesGilbert if he walks away I will cope alone, it isn’t something I feel I’ll massively struggle with.
our relationship has honestly been perfect before this we were so happy loved eschother so much very affectionate and loving, honestly not a fault just all of a sudden he’s this person I don’t know anymore.
it is a lot of change my children have adapted well the 3 children love eachother and love my partner.
im 6 weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 15:42

@MrsMoastyToasty I agree, this is what is totally bombasaling me.
he didn’t want his first child but as his father walked out he sworn he wouldn’t leave his child without a father. I asked him then when would you walk out in this one he said it’s different.
im not sure how but he says beacuse we have 3.
may I add financially we are great, we live together, kids are happy, we were really happy but this has shown me a side to him that’s has massively suprised me

OP posts:
Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 15:43

Now, it’s my birthday week, he says he still wants to go on our planned trip together, he wants to stay for Christmas but essentially he’s telling me if this is his only option then he will leave in the end.
honesykt I’m so confused it’s like he potentially will get in with it then he won’t

OP posts:
Consideringachange2023 · 07/12/2023 15:49

No your relationship hasn’t been perfect at all. Completely deluding yourself.

have the baby, you clearly wanted one or you wouldn’t be pregnant again for the second time in a year. Tell him you wont be having an abortion and if he is going to be anything less than a caring, supportive, involved parent then it’s best he walks away now.

then focus on your existing child/children and future child and stop putting men’s wants and needs above your own

Olika · 07/12/2023 16:06

You two decided together to have a baby but he keeps changing his mind. You cannot keep doing abortions. I cannot believe you even keep putting yourself in such situations. Take control of your own life and leave him. This is not the man you should be with.

Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 16:24

@Consideringachange2023 realised a toing error, I didn’t mean may I had an abortion, this was last year my mistake for the typing error.
im definitely not putting his needs before mine as I’ll be just fine on my own, and I wouldn’t be getting an abortion for his selfish reason, of course I wanted a child with him which is why we tried he just decided that his mind could change as and when he pleases but your right if he can’t do that then he should walk, of course I’m hoping he does choose to be that as I’m sure any human being would hope for this that the partner they love would support them. Again it isn’t the end of the world if he didn’t it’s just hard being in this position I didn’t expect to be in. Maybe I should of expected it considering he wanted an abortion last time but we agreed to try and he was active in this

OP posts:
Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 16:26

@Olika the first situation of having an abortion was in some ways understandable we weren’t public it was secret and a complete and utter mistake, it’s not exactly what I wanted but I know it was for the best at the time.
this time we tried and I have no excuse as people long for children which is what iv explained to him, I just honestly didn’t think he was this type of person maybe I was blinded by love.
some of the comments I’m shocked at the harshness although I appreciate the honestyz
tbis isn’t something I expected to happen he genuinely tried for this with me but decided his mind would change when shit got real.
im disheartened really that this person isn’t who I. Thought he was

OP posts:
Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 16:35

My mind is pretty much made up, this baby is coming it’s just a question of if he will step up or step out.
im hoping for him to step up but again I am capable alone, as I’m sure anyone can understand it isn’t a nice feeling

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 07/12/2023 16:40

I think you need to ask him to leave, he has until this weekend to go. If he wants to stay or come back, it’s to be a family including this new baby. But he doesn’t get to play happy families over Christmas while hoping you miscarry.

you are risking he will “grudgingly decide to stay and do the right thing”, which you will be expected to feel forever grateful for, and therefore you do all the work because he never wanted a baby and is “doing the right thing”.

fuck that. He goes, before Sunday. He can have access if he wants. It’s still 2 weeks to Christmas, you and your dcs will have a better time without him around and without you worrying he’s going to walk out in the new year.

scrunch22 · 07/12/2023 16:42

He said you're taking his choice away? What a joker- what does he think pushing you in to having an abortion is.

He already made his choice when he agreed to try for a baby, the fact that he now can't handle the consequences is tough shit! If he's told you ultimately he's going to leave you if you carry on with the pregnancy, don't wait and let him enjoy all the nice times before then- remove yourself from the relationship immediately and focus on your children and the one growing with the people who aren't acting like arseholes. No one can tell you of he'll change but he's certainly not being the man you need him to be right now and you should take that at face value.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/12/2023 16:43

He needs to grow the hell up and work out what he wants, it's completely unreasonable for him to be TTC one moment then change his mind the next.

None of us know whether he will come round OP so I'd be prepared to do this alone whether he physically stays or not.

Olika · 07/12/2023 17:12

It's not enough to be with him just because you love him. You need to look at this traits and qualities and how he treats you, works with you as a team, builds meaningful life with you, his actions and behaviour. And he is showing you he is not trustworthy, reliable or building anything serious with you as he keeps going back on his word. He is putting you through lots of shit for a man who supposedly should love you. Tell him you are having this baby and he better pack up his bags and leave if he isn't willing/able to step up and start acting as a responsible adult.

LaurieStrode · 07/12/2023 17:16

Why would you want any child, any human being, to have such a shit father? Why are you subjecting your existing children to him? I'm sorry but the best thing for your children is that you terminate this pregnancy and move on.

This is no environment to bring a new human into and just because we "want" something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong or immoral about abortion, any more than there is anything wrong with having a miscarriage. They're the same thing. The body decides sometimes, and sometimes the mind decides, but neither way is anything to be ashamed of.

GrazingSheep · 07/12/2023 17:18

Another baby being born to another shit father.

Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 17:19

To be honest I think you all just confirmed what I was feeling anyway,
no one that loves me should ever put me through this it’s woukdnt be a question he would support what he created and he just isn’t grown enough to do that he’s nearly 30 not a child

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 07/12/2023 17:20

How many kids does he already have at "nearly 30" ?? Can he financially support all of these offspring, let alone mentally, emotionally and practically?

Original poster
megxa · 07/12/2023 17:21

@LaurieStrode he has one other and yes financially that’s not an issue on both parts, he is a great father to his child I just wish he could be to this one 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 07/12/2023 17:31

So you have two kids, he has one kid, you've only been together a year, you've already moved him in with you & your kids, had one unwanted pregnancy and now are pregnant again to a feckless 29-year-old who doesn't think he wants more children, isn't married to you and is vacillating about whether or not to even stay in the relationship.

I am struggling to see how these circumstances are healthy for your existing children, his existing child, you or society in general.

Pumpkindoodles · 07/12/2023 18:02

Personally I wouldn’t give a shit if he came round or not. I dont even know how you can look at him and not be grossed out.
he clearly understands how babies are made. Yet he keeps ending up here, blaming the women and expecting them to deal with it. Then to also call you selfish and play the victim here.

At this point if he wants a baby or not is irrelevant, he impregnated someone (two people, three times in fact), so it is what it is, man up and be supportive. All this wish washy I don’t know, I don’t want to leave but I also won’t support you and make sure you’re ok and come to scans with you, is frankly pathetic. I don’t know why you’re leaving this decision to him, tell him to get out, have more respect for yourself than to keep someone around who doesn’t know if they fancy sticking it out or not.

Pumpkindoodles · 07/12/2023 18:02

Also why was your relationship a secret at first
is it because he was cheating?

LimeCheesecake · 07/12/2023 18:33

Can I point something out - he didn’t want to be a father, yet so far, he’s accidentally got a woman pregnant 3 times in the last 9 years. You twice and his ex once (or there could be more you don’t know about).

does the man not know what a condom is?

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