Did your partner come to your later midwife appointments?(34 weeks and beyond)

[Lou98x]

I am 32 weeks pregnant at the moment, and up until now my husband has been at my two scans, and came with me for my GTT (as I didn’t want to be alone and bored!), but none of my regular appointments with the midwife. How beneficial would it be for him to attend my 34 week appointment and beyond? My understanding is that the midwife will start talking about birth and preparing for that, so think it’s important he knows how that’s going to work too! Did your partner attend any later appointments?

He came to 2 scans I had and from memory midwife appointments

He didn't come to pregnancy baby classes though

I was fine with all this

Yep he comes to all appointments

Mine only came to my scans and to the birth itself. I was quite happy to go to the rest on my own although I know he would have come along if there had been any specific issues.

No just the scans. He couldn’t get time off work but to be honest I didn’t even ask him to because I felt I was fine in the appts without him. Mine were both straightforward pregnancies though.

I think he came to the 8 week appointment, and then maybe the 32 week one, where the birth is discussed. Plus the scans.
He didn't come to any other appointments.

Scans and a couple of early ones, none of the later ones.

He attended the 12 week scan for the first and one ante-natal class.

He attended the post 20 week scan meeting with the specialist consultant for the 2nd because it was very bad news. He missed the birth at 27 weeks.

He attended the 12 and 20 week scans for the third because I needed him to. Not the other 7 scans I had in that pg.

I can't remember him coming to any of them, he'd have been at work. I was happy to tell him anything he needed to know, which probably wasn't a lot tbh.

He has been at all my scans - had four so far as baby measuring big.

Midwife appointments he has been to 16 week one as midwife said he should because you hear baby heartbeat for the first time. Then he came to my 28 week one simply because it fell on a day we both had off.

I have my 34 week one in two weeks but he won’t be at that one. I think if he needed to be there the midwife would’ve said.

Covid first time so no. Then second time also no because had escaped the first time! But second time I was having elective section so not much to discuss.

A partner coming to all appointments is a red flag for domestic abuse. Abusive partners who don't want partners to have the opportunity to seek help would come along to ensure they don't speak out. Midwives are trained to flag this.

There's also little point in partners coming, they only take your urine sample, check BP and measure you!

Hang on a minute, I don't think this is true!

Lots of women bring their husband (and sometimes the whole family) to all their appointments. It is unnecessary and sometimes tedious for staff, but by no means a red flag unless something else doesn't feel right.

Often it just comes down to him being the driver.

If they fell on his days off then he would come otherwise they weren't really worth his time. He came to all my scans though.

No, no point. DH could have come to all of them. He works at the hospital and could usually have arranged his day to pop out but I wouldn't have wanted him there. Scans are different.

He did drop into my booking appt with DC2 as it had gone on for 90 minutes and he really needed to get back to work and deliver DC1 back to me.

Seriously that makes no sense, so parents have to stay away incase they are accused of abuse talk about protecting

There's also little point in partners coming, they only take your urine sample, check BP and measure you!

Well not the first one, they ask a bit about the father's medical history in that.

Partners that was meant to say

All 4 kids never missed a scan or appointment and we had a lot of those with the twins pregnancy. His work was great about it

Partner never came to any appts except the scans. And tbh I didn't find my later appts that useful in terms of birth - that might be my midwife though. I was just told to read the nhs website and see what happens on the day 😂

No it's not. What a ridiculous thing to say

Mine came to one of my later ones because it fell on a rare weekday that he wasn’t working. He was disappointed!

Baby 1 - 12 week scan only and then we were in lockdown a week later so was unable to attend scans.

Baby 2 - booking in appointment and 12, 20, 36 (plus 3 additional growth scans). Didn't attend any other midwife appointments and didn't need to especially. Didn't / wasn't able to attend birth preferences appointment with consultant to discuss elcs vs vbac.

He came to one with DC1, I think it was 34 weeks when the birth plan was discussed? But that was the only "normal" appointment he came to. There have been some extra hospital appointments that he came to towards the end of both pregnancies, apparently my babies are comfortable in the breech position 🤦🏾‍♀️

Just scans. No point both of us being off work and nothing said in the appointments that was of any particular significance.

It genuinely did not occur to me to expect him to come to midwife appointments.

I suppose it depends really. Mine came of he wasn't at work, he would t have stayed home and me go alone but equally we didn't need him to take time off specifically to come to the appointments.